


Under The Stars

by tattedfan



Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Brother/Brother Incest, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-07-11 18:27:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 44
Words: 68,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19932520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattedfan/pseuds/tattedfan
Summary: If you want the full experience of this chapter as I'd written it, please refer to the following song:Taylor Swift - This LoveYou can find this song on the 1989 album.





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_ Lydia _

It was 2001. The 90s have come to a close; launching a new digital experience faster than you could think it up. First it was cassettes, followed by CDs, and now we're heading into mp3s. Dialup internet is a thing most people have in their homes, and some are getting cell phones. We start to gain new friends, but only online. 

The modern age where we started to consider impatience for the things we wanted. Instead of thumbing through newspapers for the next best thing, we would take to the Internet. 

Presently, we live in Tulsa, Oklahoma, but who knows how long that will last for? Not to mention, I’ve lost count on where I’ve been and when. It seems like as soon as I started to settle in, I’m ripped out of the ground like an unripe vegetable who just took root. That being said, I’ve been unsuccessful in keeping any friends in real life. Every person I have a connection with, are people that I haven’t even met in person; they're all online. Though, we do have one thing in common: Hanson. 

They’ve been in my life since I was 11 years old, in 1997. When they became big, I decided that these were the type of people who truly understood me. I kept my inner love for them solely online, and not out in the open. People weren’t exactly accepting of them, for obvious reasons: the long hair and child-like voices. It seemed as if people were stuck in the past, and that nobody ages. They just simply wouldn’t let it go, and still won’t. So there, in the Yahoo! Chat Rooms and message boards is where I found solace.

It has been one school after another with my Dad constantly moving us around the country. 

He’s military so of course that makes me a military brat. 

“Are you excited about starting your first day of Senior year this morning, Lyd?” Mom questioned, eyeing me as she sat across from me with her coffee and briefcase that encompassed half the size of our kitchen table. 

Inwardly, I groaned. 

“Not really…” I mumbled, not looking up at her, pushing around the cereal with my spoon. “I just want to get this year over with, so that I can stay put somewhere, for a change.”

Sighing exasperatedly, Mom put her mug of coffee down, and leaned forward with her arms on the table. 

Here we go, another lecture…

“I’m sorry, dear, I know we put you through a lot, but you have to understand that we don’t have a choice. We have to move where we're needed, it’s the military’s orders. I don’t know why we go through this every single time. It would be great if you’d at least show some appreciation for all the sacrifices your father and I make for you.” 

At this, I glared up at her. She just doesn’t understand what this is like. 

Mom grew up on a farm with six other siblings, and not once moved. That was until she and my Dad enlisted when they turned eighteen. They met together at basic training, and from there, had me, and only me. Being an only child and not having anyone else to confide in, was absolutely isolating; I felt like a prisoner. 

“Sure.. whatever you say.” I sighed back, grabbing my backpack and heading out the door, without another word.

********

Arriving at the front of the school, I saw the obvious cliques that every school has; the jocks, the goths, the nerds, the outcasts. 

I wouldn't say that I'm definable. My usual dress was basic: a comfortable t-shirt and jeans with whatever bracelets or accessories I thought were cute. The one thing I never changed though, were my black satin shoe laces. They came with me on every pair I had, even if they didn't quite match. 

Passing through the halls, I felt completely invisible; ordinary. Nothing about myself stood out to anyone. I was just a girl with long brown hair, brown eyes, sporting an old Alice in Chains band t-shirt that my father handed down to me years ago. 

As I sat in home room, my anxiety really started to kick in. I didn't want anyone to get close to me. My presence here was most likely temporary. So, there really was no point in being too friendly, right? 

"Hey!" Someone loudly whispered directly behind me. 

I chose to ignore it. They most likely didn't mean me.

"Hey!" They said again, but tapped my right shoulder. 

Slowly, I turned around, trying not to allow my resting bitch face consume itself. 

Oh man, he was really cute. Brown hair to his chin, some parts looking sun bleached from this past summer. Green eyes, golden tan, sunglasses resting upon his head. He even had a small earring hoop in his left lobe.

"Yes?" I asked, a slight annoyance in my voice.  _ Shit, why must I always be like this. That did not come out as intended.  _

He pulled out a tiny neon green piece of paper from a small stack in his backpack, and handed me one. I took it in my hand, and looked down at it, big blocky letters at the top that said OPENING NIGHT: BATTLE OF THE BANDS 7PM DOORS. Below that, an address to a venue called Cain's Ballroom.

"What's this?" I asked, uncertain why I'd want this. He doesn't even know me? 

"My friends and I have a band. I'm passing out fliers, hoping you'd like to check us out." He smirked at me, his eyes glistening some. 

"I'd better not." I said frowning, and slowly turned back around. 

"Hey!" He said once more. 

I rolled my eyes. This guy just wasn't letting up. Yet again, I turned around, and saw that glisten was gone; he seemed concerned. 

"Why not?" He questioned, brow furrowed. 

"I don't think my parents would go for it.." I lied. 

Truth is, my parents would be elated if I got out of the house and met people my age. This would only do them a favor, and I wasn't up for that payback to them. Not after moving me for the hundredth time. 

"It's harmless fun. Plus, it's over by 9. It  _ is _ a school night after all." He smirked, tapping his pencil on the desk and flipping over the flier. "Here.. take my number. If you change your mind, give me a call. I'll even give you a ride." 

I accepted the flier back from him and realized one thing. 

"Okay..but I don't even know your name?" 

"It's Ryan." He smiled, leaned back in his desk, crossing his arms. Looking satisfied. "What's yours?" 

"Lydia." 

"Well Lydia, see you tonight." 

My heart fluttered slightly. I guess this was okay. He seemed nice enough, after all. It's not every day someone as bland as myself would be invited to anything outside of school. Especially on the first day. Just the idea that I was noticed, was nice enough, even if I didn't plan to go.

******

Lunch was another beast I had to tame today. 

Ugh. 

Here's that scene from every sitcom on TV where the girl gets her lunch tray, turns around, and stares at a sea of bodies. Examining each table one by one, determining which is safest. 

What a cliche. But here I was. Living it. 

I eventually found myself finding a table that was half empty, and sat at the very last seat in the row, alone.

Buttering my roll, innocently, might I add, someone plops down next to me as overdramatic as possible. 

Startled, I jolted my neck so rough I damn near pulled a muscle. 

"Hi!" She exclaimed, biggest grin I've ever seen, on her face. "Who are you?"

_ What the..okay..playing along with this I suppose..  _

"I'm new here. My name's Lydia." I replied, trying to match her eagerness, butter knife still in hand, mid spread.

"Whitney." She smiled back, "Where are you from?" 

"Uh...that's a hard one. Everywhere in the US? I'm a military brat.. been just about everywhere there is to go, I guess you could say." I exhaled deeply, trying desperately not to roll my eyes. 

I swear, people can be outlandishly nosy when you're in their territory. Is she going to piss on me, too? This charade is getting so old.

"Oh cool! I've never traveled outside of here! Though I'd love to one day." Whitney said back, running a hand through her thick pale blonde hair. "So anyway..there's this show tonight. Battle of the Bands? Did you get invited?" 

"Uh.. yeah. This morning." I nodded, twirling the spaghetti on my plate and taking a bite. "Holy crap this is delicious, what the hell?!" 

Whitney threw back her head and laughed. 

"Well yeah! Tulsa's a big farm area and we get all of the local produce to the schools here! It saves a TON of money, and of course is delicious! Those tomatoes were not grown far from here." 

"I'm impressed." I stated truthfully, taking another big bite and moaning at the sinful lunch I was partaking in. "I think I'm going to enjoy it here."

"Aww, I'm so happy to hear that. Hey! So are you coming? Tonight?" She asked, hands clasped together. There was no secret she was hoping that I would say yes. 

"You know what? What the hell. Why not?" I replied back, shrugging my shoulders, mouth full of food. 

"Excellent. Need a ride? I'd be happy to pick you up! Where do you live?" She asked, reaching into her purse to pull out a tiny notebook. 

"Uh...no I'm okay. I'm all set, thank you though." I replied back, through the napkin over my mouth. I'm sure I had three layers of tomato sauce all over it. 

"Oh, well alright. Here..take my number. If your ride falls through, give me a buzz." She handed me a small spiraled piece of notebook paper, number on it. 

_ Oh my God she dotted her i with a heart.. _

"Cool thanks.." I said nonchalantly, folded it up, and stuffed it in the back pocket of my jeans. 

"Sure thing! See ya!" Whitney smiled and waved as she bounded away and out of sight. 


	2. Chapter 2

Zac

"Would you stop?! You're seriously getting on my last nerve, dude!" I yelled at my older brother. 

"Okay well, the way I see it? You can't tell me what to do until you're older than me." Taylor retorted back, sly smirk on his face as he threw another pile of clothes on my bed. 

_ This sharing rooms bullshit needs to end, like yesterday. The guy is eighteen years old already.  _

"I swear to Christ. If you don't stop putting your froo froo clothes on my bed, you will die." I was staring him down, but he thought the whole thing was hilarious. He was simply unphased. 

"Zac. What did I just say?" Taylor cheshire grinned, arms crossed over his chest. 

"You know what..just nevermind. I'm out of here!" 

I took the steps downstairs in sets of two, and ripped open the front door and ran up to Taylor's car. Just as I'd gotten the keys out of my pocket that I snaked out on the way out of the bedroom, he came barreling at me at full speed, taking me down to the ground. 

"You don't even have a license!" Taylor grunted whilst yelling, gripping me into a headlock. 

"So?! You're so annoying! Get OFF ME!" 

"TAYLOR AND ZACHARY!" 

We stopped in an instant and looked back at the door. Mom was standing there, hands on her hips, eyebrows raised so high I swore they disappeared into her hairline. 

"Sorry, Mom." We both said in unison. 

"Either act civil, or neither one of you gets the car. Got it? Now go get changed and hand me your laundry. You're covered in grass stains!" 

We both shared a glance and tucked our tails in as we walked past her through the doorway. On the way in, she patted our backs and ruffling our hair to knock out the grass we'd picked up in our tussel. 

I knew she wasn't  _ actually mad. _

********

"Okay, dude. Here we are." Taylor announced, pulling up to Cain's, like he was some sort of tour guide. 

"Uh..yeah, thanks." I rolled my eyes. I've been here at least forty times. 

I closed the car door and saluted him away in a mocking fashion. 

My best friend Ryan was having a show tonight for Battle of the Bands and I promised I would show my support. It's not often that we venture out in public as a single entity, given our band and all. But since this is where we grew up, people tended to leave us alone and let us enjoy ourselves. 

See, we aren’t just a regular family. Myself, and two of my brothers have a decently successful band.

We have toured pretty much the entire world. 

Most everyone knew of us, but those that disliked us seemed to outweigh the like. I've never actually been too sure why, but, it's just the same. What other sixteen year old do you know that has accomplished as much as myself? I'm proud of that. If it means that I catch a little flack here and there, it's just as well. 

Now that Taylor was out of my hair, it was time to let loose for a change without the inquisition. 

The sign of Cain's was lit in neon lights that never seemed to get old. It was nostalgic, you could say. I'd hope to perform here someday. 

From the sound outside, it appeared the show had already started. The bass was reverberating off the walls, welcoming me within. Hopefully I hadn't missed too much.

As I stepped inside the venue, I was met with a packed house full of bodies. I smirked to myself and was deeply impressed at the outcome, given it was a Monday night and all. 

I scanned the crowd in search of a familiar face, before an unfamiliar face found me and caused me more trouble than it was worth. It was stressful to look over your shoulder everywhere you went, even when you are home. 

The unfortunate part about this particular crowd though, was that most of us weren’t of legal adult age. Meaning, the odds of me bumping into someone that recognized me, were pretty high. 

An overwhelming sense of dread hit me from out of nowhere. 

I stepped back outside and dipped into the shadow of the building next door while pulling my Nextel from my pocket. 

Just before I hit the button to call Ryan, I could hear his voice growing louder as he was coming down the sidewalk. 

Leave it to him to show up for his show minutes before he’s due to be on stage. 

He wasn’t alone. 

Who was this stranger he was talking to? 

Why didn’t he mention her to me before? 

As they approached me, another girl… one that I’ve seen around town before… seemed to come out of nowhere and darted up to them. 

She grabbed the new girl by the hand and they brushed past me to get inside the venue, leaving Ryan and I alone. 

As they passed me, the girl looked at me almost as if she were a deer in headlights. 

_ Did she recognize me? Or do I just look like shit…kind of cute though, from what I could tell out here in the dark. _

“Who's the new toy?” I questioned him, an eyebrow raised. 

"Oh, her? Nobody..just some girl from school. From what she told me, she's new here." He explained, appearing somewhat uninterested. 

"Shall we?" He said, motioning with his hands towards the door. 

Going back inside, I felt compelled to find this mystery woman again. I'm not used to people giving me that look around here, so I wanted to test her a little. See what I could find out, anyway. 

Looking to my left, I saw her looking quite uncomfortable over by the bar area, where she took off with blondie. 

Her body language gave off this sense of uncertainty; out of her element, so to speak. 

Licking my lips and mustering up courage from deep down inside, I decided to go over and see if I could break the ice. I'm not particularly confident, but I was charismatic. At least, that's what I've been told. 

I was halfway to my destination when someone crashed into me. 

She turned around and I could tell by her expression and her dropped jaw that it was one of those unfamiliar faces that was about to give my identity away. 

“ZA….”

Before she could even finish my name, I ducked into the crowd and bolted away from her as quickly as I could before she was able to make a scene. 

I just kept moving forward, with my head down, trying to disappear into the swarm of “normal teenagers.” I had to have knocked myself into dozens of people before I hit a clearing and went to turn around to get some space when...

WHAM! 

My body careened into an unidentified person. With my head still down all I could see was liquid and ice spilled onto the floor. 

Followed by a scream. 

I looked up. I was at the bar.

IT WAS HER!

_ Well, I got here.. so much for a first impression..  _

To my shock, horror, and dismay, she was now soaked; caused by my efforts alone. 

As we met eyes, her jaw was wide open, yet speechless. 

"I am SO sorry! Here let me help --" 

I grabbed a handful of napkins from the bar and started frantically blotting her black dress with them. 

She just stood frozen. 

I couldn’t tell if it was from total shock or because she wanted to kill me. 

“I’m….”

“Zac? Yeah. I'm fully aware of who you are.” she stated, her lips pursed up, eyes closed.

“And you are...?” I asked, still attempting to somehow dry the entire front of her dress with mere bar napkins. 

“Lydia”

“Well, Lydia. I hope I haven’t completely ruined your evening. Let me make it up to you and buy you a replacement soda. Dr. Pepper, I presume.” 

“How’d you know?” she asked, quizzically, peering down and surveying the mess we’d made. Soda, ice, and napkins everywhere.

“Because, it's my favorite. I recognize that scent from a mile away. Plus, you just seem the type." I stated, winded, tossing handfuls of napkins in the trash. 

I had to have been blushing a new level of crimson by this point. This is quite honestly, one of the most embarrassing things I can recall having the displeasure of dealing with. Sure, I wanted her attention, and I wanted to get to know her, but not this way. I’m making an absolute fool of myself; Hello degradation. 

“Oh yeah? And what exactly would define one as the Dr. Pepper type?” She asked, somehow amused with this conversation, despite the conditions. 

For that, I was thankful. 

Before I could answer, Ryan’s band came on stage causing the entire crowd to shriek with excitement. 

The noise in the venue surpassed the level you could easily talk in conversation, without screaming in their face. I’m mostly certain my breath wasn’t the freshest from that garlic pesto pizza I devoured just moments before I got here, so I wasn’t about to subject her to that torture.

In an effort to replace her drink, I leaned over the bar and pointed to the Dr. Pepper tap, since there was no way the bartender would know what I was saying otherwise. 

They nodded at my request and filled up the cup. I handed it over to Lydia, and grabbed her free hand, pulling her away from the noise. 

She didn't resist. I smiled to myself. 

We got to the other side of the venue away from the speakers and found a table. She looked at me, unsure, but still mesmerized. I suppose I know what this looks like by now…She wouldn't be the first to know who I am, but I had to ask anyways. 

"Wait, before you sit, it's freezing.." I started, and removed my jacket. "Here." 

I opened the jacket and let her put her arms through the sleeves. She wrapped her arms around her body and held herself. 

"Thank you." She smiled, faintly, still unsure of everything. 

"Of course. What kind of guy would I be, if not for a gentleman?" 

"Too true.. so. What were you saying, before?" Lydia asked, not taking her eyes off mine. 

Feeling kind of unsure myself, I hesitated in my intentions with this. Why did I feel like insisting on bothering her even more than I already have? Guilt washed over me.

"So that look you uh...gave me outside? What was that? Do I have a booger or something?" I asked comically, trying to lighten the mood a bit. 

She laughed and brushed back her hair from her eyes. Revealing the prettiest set of brown eyes I’d seen. 

"Um..no booger. I just recognized you, is all. I'm what you probably call a fan, I guess." She explained, biting tenderly on her lower lip, adorned in coral lipstick.

"Oh. Well that makes better sense. Though, I sorta figured. We just don't get those looks like that here most of the time. Simply because, most everyone knows us. Ryan told me you were new here." 

"Yeah, military. We move a lot..Sorry for my face, I guess. It has a mind of its own.." 

"No, that's quite okay. No need to apologize. I happen to like your face.” She smiled at that, blushing slightly, a light chuckle escaping her lips.

We spent the rest of Ryan’s band’s set doing very little listening to the music and a lot of small talk. 

There was just something mysterious about Lydia that i couldn't quite grasp. 

She wasn’t like the other girls here. They were mostly very preppy, and never spoke their minds; this was refreshing. Her personality was open and could quite honestly take a joke without some sort of offense taken. 

I wanted to know more about her. 

  
  


******

I don’t even know when Ryan’s band stopped playing or how much time had passed. The next thing I knew, the crowd was dispersing through the doors. Two security guards went running by us. 

Our attention turned to the fight that had broken out in the middle of the dance floor. 

Fists flying. The house lights came on.

“Seriously?” I’ll be right back” I groaned, as I hastily stood from my chair.

I begrudgingly made my way over to my obviously intoxicated friend slurring all of his words and pulled him toward me as the security guards pulled away his contender.

“Let’s go, Tyson.” I threw his arm over my shoulder and looked over at Lydia. I mouthed an apology to her and tilted my head toward the door, motioning for her to follow us outside. 


	3. Chapter 3

_ Lydia _

Once we were outside of the venue, Zac sat Ryan down on the sidewalk so he could start making phone calls to find a ride home. It was indicative of how bad off he was, that he wasn’t getting us home as originally planned. 

“We’re in luck, my brother is already in his car on his way home from a friend’s house which isn’t too far from here.” Zac stated placing his phone back inside of his jeans pocket and sitting down next to his friend. 

Feeling uneasy, I stayed back and started digging through my purse for something to occupy the time. 

That was when I realized that I completely ditched Whitney! I got so starstruck I had forgotten all about her. 

"Shit!" I started. Zac turned around abruptly, stifling a laugh. "I totally bailed on Whitney!" 

Furiously, I ripped out my cell phone and texted her:

"GIRL! I AM SO SORRY! This guy spilled my entire drink on all OVER my dress!" I texted her, and clutched the phone, waiting on a response. 

"Aw, you're in troubleee," Zac stated, in a sing song voice. 

"Ya think, Captain Obvious?" I replied back, rolling my eyes, hoping she would write back. 

It was only a couple of minutes before we saw his brother’s headlights come into view. Cue instant anxiety and damn near stage fright. 

Subconsciously I started twirling my hair as a nervous habit. It was weird, but I kind of just wanted to disappear into the brick wall I was leaning against. My mind started flooding back to the memories of 97 all over again, just like when I had seen Zac earlier. 

“Are you coming? Wasn’t he your ride home?” Zac asked, holding the door open for me. 

“Are you sure? I didn’t want to just assume you guys were taking me home just because you have to drive him.” I stated, nervously, now biting at my inner cheek.

“Well, we’re not leaving you here. I insist.” Zac smiled at me, and waved his hand towards the open door.

Nervously, I climbed into the back seat. Once I was settled in, Zac came in after me and put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer towards him. 

"Here let me warm you up..." He said,giving my shoulders a light squeeze. 

_ Okay. Body count.  _

_ I just realized who's in the front damn seat playing chauffeur to us right now.  _

_ Taylor. Hanson.  _

_ Who's sitting next to me? With their arm around me? _

_ Zac. Hanson. _

_ Someone help.  _

_ Because I swear this is not actually happening.  _

_ This morning?  _

_ Crying over Cheerios.  _

_ Tonight?  _

_ In the car with not one...but TWO Hanson's. Is this real life? _

Just then, my phone alert went off, signaling a new message. It was Whitney. 

I swallowed hard and went to open the message, but felt hot breath on my right cheek. 

In my peripheral I saw Zac's face next to mine, being nosy and trying to read what I was about to open. 

"Well someone's nosy.." I said, sarcasm filling my voice, eyes not leaving the screen.

"Hey. I'm committed to this now. It  _ is  _ my fault, you know… open it." 

I exhaled deeply and opened up the message. 

WHITNEY:

_ Trust me, I know. I went looking for you and saw you at the table with Zac. Trust me girl, it's cool. I'd have ditched me, too. ;-) See you tomorrow!  _

Zac was belly laughing next to me, no audible noise coming out. 

I turned to him with a wide smile on my face, just taking him in. 

_ I swear this is what Heaven is like.  _

"You would laugh at this, you jerk." I laughed, and shoved my shoulder into his.

“I had it handled, Z.” Ryan spoke up from the front seat, interrupting our moment. "You should have let me finish him. NO ONE shoves a girl like that and gets away with it at one of my shows!”

Zac sighed heavily, running his hand through his wavy long blonde hair.

“Listen, I never said the guy didn’t deserve to be smacked around a bit. But you know as well as I do, that’s why security was there; they would have removed him if you told them to. You’re about to become a rock legend, man! Let’s steer clear of any murder charges before then!” Zac argued back, as he reached forward, patting his friend on the shoulder, showing his advice was genuine. 

*****

Taylor pulled up at Ryan’s house first, as his was only a couple miles from Cain's. 

The two brothers got out and helped their friend to the front door. 

Zac disappeared inside the house with Ryan, while Taylor jogged back over to the car, getting back in the driver’s seat.

“I’m Taylor, by the way.” He reached behind him and shook my hand.

“Lydia.” I responded.

_ Holy crap! Someone pinch me. _

The rear door opened once again and Zac re-entered the car, wide grin on his face, leaving the front passenger seat vacant. 

As we drove off, I noticed Zac was holding a folded up piece of paper in his hand that I hadn’t noticed before. He was playing with it, flipping it back and forth.. almost nervously, through his fingers. 

“Whatcha got there?” I asked him, breaking the silence. 

I was grasping at any conversation starter to keep my nerves at bay. 

“Oh, this? It’s nothing.” He shrugged, as he placed his arm back around me with the paper crumpled up, still in his hand. 

Once we turned onto my street I glanced up at Zac, his eyes caught mine. I’ve never felt so lost in something; this close to home. 

Unaware to either one of us that the car came to a halt, Taylor cleared his throat, breaking our gaze. 

“I believe we’re here.” he said, tapping on the steering wheel, eyeing us in the rear view mirror. 

“Yep, this is it. It was nice meeting you, Taylor. Thank you so much for ride, I really appreciate it.” I said, as Zac exited the vehicle, opening the door for me. 

“Nice meeting you too, Lydia. Anytime.” Taylor grinned, as I stepped outside and Zac pushed the door closed. 

There were so many things my tiny brain was trying to formulate into a comprehensive thought. I'd dreamed of a moment like this for so long, and now it's over. All of the other fans around the world were wondering what he was doing, yet, I actually knew. 

He and I were sharing the same air space, the same nervousness, the same town, the same moment. 

Tears started to form behind my eyes. 

I really didn't want to say goodbye just yet. 

"Well..here we are.." I confirmed, standing on the porch, looking up at him expectantly. 

"Yeah I guess so.." he trailed off, shoving his hands in his jean pockets, looking down at the porch floorboards. 

"Thanks for taking me home. You really didn't have to." I said, sounding like a broken record. 

I inwardly hit myself.

My heart is bursting at the seams and it's as if I can't put it into words. Would it be too forward? 

"Hey, anytime. Really. I had a very nice time tonight...despite the circumstances of it all." He replied back, affirming my same thoughts. "However...I do have a pressing question to ask you..if that's okay?"

"Sure, anything." I nodded.

"Um..so, Ryan..are you into him? I mean you guys came together tonight..so I just want to know if I need to turn and run. You know..guy code and all." 

"He's a nice guy, but no.." I replied back, truthfully. 

"Oh, okay. Cool. So, I'll see you around?" Zac asked, hopefulness in his voice. 

"Are you kidding?! I'd love that!" I beamed, blurting it out, practically yelling in his face. 

I slapped my hand over my mouth, and giggled behind it. 

The tears that I had since felt, were replaced with butterflies in my stomach and pure elation. 

"Gotta love your enthusiasm," Zac chuckled. "Well hey, I gotta run. Tay is waiting for me and all." 

"Okay, cool. See you around." 

Zac walked down the front steps, his back to me, when I realized I was still wearing his jacket. 

"Hey! Don't forget this." I called out to him, attempting to remove it. 

"No, no. You keep it!" He smiled up at me from the bottom of the steps. "You never know when you'll get cold again." 

"Oh, thanks...Well, if it's okay, could I maybe have a hug goodbye?" I asked, hopeful.

He chuckled, grinning, and met me at the top of the steps, holding his arms out. I reached mine out and wrapped them around him, holding him tight. We swayed slightly as if we were attempting to dance. Just holding onto the moment, not wanting to let go. 

By our body language, it was as if we were both really into each other more than we were willing to admit. I'd never felt anything like this with someone else before, though, and these feelings were coming on so strong. 

It was scaring me a little.

Was it just who he was to me, being a fan, that made me feel this way? 

He didn't know anything pressing about me at all. 

Though, every time we touched, my legs wanted to give way from under me and, my God, the electricity of one another was almost torture. 

Just then, Taylor honked the horn, startling us both, bringing us back to reality. 

Stars were in my vision as if I was abruptly awoken from a dream. 

"See you.." Zac frowned, and ran to the car. 

Leaving me on the porch alone, and him, with my heart. 


	4. Chapter 4

Lydia

I spent the longest time on the porch, staring at where Taylor’s car used to be. The intensity of my emotions about what had just happened, had me feeling on the verge of grabbing onto something to keep me from floating away. Another familiar emotion joined in; disappointment. 

What if all of this was an act? 

Zac didn’t know me from Adam, but yet he held me close not once, but twice. In the car, and on the porch. I never expected in my wildest dreams that I’d even be thinking this, much less ever say it. Another pawn on my chess board was that I didn’t have any way to contact him. He left with a simple, “see you..” and sad look on his face.

Was he not allowed to date? 

I don’t understand how we had shared such a spark with one another, only for me to be left alone with all of these agonizing thoughts. I had no closure, and I desperately needed it. Whether it be good or bad.

Sighing heavily, I pushed open the front door, and took care to shut it lightly. The house was eerily quiet, but, I welcomed it. My head was swimming with a million thoughts, and I didn’t need the inquisition. Not right now.

Our house was a rancher style layout, my bedroom at the very end of the hallway. I kicked off my converse by the door, and padded my way there on our plush white carpet; enjoying the feeling between my toes. 

I got halfway down the hall when my Mom put her hand on my left shoulder, startling me. 

“Sorry to scare you.” Mom whispered, pulling her bedroom door shut and lead me the rest of the way to my bedroom. We got into my room, and she shut the door behind us, flicking on the light switch.

“What’s up?” I asked, sitting on my bed, looking in her direction, biting the inside of my cheek.

“Well? How was it?” Mom asked, adorned in her periwinkle blue bath robe and matching slippers.

“Oh..it was great.” I sighed, a massive grin super glued to my face that I couldn’t control. Cue butterflies coming back into my stomach thinking about the hug Zac and I shared on the porch only moments earlier.

“Okay, I know that face.” She smirked at me, crossing her arms. “Who is he?” 

“Who said anything about a guy?!” I asked, way too defensively for my own good. 

Yeah, that definitely didn’t give it away or anything. 

She pointed at me, my eyes following the direction of her finger. 

_ Busted. _ .

I’m still wearing his jacket. 

OH! I’m still wearing his jacket! He must have real feelings for me if he allowed me keep this! Right?

“Ah.. yes. Well that’s a dead give away, huh?” I started. “See.. this guy, Zac, he kind of bumped into me at the show and knocked my soda on my dress. So I was cold..and yeah.. The jacket was given to me I suppose as an apology. I tried to give it back to him but he asked me to keep it.” 

“Is that so?” Mom smiled at me, quite pleased with herself for pressuring me to go out in the first place. 

“Hm, well, a Mother knows best. I’m glad you had a nice time, despite the little mishap there.” 

“Yeah...Well, goodnight, Mom. See you tomorrow.” I said, as I walked up to her and hugged her tightly. 

  
  


******

_ Zac _

I leaned back on the headrest in Taylor's car, arm out the window feeling the breeze hit it, spaced out into thought.

The drive home from Lydia's house was leaving me feeling a mixture of emotions. There was no indication from her that I wouldn't hear from her again, but her being a fan certainly helped the situation. Well, that, and her living in the same city. 

Tulsa was a well known city in the US but it really isn't that big compared to most others you think of: NYC, Chicago, Los Angeles, to name a few. Most everyone knew someone who knew someone else. I suppose the worst case scenario is I had Ryan to give me intel on her, such a need arose. 

"So, she was nice…" Tay spoke up, interrupting my thoughts. "Lydia, I mean." 

"Yeah, she's pretty cool..I just wish I could make sense of things better." I replied back, taking in the scenery around us. 

"How do you mean?" Taylor asked, glancing in my direction, sipping on his coffee he kept in the cup holder under the radio. 

"Well, she just seemed so...shut off? She was open with me on some things, and completely closed on others. It was kind of weird."

Taylor twitched his mouth up in thought, but said nothing right away. 

"In my experience," he started, "I think she might need to let you in somewhat slowly? She might be guarded just on the principle that she knows more about you, than you do her. I mean, you're well known to most..and you've only known of her existence all of what? A couple hours?" 

"True. That's a valid point..I'm thinking way too much into this." I agreed, closing my eyes and listening to the tires on the pavement beneath us. 

_ I wonder when she will find my note..  _

******

Taylor and I slipped into the house and ascended the stairs to our room a little after 10. Being homeschooled, we had an advantage. Mom didn't usually start my lessons until about 9AM so I had ample amounts of time to kill, leaving me with a later weeknight curfew than most. 

"I'm gonna grab a shower." Taylor announced, opening up his dresser and pulling out pajamas to change into. 

"That's cool." I said, thumbing through my CD collection, trying to find one to pop in. 

I finally settled into my bed under the covers, headphones on, drifting away, when I felt my cell vibrate next to me. 

Taylor was up reading a book in his bed across the room, by lamp light, shoulder length hair completely dry. 

I glanced at the time on my cell and saw I'd actually been asleep for 3 hours..it was now almost 12:30AM. 

_ Who the hell… _

RYAN:

Sorry it's late. I need a favor.

"R U OK?" I texted back, closing my eyes again, nodding off. 

RYAN:

Yes. Can u put n a gud word 4 me?

"To who?" 

RYAN:

Lydia 

******

_ Lydia _

A week passed by since Ryan’s show at Cain’s. 

The time had been uneventful, yet mentally draining. 

I couldn’t get Zac out of my head. 

I was giddy for the possibility of running into him again in the near future, yet sad with each day that passed that it hadn’t happened. 

Maybe it wouldn’t. 

Maybe I read him wrong, or he was being nice because he felt bad for me. 

Nevertheless, I couldn't get him out of my mind, no matter what I tried. 

Whitney helped. 

Thank god for her. 

She was the only one I could really trust with the full recap of how that night went. No one else would believe I had an actual connection with “ _ ZAC HANSON”.  _

I, myself, was beginning to doubt all of the signals. But Whitney witnessed how in tune he and I were sitting across from one another at the table that night at Cain’s. 

“It was as if you two were the only people in the room.” Whitney recalled. 

“But he hasn’t found a way to contact me. He knows where I live… where I go to school.” I replied frustrated. “I have no way of reaching him.”

I peered down at the remainder of mashed potatoes staring back at me on my lunch tray and started pushing into them with the plastic fork in my hand, pressing down forcefully to make lines appear. It was Friday afternoon and our lunch period was coming to an end. 

“Maybe… he’s just been busy. He IS Zac Hanson, after all.” Whitney answered through a mouthful of vanilla pudding. “He’s not like the boys we’re used to. He has responsibilities. Most boys our age only have to worry about scores of the local football game, not what their next single on the radio will be or what they are going to wear to the MTV Video Music Awards!” 

“Yeah...” I sighed. 

The bell rang. We both stood with our lunch trays. 

“WILL WHITNEY MARACHINO PLEASE REPORT TO THE ART ROOM” burst throughout the high school over the loudspeakers. 

“Art Club President. Duty calls.” Whitney smiled at me. 

“Here…” I reached my arm across the table, taking her tray from her. “I’ll throw this out for you.”

“Thanks so much! See you after 9th period!” She called back as she made her way to the hallway.

I took both trays and dumped what was left of our lunches into the trash can, then placed them on top of the pile of others waiting to be washed. I started toward the door. 

Trying to make my way through the crowded hallway, I bumped straight into someone.

Expecting to profusely apologize, attempting, and failing, to bring myself back down to Earth, they spoke up first.

“LYDIA!” Ryan shouted enthusiastically.

“Ryan!” I beamed, relieved yet ecstatic. 

He was the only mutual connection that I had to Zac. I hadn’t seen Ryan since last weekend, and the giddy feeling that appeared in my stomach was overwhelming. 

“I was hoping to bump into you today.” he started nervously. “That new movie is coming out tonight, the one about aliens…”

“Signs?” I questioned, with an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, that’s the one! I uh...would you like to go with me tonight?” He asked as he looked down at his feet, kicking his untied shoelaces around. “Ya know… so you’re not sitting home bored and alone or anything on a Friday night.”

I wasn’t sure why he all of a sudden seemed so nervous, or what his master plan was. 

But I literally had nothing better to do except listen to my parents bickering over nonsense. 

If nothing else, it would keep my mind from racing, finally silencing the growing discouraging thoughts about the boy who lived in my head. 

There was even the possibility this could be a group thing, and maybe… just maybe…

“I’D LOVE TO!” I blurted out. Sounding way more eager than I had meant to. 

“Really?! Great!” Ryan responded with a giant grin. “I’ll pick you up at 7.” 

With a wink, he disappeared into his class, and followed suit down the hall to my own. 

Books clasped to my chest, my stomach fluttering again, I started mentally going through my closet. 

This night out to the movies was with a friend, but more importantly a possible reunion with Zac.


	5. Chapter 5

_ Zac  _

Rocking back and forth in Dad's favorite recliner, I channel surfed to the TV guide to see if anything was on. 

_ Dawson's Creek.. nope.. The Real World.. nope.. Pop-up Video.. this will work I guess _

I was hoping some facts about other musical artists would take my mind off of the ledge of depression.

My focus on anything besides Lydia since Monday, was non-existent. I couldn't stop thinking about her; the way she smiled at me and chewed on her lips in deep thought, the way she seemed so put together but was also a mess, just like me.

My sisters Jessica and Avery were setting the table for dinner when my eldest brother Ike came down the steps, a tucked newspaper under his arm. 

"Hey, Zac, question. You got any plans tonight?" 

"Just a date with the boob tube." I remarked, not looking up from the set, him in my right peripheral. "Why?" 

"Well there's this new movie coming out tonight at The Circle and it seemed up your alley. Wanna go?" He offered, hopefulness in his voice. He tossed me the newspaper,  _ Signs _ circled in blue pen. 

"Oh, sure. Anyone else coming along?" I questioned, hoping no girls were joining in. I loathe being a third wheel. 

"Just Taylor. I thought the three of us could go. You know, do something else together besides just work. Let loose." 

"Definitely. I'm in. After dinner though. I'm not getting cheated out of Mom's pot roast." I stated matter of factly, rubbing my stomach. 

******

_ Lydia _

"Mom! I'm going out!" I announced, running a brush through my hair one more time, and pulling it up into a high ponytail. 

Mom appeared in my doorway, confusion plastered on her face. 

"What? I thought you and I had plans tonight" she frowned. "Don't you remember?" 

I turned to look at her. She was dressed up in a black gown, white shawl around her shoulders, with a matching white clutch. 

"We...were?" I asked, nervously. 

"Well I'm sure not wearing this," she retorted, pointing at herself, "to sit around and knit!" 

Guilt washed over me. I am  _ officially  _ the worst daughter ever. Not only did I not know what she was referencing, but she looked gorgeous. So how could I not go with her? There was no way I wanted to cancel my date with Ryan, though. This really sucks. 

"So you're just not going to say a word to me? Fine. Don't ask me for any favors." Mom stated, turning on her heel and stomping down the hallway. 

"Mom! Wait!" I called out, and ran up to her backside. 

She stopped, but didn't turn around. 

"I'm..I'm sorry. I-" I attempted to apologize, but lost the words. 

She didn't move. 

"Mom..talk to me." I begged, feeling tears behind my eyes.

At this, she turned to face me, a lonely tear drying up on her cheek. 

"I'm sorry, too. I guess I forgot what it's like to be a teenager with free will." She explained, frowning and looking me over. "It's okay. There will be another military ball. You go. Have fun." 

I furrowed my brow, confused. 

She was letting me go? 

I'd only promised her a month ago, that I would go with her since Dad has a special assignment and couldn't go with her. 

"...are you sure, Mom?" I asked. 

I had to be absolutely sure she was okay. The last thing I wanted was a continuance of this in future arguments. 

"Yeah, honey, go. It's okay. Maybe I'll meet some new friends." She smirked slightly, caressing my cheek. 

"Okay...as long as you're alright, I will go." I smiled back at her, thankful she wasn't hindering my social life much more with this military stuff as they used to. 

Just then, the doorbell rang; Ryan was here to pick me up, as planned.

"Who's that?" Mom asked, leaving me and going towards the front door. 

She opened it before I could answer. 

"Hi, Mrs. Stratton. I'm here to pick up Lydia." I heard him say, as I hurried up through the living room, to the entryway. 

"Hi, Ryan!" I smiled. "Let me just get my shoes on, and we'll go." 

As I was toeing my shoes on, Mom and Ryan were engaging in small talk. He was filling her in on the usual: movie and home by 11. 

"Okay you two, have fun!" Mom called out from behind me as Ryan whisked me off of the front porch and to his car. 

"We will!" We both yelled back. 

******

Ryan was, so far, being a perfect gentleman. 

He insisted on holding my hand in the car, asking if I was comfortable with the temperature, opening my door for me, paying for my ticket and snacks. It was seriously the sweetest; to be doted on. 

We found a perfect spot in the theatre, right in the center. 

"So, when's your birthday?" Ryan asked, reaching into the enormous tub of popcorn sitting in his lap. 

"October 21st." I said, as I watched him shove an entire fist of popcorn into his mouth. 

_ Wow… _

"Oh yeah? That's a day before my best friend's birthday." He stated, mouth full. 

I smiled to myself.  _ Duh. Already knew that, genius. I've only known everything about him since I was 11  _

"Really? That's cool. Hey. Can I add something to the popcorn?" I asked, digging around in the pocket of Zac's jacket I was still wearing.

_ Oops. Party foul? Wearing another guy's jacket on a date?  _

"Like what, exactly?" He asked loudly, mid chew. 

_ God, he's like a barn animal.. _

"M&Ms." I stated, flatly. 

_ I'm already annoyed, this tub of popcorn was way too big for my poor ears and eyes. It's going to last the ENTIRE movie.  _

"Sure, if you want. I don't mind." 

I reached into my pocket and grabbed the bag of M&Ms out, when I saw a paper fall down in between the seats. 

Huffing, I reached down and picked it up, expecting it to be something school related. I clutched in my hand and looked up at Ryan, cackling up at the advertisements showing on the screen. 

_ Why am I so annoyed?  _

_ How did I get in such a mood? Jeez.  _

The lights were so dim in the theater, even though they hadn't shut them off yet, I figured this was the perfect time to escape and recompose myself. 

"Hey, Ryan? I'm going to run to the restroom real quick before the movie starts." I said, standing up and started squeezing past him. 

I got outside and into the hallway, power walking into the bathroom and slamming myself into a stall. 

I squeezed my eyes shut and dead weight dropped myself onto the toilet. Taking a deep breath, I slowly uncrumpled the notebook paper that had fallen out of my pocket. 

It read:

_ Whenever you feel your world's falling down around you.  _

_ 918-555-1022  _

_ -Zac _

_ Oh my God… _


	6. Chapter 6

_ Zac  _

As soon as Ike started the ignition to his SUV, I felt an overwhelming pit in my stomach. 

Why do I feel so empty? 

The last thing I wanted to do was socialize with anyone. It was so difficult for me to open up to people, and I feel like I did that with her. At this point in time, it seemed like I must’ve gotten my wires crossed. She was a fan, so why wouldn’t she jump at the thought to text me?

“So, Zac.” Taylor started, reaching into his coat, pulling out a pack of smokes and cracking a window. He lit it and exhaled deeply, and leaned back on the head rest. “Any reason why you’re so blue?” 

“What are you talking about?” I asked him, picking at the cuticles on my fingers.

_ Great, here we go… _

“Something’s obviously bothering you, dude. Talk to us. We’re alone and we’re not going to judge you.” Taylor replied, looking over at me as he pulled again on his cigarette.

“Yeah, Zac. We’re brothers. If you can’t confide in us, who can you really?” Ike added warmly, peering at me through his rear view mirror.

At this, I just closed my eyes and rested my head against the window, taking in the scenery. Couldn’t we just avoid the whole talking about our feelings, bit? I know it’s what we usually do, but today I’m just not in it.

“Zac?” Taylor asked, brow furrowed, reaching his hand out and put it on my right knee. “What’s going on?” 

“Can we just not?!” I snapped back, shoving his hand off of my knee. “I’m over this topic. Just leave me be. I’m going to this stupid movie with you, isn’t that enough?”

Taylor frowned and turned back around to the front and crossed his arms, not a word said.

“Nope. We’re not doing this.” Ike stated, and pulled hard into the parking lot of Taco Bueno, forcibly shoving the shifter into park, and turned off the engine.

Before I could think, Ike ripped open his door and slammed it, then yanked mine open in the same fashion, and crouched down to my level on the pavement.

“Buddy, come on.” Ike started, searching my eyes for anything other than sadness. “What’s the problem?”

Huffing loudly, pinching the bridge of my nose, I closed my eyes. 

“This is a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” I groaned loudly. I knew there was no way I could get out of this without a fight. 

I peered over at Taylor, who stayed sitting up front, eyes glued to the windshield. It was apparent that I’d really hurt his feelings. He really was my best friend, and this bothered me more than anything.

“Okay..so.. There’s this girl..” I said.

At that, Taylor perked up, and slowly turned towards me. 

“Lydia?” He asked, eyebrow raised.

“Yeah.. Her.” I replied, licking my lips to continue, but Ike cut me off.

“Who’s Lydia?” He asked, already lost in this. 

I shook my head fiercely and flopped my body back onto the seat, covering my hands with my eyes.

“Lydia’s a girl that Zac fell in love with at that show of Ryan’s I dropped him off at. He hasn’t spoken to or seen her since. Dude’s got it bad...obviously. I told him to just ask Ryan for her number, since they go to school together, but Zac’s ‘pride’ is apparently in the way of that. He’s torturing himself.” Taylor explained for me, and for that, I was grateful.

“Okay.. well, how about this? How about we go to the movie as we planned, and then we’ll go talk to Ryan.” Ike suggested.

“I can’t..” I said, through my hands.

“Why not?” Ike huffed.

“Because..I gave him my blessing to date her.” I sighed, angry at myself.

“WHAT?” Taylor and Ike asked, in unison.

_ Fuck my life. _

“Well aren’t you a dumbass.” Taylor said flatly, shaking his head, lighting another cigarette.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I said, moving back towards my upright sitting position.

“I’m not letting you do this, Zac.” Ike said, shrugging his shoulders.

Without another word, he shut my door for me once more, and got back into his seat.

“We’re going to this movie, whether you like it or not. You either face your decision head on and make peace with it, or suffer the consequences. This is a real learning experience for you. So get your head out of your ass, and stop ruining the small amount of quality time we have together. Got it?” Ike explained, all while staring at me in the rearview mirror.

I simply nodded. I had nothing else to say. He was right. Hopefully I’ll get over myself enough to enjoy one simple movie.

*****

Fortunately, once we finally got into the movie, my meltdown only cost us the beginning credits of the movie. The entire theater was packed except for the very top row, leaving just enough seats for the three of us.

For a moment, I’d forgotten about everything that was going on, and was just enjoying my life. I opened my box of Raisnets and M&Ms and dumped them into the popcorn sitting in Taylor’s lap to my right and started shaking the bucket, as I always did.

I felt Taylor looking at me, and I met his gaze. He was smirking at me, almost as if he was relieved I wasn’t going to sit in a curled up state for the remainder of the evening. 

Just as I’d totally gotten immersed in what we were watching, each of us sharing the popcorn concoction I’d made, we suddenly heard, “STOP!” from a female voice.

At first, I guess we all just thought it was part of the movie, but then it happened once more:

“I SAID STOP IT!” 

Everyone in the room was now averting their eyes towards a couple in the center of the seats, as a girl was shoving someone off of her. It was apparent that the guy couldn’t take no for an answer.

“Miss, do you need some help?” An older gentleman asked, standing up and reaching for her.

Just then, Taylor whispered in my ear.

“Hey.. isn’t that Lydia?

I squinted my eyes in the dark, and it was her.

My heart sank when the room lit up slightly for a flash scene in the movie. Her face was covered in tears, eyeliner running. I darted my eyes around the older gentleman and saw who was the cause of said tears; Ryan.

“Hey man.. We’re good. Leave us be!” Ryan yelled, shoving the guys hand off of his shoulder.

“I’m getting security!” The guy yelled, stalking towards the exit.

I felt the heat rise up in my cheeks. Sadness and depression, now being replaced with pure unadulterated anger.

How could my best friend do this to a girl? Had I known he was a disgusting creep, I would have NEVER allowed this. 

Before I knew what I was doing, I was climbing over the seats to get to her. I didn't care who I trampled, who I hurt, who was offended. 

This was the girl I loved and I needed to protect her. 

"Zac!" Lydia gasped, lunging into arms, without any questions. 

My heart felt, for the first time in days, whole again. 

"Dude, back off my girl." Ryan said aggressively, prying his hands between our bodies in an attempt to separate us. 

"Are you fucking kidding me, dude?" I asked him, gripping onto her tighter. 

She was shaking, and shivering against me. Utterly terrified. 

_ What did he do to you?  _

"She's on a date with ME!" 

Just when I opened my mouth to let him have all of the bullshit I'd been keeping inside, the security from the theater came in and started moving towards him. 

"Sir, you need to exit the theater." The big burly security guard stated, motioning Ryan to come along with him. 

"But he's stolen my date!" Ryan yelled, refusing to leave. 

Lydia was still gripping onto me as if she let go, she'd fall away into a black hole and never come out to see the light of day.

"Sir, that's not what I've been told. But I don't care about your story. You need to leave with me now, or you'll be banned. This is your last chance, or, I will get law enforcement involved." Security stated, motioning their hands once more. 

"Man, fuck this!" Ryan yelled, stomping out of the theater, the security guard trailing behind him. 

Once they were out of sight, I looked down into Lydia's eyes; black with fear. 

At this, I knew the movie was over. My brothers were beside us as I turned, patting me on either shoulder as we made our way out, passing under the glowing exit sign.


	7. Chapter 7

_ Lydia _

After losing my composure with Ryan before the movie had even begun, I wanted nothing more than to be alone. The night was going so well prior to actually being in the theater with him. 

How did he flip to a 180 in my mind, so fast? 

In the beginning of the date, I was looking forward to getting out and going to a new place, with someone I'd been friends with. He was one of the first to befriend me when I got here, so I felt safe. 

I didn't want to be weak and stand him up by taking off right now, but the scenery around me felt pathetic. Presently, I'm in a bathroom stall, trying to keep from crying anymore, though it felt hopeless.

Squeezing my eyes shut one more time and taking a deep breath, I unlocked the bathroom stall. Upon inspection, what little makeup I had applied, was now absent. I dug out a small brush I kept in my clutch purse and started smoothing it out as best as I could. 

Just then, the main bathroom door opened and two girls walked in. Instantly, I felt uncomfortable. My shyness was really taking the front seat today. 

"Honey." A girl started, laughing while covering her mouth. "Did you find that jacket in a bin at Goodwill?" 

"Oh Alex! You're awful!" Her friend tagged on, shoving her shoulder playfully, laughing just as hard. 

_ Fuck the shyness, I'm over this.  _

I stomped up to her, while she was mid laugh, and stopped about 3 inches from her face. 

"It's actually my boyfriend's jacket, you dumb bitch!" I yelled, and shoved her against the wall.

"Oh my God! Stop!" Her friend said protectively, holding onto her. 

Shocked by my word at calling Zac my boyfriend, I yanked open the bathroom door, staring down the entrance to where Ryan resided. 

My mood has completely shifted and I felt so empty inside. 

_ Oh how I wanted that to be true… _

I leaned against the wall and pulled out the crumpled up paper from my pocket once more and read it again at least 10 times. 

_ Whenever you feel your world's falling down around you.  _

_ 918-555-1022  _

_ -Zac _

_ Boy did it.. _

My stomach was doing backflips and I felt like I needed to be rescued. I took my phone out of my purse and dialed his number hastily. But when I got to the part where you hit SEND, I just couldn't do it. There was an inner battle going on in my head, and I just didn't know how to cope. 

Nobody else I'd met in my life, seemed to really give a damn like he appeared to want to. He's already saved me once before, and I felt like if I always asked for help, I'd just be another pest in his already crazy life. 

A flash of the memory of him holding me on my porch came back to me, suddenly. The next thing I knew, I had a smile on my face. 

Maybe I could do this; I could get through this one movie and be done, and just refuse any future dates. 

Exhaling deeply, I shoved both my phone and Zac's note into my purse. I straightened up with a new found confidence and made my way back inside. 

When I got back to my seat,  _ Signs  _ was just starting. It felt like I had been gone hours, but it was apparent that it had actually only been a few minutes. 

"You good?" Ryan asked, eyeing me intensely, attempting to hold my hand. 

After what I've been through in the past however minutes it's been, it feels like I'm cheating on Zac. With his best friend, no less. The last thing I wanted to be was a locker room joke.

_ I should have just left .. this was a mistake. _

All of these emotions bottling up, I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms against my chest, refusing to look at him. 

"What's your problem?" Ryan asked, now apparently offended by my actions. 

I'm not going to lie, I would have been, too. 

He turned to fully face me, leaning towards me, face torted in confusion. 

I chewed on my bottom lip, trying desperately to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall again. 

"Answer me." He commanded sternly, not even attempting to be soft. 

"I just don't think this was a good idea..I'm sorry, Ryan." I said, attempting to get up and leave. 

At this, he yanked me back down by my wrist and forcibly placed me into the seat. 

"STOP IT!" I yelled at him, attempting to remove myself once more. 

Ryan then got really close to my face, and said, "You are on this date with me. I will tell you when you get to leave."

That's when it made sense. 

He'd been drinking again. 

It was then that I realized that he was an angry drunk and, at that moment, feared for my safety. 

I don't know when or how he got it. He must've snuck it in and poured it in when I wasn't looking. 

_ Why did I agree to this? I'm terrified, oh my God, someone please save me… _

"Please let me go.." I begged softly, looking down at my wrists, his still gripping firmly on my left one, which almost felt possibly sprained, maybe even broken. 

At that, he squeezed harder, causing me to wince and moan audibly in pain. 

I tried again to get up, and ripped him away from me. The pain in my arm, at a 10. I held it against my body and then with all my might, hoping someone would save me yelled, "I SAID STOP IT!" 

A flash scene from the movie theater lit up the room, his face the scariest thing I'd ever seen; He looked ready to kill me. 

"Miss, do you need some help?" An older gentleman asked me, trying to reach out for me. 

I nodded to him, and it seemed like he genuinely wanted to help. But Ryan wasn't having it at all. 

My vision started to get blurry, and I felt like I was going to pass out. In retaliation, my body started shaking like a leaf and I was hyperventilating; the pain in my arm intensifying by the second. 

Just as soon as I felt myself falling, someone caught me. I looked up to see who my savior was; The friendly boy I've loved forever. 

"Zac!" I gasped, holding back onto him, shaking in fear. His body was warm, comforting, soothing, and home, to me. I never wanted to let go. 

He's saved me, once again, and if I had it my way, forever. 

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Lydia

His arms were wrapped around me, holding me close; my own security blanket. Small "shhh's" were escaping his lips, rubbing his hand on my shoulder as we stood under the canopy outside of the theater. 

The rain was cascading around us as Zac and his brothers were surrounding me. My mind was littered with unhinged thoughts of trauma of what I'd experienced. Right now, I'm in the midst of safety, but I knew what later times would hold. We'd have to be apart and if anyone would listen, they would know my mind is a dangerous place right now. 

"I don't think it's broken.." Isaac nodded to Zac, slowly turning my forearm over and over, inspecting it. "Does this hurt?" 

Not meaning to, I pulled in my bottom lip between my teeth and winced, shoving my face into Zac's shoulder. 

"Is that bad?" Zac asked him, smoothing the hair down on my head.

"I don't know. Can you call your mom, Lydia?" Isaac asked softly, putting his hand on my left shoulder. 

"I...I can't." I cried, wiping aggravatingly at my cheeks. God I hate crying and I swear I've set a world record at this rate, tonight. "She's at a ball. She won't be home until about 1 or 2." 

Isaac twitched his mouth up in thought and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Okay." He started. "Let's take you back to our place and we'll have Mom look at it. If she thinks it's broken, then we will do right by you and take you to get checked out. You can call your mom from there." 

Inwardly, I was freaking out. Not because my arm might be broken over a complete scumbag, but I was about to meet Zac's parents..err..family. Um..the rest of his family? 

Whatever. 

I knew they had a lot of other siblings, 4 more to be exact. Another boy and 3 girls. I'd wanted to meet his parents one day, of course, but this way? I was highly against it.   
Though, here I am, in the backseat of their car headed that way. 

Zac still hadn't let me go since the moment we touched inside the theater, and honestly, he's the only thing keeping me calm. In fact, the entire car ride was a new level of comfort I'd never experienced before. I felt at ease, at home. 

*****

I must've dozed off at some point, because the next thing I knew, I was being tousled awake. Groggy, I flitted my eyes open to find the most caring brown eyes only inches from mine. 

"Hey sleepyhead." Zac smirked. "We're here. Let's get inside." 

He carefully reached for me and held me close to help me out of the SUV. I suppose to minimize impact from the step down. Once I was flat footed on the ground, he made sure to pull me back close to him as we got up to the door. 

"Wait!" I said, panicking, holding onto his arm as he reached out for the door to open it. 

Surprise on his face, he raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to continue. 

"Are you sure they won't mind?" I asked, all of a sudden, unsure. 

"Lydia, it's fine. Don't worry. My mom's a pro at this. She has had seven children you know." Zac nodded towards me.

When I said nothing else, he opened up the door, Isaac and Taylor standing in front of their parents, in the middle of a conversation. 

"And that's when Zac got her away from him and we left." Taylor finished, cheeks slightly blushing. He was totally amped, and I'm not going to lie to you, but it felt kinda awesome, given the circumstances; To have people to care enough about you this way. 

As weird as it may sound, I also feel somewhat guilty. 

They've been friends with Ryan since God knows when, and here I am, fresh out of the box, with an injured limb. I've been here what, only a week? Leave it up to me to pick the wrong friends. 

"Zac, bring your friend over." Their father asked softly, motioning his right hand towards us. 

We'd been standing in the shadow of the foyer, intently listening to their conversation. Inwardly, I winced at the sudden motion, Zac moving us quicker than I'd anticipated him to. 

"Hello, sir." I greeted him, as formal as I could think to. 

Yay military upbringing.

"Let's see your arm, dear." His mother asked, reaching for me, rolling up my jacket sleeve once more. 

"Guys be careful." Isaac warned, leaning over his mother's shoulder.

"Oh hush, Isaac. We know what we're doing here." His mom remarked, swatting him away.

"Ah, you'll be okay." His dad said, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "It's only a little bruised. I suppose where he grabbed you. If it's a sprain, it's only a slight one. They hurt a bit more than a break though, I'm afraid. But you'll be as good as new in no time." 

I nodded, and let out a sigh of relief.

This isn't the way I'd planned this to go. Everything was so dramatic that I couldn't make heads or tails of my life at this current juncture. While that may be so, I was above all, embarrassed. 

I couldn't seem to deal with anything without someone rescuing me. Instead of holding my own when it came to push to shove, I would consistently, without fail, rely on someone else's support. Independence? My ass. 

A chirping noise was repeating through the air towards Zac's direction. He fished it out of his pocket and flipped it open, his brows furrowed. Zac took an exasperated sigh and drafted a quick response as fast as he could, T9 technology and all, and shoved it back in his pocket. 

"What's up?" I asked, his cheeks crimson. He ruffled his hair exaggeratedly at my question. 

His face softened as his eyes laid upon mine. He stepped toward me swiftly and reached for my hand, interlacing his fingers in mine. 

"Nothing to worry about." He grinned sweetly, rubbing his thumb across the top of my hand. 

"You sure..?" I asked nearly stuttering at the butterflies taking flight in my stomach.

I felt weird even asking him about it. We still barely even knew each other, and it's not like he would be obligated to tell me either way. 

"Definitely." Zac replied back, squeezing my hand tighter.

How am I here, right now? In this house, with this family. The pain in my arm somewhere in my past, flutters in my stomach, my present. All I wanted to do was be alone with him again, to know him more. I was afraid with all of this going on, that he would pull away from me. But, in fact, Zac seemed to be moving even closer. This is what I want, and have always wanted, but I was afraid I would lose it as soon as it came. 

In my clutch, my phone, too, was now going off for another reason: my bedtime alarm.

When I pulled out my phone I realized it was nearly an hour past curfew. 

Shit. 

"I am in so much trouble.." I mumbled, grimacing at the thought of my punishment. 

"You okay?" Zac asked. 

"Yeah I just need to get home. I broke curfew." I replied, a small amount of panic in my voice I couldn't hide. 

Zac glanced up at the clock, his eyes bulging at the time: midnight. 

"Hey guys we gotta get Lydia home." Zac announced, as he was pulling me towards the door. "Tay? Can you drive?" 

"Yeah man, sure." Taylor called back, grabbing the keys off of the coffee table and jogged towards us. "Hey Mom, we won't be long." 

"It was nice meeting you, Lydia!" Their mom called out. "Come back soon, we'd love to get to know you."

His mother's smile was warm and inviting, but there seemed to be an odd darkness to it behind her eyes. 

Her eyes were scanning down at Zac's and my hands, locked together. I looked up at Zac and he seemed to either not notice or he simply didn't care. 

"Sure thing, Mrs. Hanson." I smiled weakly, as Zac pulled me out the door, and back into the night.


	9. Chapter 9

Zac 

"I'll wait here!" Taylor called out to my back, as I hurried Lydia up to the front door to say our goodbyes. 

The wind caught her hair, blowing the scent of her shampoo throughout, intoxicating me. I inhaled it deeply, hoping to make it a memory I can carry with me. 

When we got to the top of the steps, however, the door flew open, stopping us in our tracks. 

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!" An older man, to which I presume to be her father, bellowed towards us. 

In the porch light, I could see he was wearing a military uniform, perfectly starched, ribbons and badges for miles laid out on his chest over his heart. 

"Sir, I-" I started to explain, unconsciously gripping Lydia's hand tighter. 

"Lydia get inside. I'll deal with you later." He snarled, pushing the front door open exaggeratedly, suggesting her to go in without me. 

But she didn't. She gripped my hand back even tighter, her breathing heavy. 

"Sir, please listen!" Lydia yelled back at him, stepping towards him. "I have a good reason for breaking curfew." 

He looked us over, his eyes locking on our hands. 

"Get inside." He commanded us, and let himself back in the house, door agape. 

I turned and looked over my shoulder and saw Taylor's eyes so wide, I could almost make out the blue in them from across the lawn. 

"Do you need me?" He mouthed, pointing towards the door, cigarette between his fingers.

I nodded feverishly, afraid to deal with this and the possible repercussions on my own. 

Without hesitation, he jumped out of the car, flicked his cigarette down the street, and made his way up to me. I swallowed thickly and he nodded towards the door, placing his hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed it. 

"I got you." Taylor winked, and nudged me towards the door. 

The three of us entered the living room. I watched as Lydia kicked off her shoes at the door, and we followed suit, so as not to disrespect the family's rules anymore than we needed to. 

"Sit." He commanded, already sitting in his recliner, leaning back in it gently rocking himself, fingers laced together in his lap. 

Without losing his gaze, I sat down on the sofa along with Taylor and Lydia. 

The whole couch made a crunching plastic sound as the three of us settled our weight down onto it. 

Our gazes unlocked between he and I then. My face went from scared to almost snorting with laughter. My ass, was on plastic. 

Taylor glanced over at me quickly, hair falling in his face, as he tried not to break out in laughter. 

I shook my head feverishly at him trying to make him stop. His laugh was contagious and I swear to God, if he makes me laugh in front of her father -

"Something funny?" He asked, the rocking of his recliner coming to a halt.

"Not at all, sir." I lied, Taylor and I looking at each other in our peripherals. 

"So? Get to explaining yourselves." He stated, leaning towards us, brow furrowed. 

"A guy I went on a date tonight with, hurt me," Lydia sniffed, wiping a tear from her cheek angrily. "They helped me." 

His eyes softened and darted over to Lydia's as she spoke, explaining in detail of what happened. 

"Are you okay?" He asked her, reaching his arm out and rubbing her injured forearm. 

She nodded, and looked over at us, a smile pulling at the corner of her lips. Eyes bouncing between Taylor and I. 

"We're glad you're okay, Lyd." Taylor grinned, clapping a hand on her shoulder, playfully. 

His eyes landed like daggers onto Taylor's hand, and in that moment, the room that felt a bit more at ease, refilled back to a tense level on the meter. 

"Remove your hand, boy." He snarled at Taylor.

"Sir, stop. They helped me. Please don't do this again." Lydia begged, reaching out for her father. 

"I won't have anymore boys," He started, his eyes flitting back towards me. "Dating my daughter. She's been through enough." 

"Sir, with all due respect, I really wish you would reconsider." I stated, not realizing how desperate it sounded, until I'd put it out there.

"Are you deaf? I said no. There will be no reconsiderations. You've done right by my daughter and helping her tonight. But I speak for everyone in this household. I forbid it." 

"But sir if you just -" Taylor chimed in, but was cut off by her father getting up and moved towards us.

"Get out!" He yelled, pulling one hand to his hip, the other pointing at the door. 

Panic rising in my chest, I looked at Lydia and Taylor both for support and came up empty. Lydia's gaze was in her lap, and Taylor shrugged towards me, removing himself from the plastic covered couch. 

Taylor and I retrieved our shoes without so much as putting them on first, and exited, a door slamming at our backs. 

"Man, what the fuck!" I yelled, balancing on each foot, toeing my shoes back on hastily and making my way to the car. 

"Dude, it's okay. He's just mad! Let him sleep on it." Taylor called at my back. 

I threw my hands in the air and exasperatedly opened the door to Mom's car and getting inside, slamming it shut. 

As I was fighting the seatbelt in the car, I looked back towards Lydia's house, to see Taylor cursing at himself. 

"Fuck..seriously..what the hell!" Taylor angrily whispered to himself loudly. 

He was trying to get his boots back on but the zipper on the side was sticking. 

"Would you bring your high filute boot wearing ass to the car, dude?!" I yelled out the window at him in between fits of laughter, now hysteric. 

"Are you crazy?! I don't want grass stains on my socks!" He called back, trying the zipper more rapidly. 

"Mother FU-" Taylor started to yell when the front door ripped back open, Lydia's father staring down at him. 

Taylor whipped his head back and forth quickly and ran off the steps, tripping twice, but eventually making it back to the car and throwing his boots in the back seat. 

At this point, my laughing was so hysterical, that I'd transformed into a seal; clapping my hands and barking, forgetting all about the problem I now had with somehow still finding a way to see Lydia. 

"Just for laughing at me? You owe me new boots. Thanks a lot for your help." Taylor scowled, turning the engine and pulling off with grass stained socks and knees.


	10. Chapter 10

Lydia

"You're being COMPLETELY unreasonable!" I yelled at my father as he blocked the exit of my bedroom, crossing his arms in the doorway. "They did nothing wrong to deserve that and you know it." 

"Do I really need to remind you of what happened before?" He shrugged at me, and shut the door in my face, stomping back down the hallway and into his bedroom, slamming the door behind himself. 

How dare he?! He promised he would never speak of that again!!

I stared down the closed door, as if I could burn a hole through it, no tears left to spill. The anger bubbling in my chest was threatening to spill over. 

I flung Zac's jacket off onto the bed in pure adulterated anger, spilling the contents of my purse I still had on my shoulder, all across the floor. 

GOD BLESS AMERICA. 

Irritated as fuck, I dropped to my knees and started shoving each item back with such rage into my purse that I pictured it as if it was my father's face. 

I know, I'm supposed to love him, and I do, but there are so many ways I wish I could just disappear. Everything he does just aggravates me, and I can tell you with one-hundred-percent certainty, that he is wrong this time. 

From the floor, I eyed the pegboard lying against the wall inside a box I'd still yet to unpack, all of the push pins still pressed into the states we've lived over the duration of my life. I scooted over to it and yanked it out of the box, running my fingers over them; 19 different states since I'd been born. Other people would classify that as I've seen many things and had many adventures, but I saw it as never actually taking root anywhere long enough to bother unpacking.   
As soon as I would get comfortable somehow, we'd get orders that we were needed elsewhere. 

The only time a move was something I craved, was when he happened. He was absolutely the type you bring home to your parents. Well to do, varsity player, class President, everything a father could hope for his little girl. Up until that night, which, trust me, I'm trying hard to forget about...

Sighing heavily, I changed and put my pajamas on, pulling the comforter up to my chin, curling up into the fetal position, facing the wall, willing myself to sleep. 

As soon as I felt myself being pulled under, I heard a muffled beeping noise coming from somewhere in my bedroom that I recognized as my cell phone text alert. 

What the fuck? 

I looked over at my analog alarm clock, the red numbers displaying 3:33 AM. 

Okay so..that's the devil texting me. Makes sense. 

The alert went off again, and I sat up huffing aggravatedly, feeling around in the dark for my cell phone. That's when I realized when I childishly threw my purse, my phone must've flown out somewhere. 

Perfect. 

I got up and flipped on the light and crouched down onto the floor, waiting for the noise to happen again. 

And I waited. 

It pinged again, under my bed. I went for it, finally fishing it out, and flipping it open. 

ZAC:

Check out ur window. 

I knitted my eyebrows together and rubbed my eyes furiously, making sure I was actually reading what I thought. 

IT WAS REAL. 

Staying in my crouched position, I moved to the window to the left of my bed, and peeped my eyes above the window sill and pulled the curtains back. 

I gasped and immediately stood up, unlocking my window, opening it. 

"Hey, Lyd." Zac smirked sheepishly, also clad in his pajamas, running his hand through his hair. 

"What are you doing?!" I whispered, mouth agape. 

"I had to see you. Can I come in?" He asked, stepping forward, putting his hand on mine that was resting on the window sill. 

"Okay." I nodded, moving out of the way to allow him to climb in. 

Once he got his balance, he turned to shut the window behind himself. Zac was wearing a baby blue long John top, with black and red plaid pajama pants...and combat boots? 

He turned around and closed the gap between us, looking down at me with a sweet smile, taking my right hand in his. 

"What's up?" I asked, mesmerized in the moment I was in, until I realized the poster over my bed. 

Fuck! I hope to God he doesn't notice. 

"I just...I had to see you...I need to know how you feel about me." Zac whispered, his right hand now on my lower back, a smile playing at his lips. 

So many thoughts were now dancing around in my head. He should know how I feel. I was sure I had made that painfully obvious…

All my life, as far back as I can remember, it's always been Zac. From the first time I saw his cute chubby little face on TV, I knew he was someone I wanted to get to know. His zany personality he always had on display, was obviously his facade for shyness. 

"Lydia?" Zac asked, shaking me out of my thoughts, his voice trembling. 

"Okay so..I'll be honest here." I started, licking my lips as I proceeded to spill my heart out. "But first, we should leave." 

Honestly, if my parents were to come in here, God forbid my father, my life as we know it would come to an end before I even said how I felt to him. 

"Wait what?" Zac asked, stepping back from me, a puzzled look on his face. "Why?" 

"We can't be here..if my father catches you, we're dead." I whispered, pushing him towards the window. 

Zac opened up the window once more, and climbing back through it, then turned around and reached out for me. I accepted his hand as he helped me out, a small giggle escaping my lips.

"Something funny?" Zac asked, pushing his long blonde hair back out of his face as I made contact with the ground. 

"It's fun being sneaky with you." I smiled up at him as he held his arm out for me to loop mine with his. 

He kissed the top of my head and lead me down the cul de sac to his mother's car he had taken. 

"Okay...on second thought.." I mumbled, biting the inside of my cheek as we got closer towards it. 

"We'll be fine!" Zac laughed, letting go of my arm and picking up his speed to a run, sliding across the hood to the drivers side. 

I can't keep up with this clown, I thought, shaking my head, opening the door, climbing in, and looked over at him expectedly. 

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere we can be alone together, under the stars."


	11. Chapter 11

Zac

The better half of myself with the angel wings on my left shoulder told me what I was doing was wrong, and would make things exponentially more complicated than it needed to be. But the devil on my right told me fuck that, let's keep going and see what happens. 

I took Lydia down a long winding road outside of Tulsa, near 4AM, consequences be damned.

We got over top of a clearing and I glanced over at Lydia, sitting cross legged in her seat, leaning forward, eyes wide open with a childlike smile enveloping her face. 

Call me crazy, but I felt like I was falling in love. 

A few minutes more passed, and I parked my mom's old Cutlass at the treeline of my favorite camping spot we would visit as kids. 

It wasn't far away enough that your parents would have to load up the entire grocery store to tag along seven kids, and panic that you'd forgotten something. 

I got out of the car, grabbing a flashlight from the roadside kit Mom always kept in the trunk, and met Lydia on the other side. 

"I don't think you ever sleep, do you?" Lydia yawned, eyes suddenly half lidded as she stepped around the door I'd held open for her. 

"Quite a rarity, actually." I laughed, looping our arms again, clicked the flashlight on and lead us down the dirt path to the campsite. 

Walking down the path, my mind began to race. Outwardly, I was playing it cool, as if I had the utmost confidence in myself. But on the inside, I was a ball of nerves. Rejection was never something I'd been able to deal with very well, though I was teetering on the possibility I misread every signal she'd thrown my way. 

All I'd ever wanted when we were on the road, was to be treated like a normal kid. Not follow these millions of schedules, listening to everything and nothing at the same time. Sure, life on the road and performing for fans was always an invitation for a good time, but I just wanted life to slow down. Lydia was doing that for me. She was making me forget that for awhile and remember what it felt like to actually be my own age. I knew, and still don't know, anything outside of Hanson. This fact alone, scared me to my core.

We got to the clearing, a fire pit waiting to be lit, surrounded by four tree trunks cut in half that served as seating. 

I let go of Lydia's hand and bent over and started picking up piles of leaves for a makeshift bed, grateful that they weren't wet from the storm earlier tonight. 

"Zac? What are you doing?" Lydia asked from behind me, a little frustration in her voice. 

"Just a second longer," I looked up at her and smiled. "I promise." 

Once I felt like the leaf beds were adequate enough, I reached out for her hand. She obliged and sat down next to me on my right, staring intently at me for direction.

"So…" she started. 

"So…" I mimicked back, the tremble in my voice not masked.

Shaking the feeling off as best as I could, I took her left hand in my right and laced our fingers together. I leaned us both back, the leaves giving way to our bodies with a satisfying crunching noise. 

"I give you, the stars!" I exclaimed, my left free hand pointing at the sky, all of the twinkling stars and constellations greeting us, showing us how small we actually were. 

"It's beautiful." Lydia gasped, a smile evident in her voice. 

We stared at the night sky for awhile, not saying anything, just taking everything in. Relishing the moment and enjoying the world being silent. 

"I want to ask you something." I stated, leaning onto my right side, propping myself up on my elbow, my heart racing a thousand beats per minute. 

I could feel my pulse in my ears, thump thump thump.. hoping for some kind of relief to this madening position I'm in for answers. I've pulled myself out of my comfort zone and anxiety was joining in on the fun. 

"Anything." She grinned, mirroring my exact position.

Our eyes met, and even in the darkness, I could feel every emotion I felt for her rising to the surface. 

"I want to know if you feel this, too." I started, chewing at a corner of my bottom lip, motioning at the space between us. "You know...us? The start of something?"

"Of course." Lydia warmly smiled. "I said I would be honest, and I am. There were many times that we've been together, that I felt this..I just wasn't sure if you felt it, too. But quite frankly, I'm scared. Pretty close to terrified, actually." 

"Scared?" I questioned, searching her eyes. "Why are you scared?"

"I've just been through a lot, Zac. Not saying you haven't, I just...I'm guarded. I don't know what or how exactly I'm feeling exactly yet. But I hope soon I will know. Just not right now." She admitted, causing my stomach to flip flop. 

After a moment of silence, digesting her words, wishing I could read her mind, I flipped over onto my back once more, taking in the galaxies above me. 

Wish upon a star...please make her mine. 

"Zac?" She asked, nudging me. "Are you okay?" 

I sighed heavily, closing my eyes, seeing nothing and feeling nothing but darkness.

"I will be." 

The angel on my shoulder was crying real tears, while the devil was cackling about and showing me why only fools fall in love.


	12. Chapter 12

Lydia

The pain in my heart grew one hundred times the size when Zac had simply said, "I will be." 

Every part of me wanted to be with him. To show him just how much he meant to me in my past, and my present. 

It seemed like an easy choice. Be with him. I know it's what I could do, what I should do. But my heart was aching with the possibilities. 

What if this was a facade? 

Everything with him was so easy, like I was gifted some type of miracle after what I'd been through. They always say to do what the heart wants, but mine always proves to be wrong. 

The sun was coming up to greet us with a new day, blanketing everything in oranges, pinks, and yellows; beautiful. But what wasn't beautiful, was the environment inside the car. 

Zac's mid back length dirty blonde hair was tousling in many directions, aviator sunglasses on his face, knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel. 

An aura that used to surround him that felt golden, had now turned ice cold, and a deep seated pang in my stomach was ever present. 

We hadn't spoken a word to each other since those last three words; the words of heartbreak. I could feel his heart crack with each word that fell out of his mouth. 

I'm solely responsible for his disdain. 

Everytime I tried to muster up the courage to correct the wrong, I wanted to grab his face and tell him: hey, I'm here! I made a mistake! 

I couldn't get my mouth to open. 

What I'd accomplished so far, was the silence of everything and nothing except the wind that blew through the interior of the car. 

When we passed underneath the interstate sign with an arrow pointing towards Tulsa, I began to panic. If it wasn't said now, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to. 

"Zac.." I said, turning to face him, pulling my legs under myself, attempting to get his attention. 

"What." He remarked, looking in his blind spot, putting his turn signal on, merging off the exit towards home. 

"I uh.." Fuck, where is my courage. "Umm.." 

He glanced over at me quickly while pursing his lips glaring straight as we slowly stopped at a red light. His body language was so tense it almost frightened me. For a moment, I thought I would say nothing. Maybe I should let him cool down? Its been a long night, perhaps I should sleep on it first? 

He sighed heavily and shook his head, picking at a loose strand on his pajama bottoms, avoiding looking at me at all. 

Fuck this cowardly shit, whatever. 

"Okay." I huffed, hopefully expelling the chicken in me, out. "I just..I really like you.." 

He quickly turned his head towards me, swallowing deep, sunglasses still covering his eyes. 

"I'm just scared." I admitted, subconsciously scratching at my shoulder, trying to direct my attention somewhere else but in this moment.

"Scared?" He asked, an eyebrow slightly appearing above his sunglasses from where he'd arched it. 

"Yeah I-" 

A horn blared behind us, startling us both. Exasperated, he threw his hands up and moved through the intersection, pulling into a QwikTrip gas station parking lot, and killing the engine. 

He turned back towards me, and motioned for me to continue. 

I simply nodded, and pulled in another big breath, hoping to regain my small bit of confidence. 

"Okay so..I really like you. A lot. Like, more than I can probably put into words.." I started to explain once more.

"But?" Zac asked flatly, all emotions gone from his voice. 

His impatience was showing and could I really blame him?

"I've been hurt, Zac. Really bad. In my past.. so.. my father wasn't wrong about what he'd said. I've been through some shit, dude." I replied, hoping to make him understand. 

"I'm not like these other guys, Lydia. I'd always do right by you." He replied back, reaching out for my hand, which I let him take. "I'm not going to hurt you." 

I peered down at our hands. How perfect they looked together. My heart swelled slightly, but also ached. I had felt this before, with someone else. It didn't forget what I'd been through, and neither had I. But could I trust him with my past? So soon? I barely know him like I should, on a personal level. Sure fan status was one thing, but knowing him and what makes him set off, his actual likes and dislikes, those were foreign to me. 

"I believe you." I finally said, swallowing hard. "I just...I don't know. I'm afraid to trust anyone with my heart anymore. Can you understand that?" 

Zac marinated on this for a few moments, the sounds of cars whipping by on the road around us, and people greeting each other filled the air. 

He lifted his sunglasses off of his face and tossed them on the dashboard, scooting up to me. Our bodies were now so close that the warmth of it permeated through our thin pajamas. His eyes were focused intently on mine, bringing his hand up to my jaw line, making sure I had his full attention. 

"I understand what you've been through. I do. There's a lot you don't know about me either. I won't force it out of you, but someday, I hope you become so happy that you forget. I want you to know that my heart has been broken, too, many more times than I can count." 

He stopped momentarily, putting his free hand over his heart, and left it there, his eyes becoming glossy. The words that he said next, I know would stay with me forever. 

"I meant it when I said that I wanted to be the one you call out to when your world's falling down around you. I want to be the one who makes you forget. The broken find the broken, Lydia. Let your heart love again. I hope that someday, you'll grow to love me." 

******  
Zac

I spilled the entire contents of my emotions I had been bottling up for over a week out to Lydia before I could stop them. Her eyes, pooling with tears threatening to spill over. 

I hadn't meant to dump every word into her lap all at once, but at the risk of losing her altogether, I decided that throwing all my cards from my hand was the only move I had left to make. 

When I searched her eyes, they didn't say angry. They didn't say hurt. To me, they said everything, nothing, and more. 

I slowly licked my lips and leaned into her. When she didn't move away, I pressed them softly, yet firmly against hers. Our tears mixed together as she held my face close to hers. Before I realized what was happening, I lowered myself on top of her on the bench seat of my mom's old Cutlass, continuing our kisses.

While I might not know what she was thinking, I was thanking the stars I wished upon for granting my wish.


	13. Chapter 13

Lydia

When Zac dropped me back off at my house, I crawled my tired, aching body, back through the bedroom window. Fortunately for everyone involved, no one seemed to notice my disappearance. The house was just as silent as I'd left it, the clocking reading 6:42AM. Despite that I was exhausted down to my bones, my face hurt most of all. I couldn't stop the wide grin that pulled at my cheeks. 

I passed into the bathroom that was attached to my bedroom, and caught my reflection in the mirror. 

I brought my fingers up to my lips, feeling their softness; caressing them. The same lips that had been performing a dance with Zac's only moments before. My eyes were red rimmed with exhaustion and pain. My hair with small bits of leaves from where we'd laid under the stars, feeling so small. I reached down and pulled the hem of my pajama shirt up over my head, scrunched it up, and breathed in deep. It smelled strongly of him, and a large part of me wanted to keep it that way. 

That old familiar feeling washed over me: trepidation. I met my eyes again in the mirror and knitted my brows together, slowly shaking my head. 

"No." I said to myself aloud. "He's NOT him. He's NOT Chris." 

As much as I willed myself to believe that, anxiety jumped on my back as it always did. I tossed the shirt in my hamper and discarded my bottoms into it as well, and flipped the light off. I grabbed a fresh set of pajamas, put them on, and started what I had attempted hours ago: sleep. 

When my eyes closed, my mind flooded with tens of scenarios that could happen; Most of them ended badly. But was I willing to risk the last shred of my mental stability in order to be with him? 

Possibly.

However, considering his status, and who he is, I don't think I could handle the threats. By nature, I am quite a jealous person, next level territorial. 

From what I've read and seen on forums online, whenever any of the three members of his band would start dating anyone, it turned into a guessing game. 

Who is she?  
What is she like?  
Why her?  
They won't last long. 

All statements of various things I've seen when the topic arose. The idea of being yet another form of discussion online, made me apprehensive. 

The main thing that I wasn't apprehensive about though, were my feelings for Zac. 

He was everything that I'd ever wanted in a person, a friend, a partner. 

One part of me was trying to decide whether the risk was worth this coming back out of my comfort zone. 

The other part said what the hell, let's see what happens. 

*****

Zac

I tiptoed inside the house after removing my boots off on the porch, expecting everyone to still be asleep. 

"Zachary Walker!" Mom hissed from the recliner in the living room, sitting in the dark, the glow of the TV giving her a silhouette. 

My breath hitched in my throat, all of my muscles rigid, stopping me where I stood in the foyer. 

"Mom!" I shrieked, grimacing at the forthcoming discipline. Think up a good excuse! 

"Where have you been?!" She yelled at me, apparently not giving a fuck about anyone else trying to sleep around here. 

"Uh...stargazing." I answered back, attempting to shield the trembling in my voice. It wasn't a lie, after all. 

"In the middle of the night?! Do you know how sick I was worrying over you?!" Mom yelled, her left hand on her hip, the other hand pointing and wiggling in front of my face. 

I'm not entirely sure, but I'm definitely sure that stars come out at night. 

It kept everything in my being to not roll my eyes at her. She would surely send me six feet deep if I were to show any form of disrespect. 

Taylor once had called our parents the "Danish Mafia," catching himself a slap across the face and all privileges revoked for a few weeks. Right in the middle of a tour break, too. If I knew what was good for me, I'd avoid making that same mistake. 

"I'm sorry, mom. It won't happen again." I apologized, trying my best to sound sincere. 

She huffed out a deep sigh, and pulled me in for a quick hug. 

"Go to bed, Zachary." Mom firmly commanded, pushing my shoulders towards the bottom of the stairs that ascended to all of the family's bedrooms. 

I said nothing more and climbed the stairs, carefully opening the door to mine and Taylor's bedroom. I let myself in and closed the door gently, unhooking my carabiner full of keys from my belt loop and dropping them onto my nightstand. 

"Well if it isn't Cassanova." Taylor's voice filled the room, obvious that he was smiling.

I looked over at him and smirked, pulling my shirt off over my head and stripping down to my boxers, climbing into bed. 

"Thanks for the idea..you know..about the camp site." I smiled, folding my arms up under my head on the pillow, staring up at the dimly lit ceiling from sunrise. 

"Anytime." He chuckled and rolled over, facing the wall. "You should listen to me more often." 

I scoffed at him in a play-like way and nestled deeper into bed with another task at hand tomorrow: convince Lydia's father to let us keep seeing each other. 

One way or another, we will be together.


	14. Chapter 14

Zac

That afternoon when I woke up, I felt re energized to tackle the obstacles that lay in my wake. 

First, I needed to tell Ryan to basically fuck off forever. 

The way he had treated Lydia after I'd given my blessing to date her, was not only a reflection of him, but a reflection of me. Lydia didn't know him from Adam, and most likely was unaware of the arrangement, and it should remain as such. She hadn't outright said that she would be with me, but the last thing I was willing to put up with down the line, was this coming back to haunt me. My chances to be with her were seemingly going in the right direction. I would fight tooth and nail if it meant peace in the end. 

Second, her father really had it out for Taylor and I for some reason unbeknownst to me. Whatever the cause, I was determined to find out. After all, I am a lovable guy. What's there not to like? 

Just as I'd sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, Taylor came up to our bedroom with a backpack over his shoulder. 

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked him, as he went around the room collecting articles of clothing, his journal, and a couple of books. 

"Camping." He turned around, and smirked at me. "I had such a great idea yesterday, it really put me in the mood." He shrugged, zipping up his bag.

"Really? Oh.." I frowned. Taylor had never gone camping without me. It was usually just the two of us that went together. Sometimes Ike would tag along. It made for a good place to write new material for our records. "Who are you going with?" 

"Natalie. She said a friend was coming along too." He replied, sitting down on his bed, placing his bag on it next to him, looking over at me as he plucked his ball cap off the poster on his head board, putting it on. 

"What friend?" I asked him, curiosity piqued. 

"Ah...now..why would you care?" He winked at me, leaning over across the space between our beds and booping my nose. "I thought you were doing stuff with Lydia." 

I pushed his hand away from my face exaggeratedly, and continued to swat at the air. 

"I hate when you do that!" I frowned, and stood up to grab some clothes on. Suddenly feeling way overdressed next to Taylor's ensemble. "But if you must know, yes, I do have some duties to fulfill." 

"I see. Well, you know the invitation still stands." Taylor shrugged as he walked past me to the bedroom door, backpack over his shoulder. 

As he grabbed the door and opened it, I felt a sense of panic. I didn't want him to leave me in this vulnerable state. I had so much to gain but so much to lose, depending on how to handle the situations. My lack of maturity was causing anxiety about it, and without Taylor, I felt like I could fail. 

"Wait." I said, stepped towards him, throwing my jeans on with haste. 

He turned around and looked at me, readjusting the strap on his backpack. 

"Yes?" He asked, his blue eyes twinkling in my direction. Which could only indicate what I already knew. 

"I want to go with you." I blurted out. Not meaning to invite myself, but I figured this would be a good opportunity to seek his advice in an environment we very much enjoyed. 

This house we grew up in was always a good place for advice, but of the family kind. It felt too sterile to ask for his help about the opposite sex with this many people, especially those under thirteen around, to eavesdrop. Sure, I had plans to make Ryan sorry and sure, I had to make things right with Lydia's father, but I needed some serious advice to do so. 

"Well it wouldn't be a camping trip without you." Taylor smiled widely. "I'll wait for you in the car." 

I gathered up my essentials: clothes, toiletries, an extra coat, and my cellphone, then ran down the steps two at a time. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Mom asked, putting her newspaper down where she was sitting in the recliner, eyeing me intensely. 

"Camping? With Taylor?" I said innocently, my thumb pointing in the direction of the front door Taylor had walked through moments earlier. 

"I don't think so, son. Not after last night." Mom replied sternly and picked up her paper again to continue reading it, blocking the view from her face. "Maybe next time." 

"But-" 

"Diana, leave him alone." My Dad said, walking into the living room, wiping his grease stained hands off on a towel. "He's going with his brother. It's fine." 

My face lit up at my father coming to my rescue without being asked. Normally, he tended to stay out of things, but this time, he felt the need to emerge himself into it. 

"Walker, you know this boy didn't come in until 7AM this morning!" Mom huffed, throwing her paper down in a tantrum. 

"Yes, dear, I do. But it's camping. It'll do him some good, don't you think? No luxuries to be had. Just him and the wilderness. Builds character." Dad nodded in my direction. "Go on Zac, have a good time." 

I smiled and hurried through the door, thanking him on my way out. 

Taylor was leaning against the SUV, arms folded, as he talked to his new girlfriend Natalie. She had shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes to match. Her ensemble resembled that of a typical every day outfit; plaid three quarter length shirt, and skinny jeans, with a pair of brown cowboy boots. Her accent was that of a southern drawl, but it suited her. The typical girl next door. In the backseat, there was another girl, much paler in comparison to Natalie, and thinner. She seemed quiet and reserved, but harmless nonetheless. 

"Hey, Zac!" Taylor beamed over at me, reaching his hand out to take my bag. "All ready to go?" 

I smiled and nodded at him as I jumped into the passenger seat and drummed on the dashboard with my hands, waiting for Taylor to hit the road. 

In my left peripheral, I saw a hand appear next to me. 

"I'm Natalie." She said, as I looked down at her extended hand and up at her face. I took her hand in mine and gently shook it. 

"Zac." I smiled, and turned my focus onto the girl sitting directly behind me and to Natalie's left. 

She didn't look up at me, just kept staring down at her hands, picking at her cuticles. Her sunglasses were sitting atop her head, a peach halter top on, white shorts, and the ugliest pair of sandals I'd ever seen. 

I peered up at Taylor who had the back open, appearing to check all of the camping gear inventory, his eyes meeting mine. He smiled weakly up at me and proceeded to shut the back up. 

Taylor pulled open the drivers side door excitedly, clapping his hands together before roaring the engine to life. 

"Let's go!"


	15. Chapter 15

Zac 

"Hold me closer tiny dancer, count the headlights on the highway!" 

All of us were singing in the car, attempting to have fun and be positive, except for the girl behind me in the backseat, whom I still didn't have a name for. She was still sitting in the same position; head down. I don't know why, but I felt like if I didn't snap her out of her shitty attitude, this was going to be a waste of everyone's time. We need the solace during tour breaks and I didn't need some girl I'd never met, to bring everyone down. 

I nonchalantly nudged Taylor in his right arm in the midst of his sing along and jutted my head towards the backseat. He peered into the rearview mirror and shook his head. 

"Hey Kate!" Taylor yelled over the music, putting on a big fake grin, which is an easy task since we have to fake it for work so much. "What's your favorite song?" 

So that's her name.. 

I looked into the side mirror to see her reaction, hoping that breathed some life into her. Instead, her shyness rebelled even further as her face turned beet red. 

She said something, but it was nearly inaudible due to the loud music. Aggravated, I turned the knob to the volume down, catching a shit face from Taylor as I did so. 

"Sorry, what was that? I can't hear a word you're fucking saying." I turned around in my seat, and looked at her, my asshole tone purposefully showing through. 

Her eyes snapped up at me, her eyes pooling with tears. Great, she's sensitive. 

"Zac, what the hell." Taylor remarked through gritted teeth as he turned into the driveway for the campground. 

"Nevermind." I huffed as I got out and slammed my door to make my way around the back of the SUV to get my stuff. 

I knew why I was being such a shit bag to what's her name. Any girl around me who wasn't Lydia's open personality seemed to set me off. Being shy is something I can relate to, but I can at least hold a conversation with someone. 

Taylor joined me around the back of the SUV, Natalie opened her door to stretch and tried to coax Kate out of the car. I rolled my eyes, which Taylor caught.

"Dude, what the fuck." Taylor hissed at me, leaning against the back of the car, pushing his blonde hair out of his face. 

"What?" I asked innocently, trying to move him out of the way to get my things, but he blocked me. 

"No. Zac, that was fucked up." Taylor shook his head and sighed. "You need to apologize." 

"Uh..no. She is ruining the trip by being all clammed up. I'm not apologizing." I stated simply, crossing my arms across my chest. 

He and I stared each other down, unmoving for a few moments, until Taylor took a step towards me, his cheeks turning red. 

"Actually Zac, you're the one ruining this trip. You either apologize? Or you can go home. Your choice." He shrugged, his hands slapping his thighs as he turned around and opened the back, starting friendly small talk with Kate. 

"Fine." I mumbled so only I could hear and met Kate on the right side of the truck, and opened the door for her. 

Her head snapped up quickly, eyes meeting mine. She winced when she noticed it was me, and pushed past me to meet up with Taylor and Natalie who were now both behind the SUV. I rolled my eyes and shut the door gently, even though every part of me wanted to slam it, and walked up behind her. I leaned in towards her right ear and whispered, "I'd like to speak to you for a moment." 

She craned her head towards me and nodded when she grabbed her bag from Taylor and stepped away from him. He and I exchanged glances, him smirking at me, as he started pulling out the tent. 

When I looked back over at her, arms crossed, head down again, kicking dirt with her gaudy sandals. I inwardly groaned to myself. 

"Hey..Kate?" I asked, she looked up at me, her eyes searching mine but unsure. "I'm really sorry I snapped on you like that. I've been under a lot of stress lately. I didn't mean to-" 

She held her hand up at me, and a sly smile pulled up at the corner of her mouth. 

"It's okay, Zac. You don't need to apologize to me." Kate stated matter of factly, pulled her backpack onto her shoulder, and started to walk past me. 

"Wait, what?" I asked her, putting my hand on her shoulder to stop her as she passed by me. 

"Grow a pair, Zac. I might be reserved but at least I can own it when I'm being an asshole." She sneered at me, and shrugged my hand off her shoulder. 

All I could do was blankly stare at her back as she met back up with Taylor, Natalie, and an unloaded SUV. 

Lydia

Against my better judgement, I texted Zac. I thought maybe we could talk after what happened last night. All I dreamt about last night was him, and what we could potentially be. But every text I sent, went unanswered. I cussed myself for even trying. The conversation we had that lead up to kissing me, left me raw with emotions and that scared the shit out of me. 

Defeated, I pulled myself out of bed around six in the evening and transplanted myself onto the sofa where my parents were discussing something I hadn't paid any mind to, until I noticed the TV was on mute. 

"You need to let her live her life, Frank." My Mom sighed, dropping her Woman's World magazine on the end table and disappearing into the kitchen to make dinner. 

My Dad looked at me cross, and turned the TV back off of mute, the sounds of The Fresh Prince filling the room. 

The chime from my cell phone went off. I assumed it was Zac finally replying so I pulled out my phone again, seeing it was Ryan. 

RYAN: 

SRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT. CAN I COME OVER. 

I wrinkled my nose in disgust and tossed my phone back down beside me, trying to focus on the TV; A not so happy family that was almost as messed up as my own. Was there ever a perfect family? Though, if you dropped me in a mansion about now, you could consider me pleased. 

My cell went off again.. and again. 

I audibly growled at my annoyance and flipped it open again. 

RYAN: 

IM OUTSIDE. 

RYAN:

I WONT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. 

Cue panic. I flitted my eyes over at my Dad who was already staring at me, eyebrow raised. 

"Trouble in paradise?" He remarked, shaking his head in disapproval. 

"Call the police." I replied back flatly, tremble in my voice, as the hot tears pin pricked from my eyes. 

My dad jumped up from his seat, and peered out the window, pulling the curtain back. 

"That's not who was here last night." My dad announced, confused. "Who is that?" 

Before I could answer, my Mom was in the living room, a dish towel over her shoulder, hair pulled back. 

"What's going on?" She asked, pulling the towel down off her shoulder and drying her hands off on it. 

"Just call the police!" I shrieked as I started to pace the floor, holding myself in fear. 

Mom scurried back to the kitchen. Moments later I heard her talking to an operator as there was a beating on the door. 

I froze. 

What the hell was happening? Why would Zac ignore me and now Ryan is at my door in such a threatening way? 

"Lydia!" Ryan called from the other side of the door. "You SLUT!" 

My dad turned towards me, his hand on the doorknob. I shook my head furiously, pleading him not to open it. Who knows what he's capable of. 

"Dad, don't!" I warned, rivers of tears flowing now, breaking me into a hard sob. 

Mom came running into the living room once more, phone still pressed to her ear. "They're on the way, Frank! Don't be an idiot!" 

"And you wonder why I don't want you dating!" My Dad pointed his finger at me, retreating from the door. 

Just as I was about to curl into a ball, we heard sirens from outside and a struggle, mixed with yelling. I crept up to the window where my Dad had pulled the curtains back again, and looked at the display on our front lawn. The police had Ryan on the ground, on his belly, cuffs behind his back. We watched as they loaded him up in one of the cars and slammed the door in his face.


	16. Chapter 16

Zac 

At sunset, the fire crackled and popped around us that Taylor had made as I finished setting up the tent. The two girls were giggling to each other, stealing glances at both of us as we worked to set up camp. I rolled my eyes and dug through our supplies in search of marshmallows, when I heard the unmistakable sound of kissing behind me. I turned around and saw Taylor and Natalie making out. A little too close to Kate to be considered tasteful. Natalie's hair whipped at Kate's face, causing her to grimace and jump up. 

"Okayyy." Kate snorted, came up to me and snatched the bag of marshmallows out of my hand. "Shall we?" 

She stalked over to an empty log, sat down, and plucked a marshmallow out of the bag, plopping it into her mouth, then patted the spot next to her. 

Confusion filled the back of my mind, but the food was an easy coax for me. 

I reached into the supply bag again, pulling out hot dogs and buns. Seeing as I hadn't eaten yet today, this was as good a time as any. 

I sat down next to Kate as she roasted her marshmallows until they caught fire, one right after the other. Neither one of us speaking. Just enjoying the comfortable silence.

"Want one?" She finally offered, holding the bag out to me after I'd finished off a few hot dogs and a handful of chips. 

When I eyed the bag, I noticed she'd killed half of it on her own. 

"Hungry, were we?" I chuckled, fishing a handful of them out, skewering them on my stick and holding them over the fire. 

"This is awkward." Kate stated, looking across the fire at Taylor and Natalie, who hadn't come up for air once, a familiar feeling wafting over me: jealousy. 

"You could say that," I sighed, yearning for Lydia, wondering what she was up to, hoping she was thinking of me. 

My eyes roamed to the spot where she and I had been only the night before, lying on the leaf beds that remained untouched since then. 

"What are you thinking about?" Kate questioned as she turned her body towards mine. Her face was a gorgeous shade of orange, reflecting off of the fire. "You're awfully quiet for someone talks a lot of shit." 

When I didn't answer, she cocked an eyebrow, slightly tilting her head towards Taylor and Natalie, then back at me. I swallowed thickly, my heart racing a hundred miles a second as she moved more towards me. 

"Kate, wait." I said, putting my hands up to block her attempt to kiss me, her eyes not leaving my lips. "I don't think this is a good idea." 

"And why not?" She purred, closing the gap between us, her thin body pressed against mine, nearly knocking me off the log. 

"I'm -" 

My answer didn't come quick enough. Her lips crashed onto mine in a fury, her mouth tasting like marshmallows and cinnamon. It took everything in me to resist her, but I eventually lost my stamina. The next thing I knew, we were making out on the ground, me on top of her, our tongues dancing together. 

"Zac? What are you doing?" Taylor asked, startling me. I quickly broke the kiss, looked down at Kate, sporting a wicked grin on her face. 

Fuck. 

Lydia

"We're going to the school and courthouse first thing in the morning, Lydia." My Mom stated, furiously blotting tears from her eyes as she sat across from me on my bed in her bathrobe. 

"Why school?" I asked her nervously, biting at my nails; an old habit I'd kicked years prior that was now returning. 

"You can't go back there! Not with him around! We're getting a restraining order so there's no use in it." Mom explained, looking me over trying to gauge my feelings. 

I'd just made friends there, and it was my senior year. How can one person dictate my entire future, again?! 

"Mom, no!" I started, getting up to pace my bedroom. "It's just like Chris! We can't let Ryan have power over us, too!" 

"It's final, Lydia." Mom replied sternly, getting up from my bed, stopping in the doorway, turning around to face me. "Be up at 0700 AM." 

She closed the bedroom door, and my world shattered. Taking solace in someone who maybe would understand, I connected to the internet and pulled up AOL instant messenger. 

Heather - Hey girl, long time no talk! How are things in Tulsa?! 

Lydia - Awful. 

Heather - Uh oh. What's up? 

Lydia - Do you swear you can keep a secret? I mean pinky swear! 

Heather - Pinky swear. You've known me since forever. I'd never tell anyone anything you tell me. 

Lydia - I'm kind of dating Zac Hanson. Stress the kind of. He kissed me last night. 

Heather - THE Zac Hanson? 

Lydia - The one and only. =\ 

Heather - So...what's the bad news? 

Lydia - Well...I went on a date with his best friend first. But he physically assaulted me. Zac ended up saving me but the guy showed up at my house tonight trying to break my front door down. The worst part, is now my Mom is pulling me out of school. My senior year! Since he goes there too. She's filing a restraining order. 

Heather - Whoa. Talk about drama. Keep me in the loop. I hope things get better. TTYL.

I shut my laptop and fell back onto the bed, my head swirling with all of the drama that's ensued in the last couple of days. Some best friend of Zac's that Ryan turned out to be.

I stood up on my bed, staring at the poster I'd packed multiple times, fraying at the edges; all I felt was anger and pain every time I looked at younger Zac's face. Had I known what kind of bullshit he would put me through, I'd never fantasized about being with him. 

I ripped the poster off of the wall and shredded it into as small of pieces as I could get them, littering it all over my comforter, kicking as many pieces to the floor as I could, and curled up under my covers. 

With the way that Zac was ghosting me, I'd say Ryan and him were fairly even. The only thing missing is him trying to break down my door. Considering you can tell someone's personality by the company they keep, my heart was shutting down. 

Zac Hanson was now in my past, and not in my future.


	17. Chapter 17

Zac

As I was lying under my sleeping bag facing the wall of the inside of the tent listening to crickets and smoldering campfire outside of the tent, my stomach hurt. Kate had lured me into that kiss, it wasn’t even provoked. Yet, I still felt like I could have done anything besides roll around with her in the dirt, total disregard for Lydia and the breakthroughs that we were getting towards. Another part of me, was pissed off at her. I’d dropped my heart out in front of her, I’d shared that kiss with her, and I’ve heard nothing from her since. My cell phone has been within feet of me at all given times, and yet, radio silence. 

Right as I’d felt like I could sleep, I felt an arm slide from behind my back to around my front, hug my stomach, and press their body up against me. I pulled the top of the sleeping bag opened and looked down at the arm - feminine; it belonged to Kate. I quickly turned around and stared at her, her lips curved up into a smile.

“What are you doing?” I whispered, grabbing her wrist that lay on my stomach off of me, and threw it back at her, sitting up and looked down at her. She looked offended, but I didn’t care. My head was too confused for an extra complication in my life right now.

“You liked it earlier.” She chuckled airily, slowly licking her lips in a tantalizing way, reaching out to me again, running her fingers down my arm that I’d had next to her, holding my balance up. I looked down at them, watching as they teased me, goosebumps forming all over my skin. When I flitted my eyes up at her again, her eyes were now full of lust. She had a motive, but what was it? 

“Kate…” I groaned, pulling my legs up from under me, pushing the sleeping back off of me completely, and attempting to get up, when she pulled me back down, losing my balance. She pushed me down so I was lying flat on my back. Here I was, yet again, with the ability to stop her, but I felt powerless.The want was overcoming the desire of not to. Where was the shy girl that I saw just hours earlier in the car? 

She leaned over me, hovering her lips slightly above mine, her hot breath in billowing off of my face.

“Do you want me?” Kate asked seductively, her brown eyes searching mine. 

I’d started hyperventilating, but not knowing I was doing it until I felt like I might pass out; this was too much for me to comprehend. Kate wasn’t the one I wanted. Sure, she’d been forward about her feelings after a weird shy moment. I found it sexy, but not enough to throw all of my moral compass out of the fucking window for a hook up of someone I didn’t even know. Newsflash, I’m still a virgin. As a virgin, I felt compelled to do one thing: scream for help. 

“Taylor!” I screamed, shoving Kate off of me and balling myself up, pulling my knees to my chest. He woke up then, unwrapped himself from Natalie’s embrace that they were in as they’d fallen asleep together, and sat up eyes wide open staring in my direction.

“Zac?” He asked, rubbing his eyes and blinking rapidly a few times, adjusting his sight.

“Taylor, please. I want to go home.” I admitted as Kate was eyeing me in the corner of the tent, hurt written all over her face. But I didn’t care anymore. This succubus was pressing her luck with me, and this wasn’t the way to get me to be okay with screwing someone the first day I’d met them, and definitely not like this.

“Why?” He asked, crawling over to me, sitting on his knees, placing his hands over top of mine that were holding myself. Natalie was in the sleeping bag now awake, hair disheveled but also looked concerned. She eyed Kate who was unmoving from the place I’d shoved her to, then back at me. Her and I met eyes, and she looked down, shaking her head.

“This temptress, or whatever you want to call her.” I started, pointing my finger hastily over at Kate, her face mere inches from the tip of my index finger. “Just tried to make me have sex with her!” I got up, now angry after hearing my own words, and found my jeans, shoving them on, as everyone in the tent watched me. 

“Wait, what?” Taylor asked, eyeing me as I shouldered my shirt on, then looked back over at Kate. “Kate? Is this true?” He asked coolly, now balancing on his knees and knuckles, facing her.

She looked down at her feet that were curled under her and sniffled. This immediately had my eyes rolling so far back into my head, I swore I saw my neurons pissed off, having their raging war at the attempt to hold myself back from murder. 

“Kate?” Taylor repeated again when she didn’t speak. “Come on. You can tell us.” He coaxed her, and she looked up at me, a tear rolling down her left cheek. 

“I just wanted him to like me.” She sniffled again, wiping at her nose with her hand. “I didn’t mean any harm.”

Taylor blew out a breath and raised his eyebrows, looking at nothing in particular. 

“Zac, I think there’s a miscommunication here.” He said, turning to me and getting up off of the tent floor and stepping towards me, waiting for me to say something.

“There is no miscommunication, Taylor.” I said flatly, backing up outside of the tent and picked up my bag, hoisting it over my left shoulder. “I can’t believe you would take her side. You’re jumping to conclusions that I’ve misunderstood because she’s your stupid girlfriend’s fucked up evil twin. If you won’t take me home, I guess I’ll walk.”

I turned around and started walking. I didn’t wait for an answer. I might regret the decision later about what I’d said, but I sure as fuck meant it, and that’s okay with me. 

Lydia

“Do you have anything you’d like to add?” The circuit court clerk asked me. My Mom’s word was solid; we were at the courthouse. She wanted it expedited as soon as possible due to the police report that was filled out only last night. 

I simply shook my head, angry that I was being put into this position. We’d already been through this once before with Chris and I was starting to think I was going to just ward off dating for good after this. Nothing good ever seemed to come from it for me. I was always plagued with these guys who promise me the world, then show their true colors once they get you alone. 

Zac did that for me too. From afar, he felt like the type of person that would make your heart sing and you’d never get bored of each other. Growing old would be simple. But it just wasn’t that. I still haven't heard a single word from him in the past two days and I felt like a jerk to myself for even thinking that there was any hope left for us. 

He got what he wanted out of me, so he did what all guys do; turn into a coward and run away.

Who was I to think that I was something special? 

As many girls as he’s encountered with the band, touring, traveling, what have you, why would I be the one he chose? 

The next time a guy drops a drink on me, I’ll think differently. 

*****

When we pulled into the driveway from my Mom disenrolling me from public school into homeschooling for the rest of my Senior year, I noticed Taylor’s SUV was parked inside the cul de sac where Zac had parked before. The same night that he’d crawled in through my window. My mom followed my gaze and saw it there, Taylor getting out of the driver seat and coming towards us, flicking his cigarette in the road and exhaling the last bit of cigarette smoke. He was done up in a brown leather jacket, blue jeans, and black boots. It also appeared his hair was highlighted.

“Wow.” Mom gasped. I looked over at her as her breath hitched in her throat. Not going to lie to you Mom, my same sentiments. “Who is that?” She asked me, turning to me.

“That’s Zac’s brother, Taylor.” I informed her, as I opened the door, speed walking up to him, his beautiful blue eyes meeting mine halfway to him.

“Hey!” He smirked, flashing a toothy grin at me, pulling me into a quick hug and stepping back, stuffing his hands in his leather jacket pockets. “How are you?” 

“I’ve been...better.” I sighed, pulling my lips between my teeth, putting pressure on them to try and keep the tears from coming, looking up at the clouds in the sky. 

“Hey...What’s wrong?” He asked, my eyes meeting his again, concerned filled his face. 

“Everything.. But I won’t go there. It’s a long story. But, your friend Ryan fucking sucks.” I spat at him, not wanting to give him any further explanation. Just the statement.

“Listen, I know you’re upset but we took care of it. Things will soon pass.” Taylor offered, nodding his head towards me, placing his hand on my forearm that was folded up as my arms were crossed against my chest.

That’s when I realized, he didn’t know about the other night with Ryan showing up here. Not in the mood to spread drama, I had to figure out why he was here...if he didn’t know.

“Right so.. Why are you here, again?” I asked him, quickly changing the subject. “Your stupid brother isn’t here, either.”

His eyes met mine, a frown quickly appearing as he leaned down and fished his packet of cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting one and exhaling deeply.

“Zac isn’t here, huh..” Taylor repeated my words back to me, licking his lips slowly and rubbing them together. “Okay. Sorry to bother you.. But if you see him, can you tell him I’m looking for him?” 

I blinked at him, more confused now than I was before when he was making both my Mom and I hot and bothered.

“Wait. You can’t find him?” I asked him. 

“He’s been missing since last night, Lydia.” Taylor exhaled deeply on his cigarette again, kicking a pebble from the street into the grass. “Our parents are having an Amber alert issued soon.”

My stomach sank, my heart sped up. How can a famous person just go missing?


	18. Chapter 18

Zac

I got two miles down the road when I started to regret my decision. I looked behind me and in front of me, no cars or Taylor coming after me. Completely and utterly alone, exhausted, and pissed off. I dropped my bag off of my shoulder and pulled out my phone, only two percent battery left. The only person I knew who had a car who was up in the middle of the night was Ryan. 

I sat down on my bag and flipped open my phone, dialing his number and pressing the phone to my ear. 

"Yo." Ryan's voice sounded in my ear after only two short rings, a big yawn following.

"Hey man, sorry to wake you. I know we didn't end things off on the best of terms the other night at the theater but-" 

"It's cool, don't sweat it. We're bro's right? We're family." He cut me off. I breathed a sigh of relief. 

We'd been friends for so long, stemming back to the preschool at our church. His parents were well-to-do people who were very active in their religion, just like my parents. Had they not of been, my family wouldn’t have had any of it. Their idea was to have a well rounded family so for anything to misconstrue that, would have been a hard no from the beginning. 

There were many times that I’d come to Ryan’s aid when he’d been down about a girl at school, and I’d do my best to help him. I always fantasized what it would have been like to attend a public school, meet more kids my age. So when he asked for permission to date the only person that I’d recently found an interest in, I took great offense to it, but I owed him one. 

You see, we had a friend named Amy, and she always came by whenever her and Ryan got out of school to hang out in our treehouse, but sometimes also we would go hang around the junkyard getting into things we weren’t supposed to. Amy was a tomboy and never had a problem catching up with the boys. Ryan had expressed to me when we were about eleven or twelve, that he had a really big crush on her, but so did I. 

One fall day, Ryan wasn’t with us since he’d gotten the flu from school. Amy and I we were alone out at the junkyard, playing in a broken down school bus that we’d turned into our own hideout. Her and I were organizing our comic books by super hero, like any other day, trying to get it all setup and ready for Ryan wasn’t sick anymore, as a surprise. 

“Amy, where’s Spiderman?!” I yelled for her, dumping a box of them out onto the bus floor and tossing each one aside that wasn’t the right one. 

“I dunno…” Amy mumbled coming over to me from across the bus where she’d been putting glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. She leaned over my right shoulder, her breasts touching my back, watching me sift through them. “Maybe I left it at my house.” 

I turned to look at her face which was just inches from mine. Her hair was a honey blonde color, pulled up into a messy bun, skin so smooth, lips full, her green eyes meeting mine. Amy was Italian and typically had the attitude to match it. But on this day, I could feel something was different. She was very close to me, sometimes too close, and kept touching me; on my shoulders, arms, even my lower back once. I licked my lips slowly, and pecked her on the cheek, just to test it and see what would happen. 

Amy pulled her hand up to her face where my lips had just been, and looked at me for awhile. We stayed there, unmoving, for longer than I’d care to admit. I was starting to get embarrassed at her not reciprocating, or saying anything. In my head, it was like the clock’s ticking ceased, freezing time. I was almost afraid to blink, thinking if I had, she’d find that opportunity to get up, bolt out of the bus, and I’d never see her again.

I turned my body towards her. Amy looked down at my lips again, her hand still on her cheek, then she quickly moved towards them, crashing them into mine hungrily. My hands quickly found the back of her neck, tangling my fingers in the messy bun atop her head, the other on the small of her back, pulling her towards me. She was sitting on my lap with her legs on either side of my body, running her hands through my hair, parting my lips with her tongue, nibbling on my lower lip here and there, when we heard him. 

“Hey guys! I’m all bett-” Ryan happily announced as he’d stepped onto the bus, catching us sitting in the far corner of the bus, so entangled in each other, you couldn’t tell who started and where the other one stopped. “What the FUCK?!” He yelled, throwing his arms out in our direction, his face crimson.

Amy quickly scurried off of me, while I sat there frozen, and walked up towards Ryan in an attempt to calm him down, but he didn’t move or say anything else. He just stared at her, his eyes pooling with anger. 

She kept saying things like, “Are you okay?” “We’re still friends right? It meant nothing!” 

But he never responded to any of it. 

He just stood there with his Atlanta Braves ball cap on and matching gray sweater, his fists balled up at his sides.

“Fuck you both.” He hissed at us, storming off of the bus and running through the junkyard, a dirt cloud surrounding him until he disappeared out of sight. 

Ever since then, I told myself that if he wanted someone, he could have them, no matter how much I liked them. I always wanted to repay him for what I'd done.

Amy and I parted ways shortly after that, not wanting to be in the middle of a love triangle. Despite how good of friends we were, we didn't feel like our friendship could continue. 

Now in our present, I was hoping that the drive home would give us a chance to talk some of this present turmoil out and get to the root cause of his drinking. I missed the way our friendship used to be. 

"Right." I smirked. "So hey listen. I'm out at the campground. About two miles from the sites. I need a ride." 

"Do you realize what time it is?" Ryan huffed in my ear and groaned. 

"I'm sorry." I frowned. "I just need my best friend right now. This harlot of a girl that Taylor's girlfriend brought with them is freaking me the fuck out." 

"Give me an hour." He sighed, ending the call. 

*****

I'd fallen asleep against a tree when I heard a horn honking and a bright flash in my face, startling me awake. 

Ryan's Jeep was waiting on me. I groggily picked up my bag, tossing it into his backseat, and climbed into the passenger side. I looked over at him. He looked just as tired as I felt. My eyes trailed down to his cup holder, a five hour energy and Redbull there, both opened. 

"Hey man." I greeted him, settling into my seat, reaching behind the backseat and grabbing my pillow from atop it, putting it behind my head between the seat and window. I laid my head against it as he made a u-turn out of the campground.

“So what happened, exactly?” Ryan asked, putting on his turn signal and pulling onto the freeway, stealing glances at me as he drank more of his Redbull.

“There’s this girl. Kate. Natalie’s best friend.” I started, another big yawn escaping my mouth. “She kept trying to seduce me or some shit. I don’t know.” 

He chuckled and shook his head, pushing his Atlanta Braves ball cap down more on top of his head. “Man, you really let the church get to you, didn’t you? Any other sixteen year old guy would’ve taken advantage of that. Well, if she’s hot, anyway. Is she hot?” 

I wrinkled my nose and turned to look at him. He was serious. I don’t know when he felt like the church was more important than getting my dick wet, because that’s not what this was about. I just wanted it to be special when the time came. 

“She’s hot, I guess. But bat shit crazy.” I shrugged, nestling my head further into the pillow, closing my eyes as my head swam with what the fuck I’m supposed to do to explain this to anyone. Running away wasn’t something I was exactly known for, but I knew bullshit when I saw it, and that was not it. Knowing Taylor though, he’d appreciate having two girls in his tent with him, probably fucking like rabbits. My eyes snapped open, rolling my eyes at the thought, followed by disgusted look. 

“The bat shit crazy ones are the best ones in bed, dude.” Ryan shrugged and reached towards me, opening the glove box and pulling out a flask. My eyes flitted over to him as he went to unscrew the top and take a drink. Panicking, I slapped it out of his hand, it fell to the floor, spilling the contents all over his floor mat. 

“ZAC!” He yelled at me, taking his eyes off of the road, reaching an arm between the seat and his center console to fish it out. “What is the matter with you?!”

“You are NOT drinking and driving, Ryan.” I snapped at him, my chest heaving fast breaths. If I could transform into a Hulk like one of my favorite super heroes right now, I would Hulk smash him in the goddamn face. 

“Okay church boy, lighten up. One sip isn’t going to kill anyone.” He rolled his eyes, pulling the flask up from the floor, wiping it off with his shirt. He shook it and noticed it was empty, scowled at me, and tossed it into the back of the car. “Thanks for that.”

“Whatever, I just care about you.” I admitted, leaning back in my seat, folding my hands in my lap, trying to calm myself down. “Can I stay at your place tonight?” 

He looked back over at me, taking his ball cap off, scratching his head, put it back on, and exhaled frustratingly. “Yeah, man. Sure.”


	19. Chapter 19

Lydia 

Taylor and I decided to go look for Zac together. I needed to get away from my house for a bit. I'd been cocooned in there since Zac left me alone two days ago, and after the experience with Ryan, I was itching to get out. 

"Where do you think he could be?" I asked Taylor, watching as his fingers gripped his shifter in the car, the other on top of his steering wheel, tapping on it. 

He glanced over at me through his sunglasses, bringing both hands back up to the steering wheel and pulled into a park. There was a lake in front of us, surrounded by lots of greenery, a restaurant, and a small pier. 

“Wow, this place is nice.” I breathed, turning and looking around through the windows at what surrounded us, finally looking back over at Taylor who had a small grin playing on his lips. I assume enjoying my excitement about an unfamiliar territory.

“It’s one of my favorite spots. Great for photographs.” He smiled at me as he pulled open his car door. I followed suit and shut my door, walking around to meet him behind his SUV. “This way.” He directed me, walking towards the restaurant.  
We got up to the door of the restaurant, some patrons exiting, holding the door open for us in a nice hospitable way. 

“Thank you.” Taylor smiled at them, holding the door open the rest of the way to allow me to pass by him. 

We walked in, a fireplace was nestled in the corner next to a bar where there were a couple of people carrying on some kind of dramatic story, lifting wine glasses to their lips, picking out of the pretzel bowl in between breaths. 

A hostess walked up to us, menus in hand. “Just two?” She asked, beaming at us, as she plucked out rolls of silverware out of a bin next to her.

“Yes.” Taylor replied to her, putting his hand on my left shoulder, him on my right. I looked up at him, confused. What the heck? Is Taylor Hanson taking me out to dinner? I decided he was being nice enough and cordial, so I pushed the ill intended thoughts out of my head. 

We got to the table, and Taylor showed his gentleman side, pulling out my chair for me. I gratefully accepted his gesture, and took my seat as he walked around to his side and scooted up to the table. 

“So.” Taylor started clearing his throat, removing his sunglasses placing them down, eyeing the bread basket in the middle of the table next to a dimly lit votive candle. “I wanted to take you here, because I had a lot on my mind… and what better way to discuss something over food.” He explained, picking up a dinner roll and slathering butter on it. 

“Sure.” I weakly smiled, trying not to get lost in his eyes. They seemed to have a power over me, and I was kicking myself for having these thoughts. He was Zac’s brother. This wouldn’t be right. I didn’t even know if he had a girlfriend. 

Taylor looked up at me again gently, and reached his hand across the table, motioning me for my hand. I obliged hesitantly, and he gripped it, leaning forward towards me. 

“Zac really likes you, but he’s not exactly mature enough to carry on a relationship.” He stated, his thumb starting to caress the top of my hand. I looked down at our hands, my stomach began to flutter and I felt dizzy with a momentous amount of emotion coursing through me. My throat went dry. I took a sip of my water, the ice clanking against the glass, closing my eyes, the coldness welcome and familiar. 

“Okay so what are you trying to say?” I asked him, trying not to fumble over my words. My heart has been through so much in such a short amount of time, that I can’t even fathom putting it through anything else. Taylor was a level of perfection that I could never uphold to. Everything about him seemed so put together, so flawless, that I’d never measure up to him.  
“What I’m trying to say..” Taylor started to explain, when our waitress arrived at our table. “Hold that thought.” 

He let go of my hand and opened his menu back up. He gave the waitress his order, I followed suit, but snorted at him asking her to bring a carafe of coffee to the table and leaving it. She raised her eyebrow at him, but agreed to his request, leaving us alone once more. 

“Okay. So, what I was trying to say, is that it might be unconventional here, but I feel like I want to try something with you.” Taylor blushed, licking his lips and dragging his teeth across his bottom lip seductively.

“Wait, what?” I asked him. My head was spinning. “Why? We’re supposed to be looking for your brother, not.. This” I motioned with my hands to the table and where we were. 

“I know that, Lydia..and I probably shouldn’t say this but..” He trailed off, his carafe of coffee being brought to the table with a mug. He made up his coffee, stirring it, then placed the spoon back on his napkin, then looked up at me as he finished a sip. “Zac’s been seeing someone else.”

He swallowed thickly, setting his mug down on the table, pushed his newly highlighted hair out of his face, and fishing out his pack of cigarettes again. Guess this guy has terrible coping mechanisms. He lit his cigarette and exhaled deeply, leaning forward on an elbow, and flipped over the ashtray on the side of the table, flicking ashes into it. 

“What?” I asked him, my breath hitching in my throat, my eyes pooling with tears. I pulled my elbows onto the table and held my head in my hands. “How could he be seeing someone else?” I asked him, lifting my head out of my hands my eyes set on his. He was tilting his head, pulling on his cigarette again, before he answered.

“He just is.” Taylor stated, flicking his ashes again. “I thought you should know. But I also think you and I are better for each other.” He admitted, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I need to leave.” I admitted, standing up quickly from my chair, nearly knocking it over as I started to dash from the table. “I can’t do this.” I motioned to the contents on the table.

Taylor looked up at me, offended, and reached his free hand out for me, holding on firmly. 

“Please don’t go.” He winced, standing up from his chair and snuffing out his cigarette, closing the gap between us. “I’m sorry.”

He pulled me into a hug which I didn’t reciprocate on, standing there motionless. Taylor stepped back from me and looked down, his hands lay on my waist. 

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, placing a kiss on my forehead. “I’m sorry Zac’s a jerk, and I’m sorry if I’m coming on too strong.” He sighed, “I tend to do that a lot.”

“It’s okay.” I weakly smiled at him, rubbing my forehead with my hand and slapping it down at my thigh. “I think we’re all going through a lot, too.” I admitted.

Taylor nodded at me and motioned towards the chairs, hoping I’d sit back down. I hesitantly agreed, our food arrived moments later. We ate our food together, Taylor changing topics from relationships to where Zac could potentially be at, for which I was grateful. When the check came, Taylor’s cell phone went off in his pocket. He fished it out and his face lit up.

“Zac!” Taylor yelled into the phone. “Where are you?!” He asked him, his eyes meeting mine as they spoke. I felt jealousy overcoming me that he got to speak to him first, but pushed it out of my mind. 

Like Taylor said, he’d moved on, and I guess I should do the same. 

I watched as Taylor animatedly spoke with him, getting up from the table and nodding towards the door. We hastily got out of the restaurant, and into the parking lot when I heard Taylor tell him, “I’m with her now. No, she’s fine. No, she doesn’t want to talk to you right now.” 

I stopped in my tracks, him getting about five feet ahead of me, before he realized I’d stopped accompanying him back to the car. Taylor turned back around to look at me, phone still pressed to his ear, wincing when he’d realized he’d spoken on my behalf. 

“Zac, no, it’s fine.” He brought the phone back to his mouth, coming back towards me and lacing his fingers in mine as he spoke, and I didn’t pull away, though I should have. 

I stood there staring at the lake, my heart pulled in a thousand directions. Nothing was ever as it seemed. I’d been caught in the middle of a love triangle, and with the way Zac had disappeared, and supposedly moved on, I suppose the best revenge is turning to the person he was closest to. 

I guess that person was Taylor.


	20. Chapter 20

Zac

“No, she doesn’t want to talk to you right now.” 

Taylor’s words kept reverberating around in my head as I laid in the hotel bed in the room that I’d checked into. My parents had given me a credit card in my name a couple of years ago in case of emergencies while we were out on the road. So when I saw Ryan go into his parents liquor cabinet as soon as we’d walked into his house, I called a cab and had them take me to this Holiday Inn about 3 miles from Cain’s Ballroom. 

Why was Lydia doing this to me? I thought we’d shared something special, but after the way Kate had shown her prowess towards me, I was second guessing everything. As much as I wanted to blame Kate, I had to partially blame myself. I wasn’t alone, and I had my own brain, but I was sick to death of never getting what I wanted. All I ever saw around me was Ike and Tay hooking up with girls in our hotel rooms abroad, while I had pretended to be asleep. They’d always told me, “You’re not old enough for this.” 

I sat up in bed, and flipped my phone open once more furiously, texting Taylor to give me Kate’s number. He replied back within seconds, so I called her.

“Still want me?” I gruffed into the phone, a bit angrier sounding than I’d anticipated. Seduction wasn’t my strong suit, but she seemed to be turned on by assholes. Or rockstars. Whichever. At this point, it didn’t matter.

*****

Kate showed up at my door in no time. 

I opened the door, she was dressed in a lacy getup that made my dick twitch in my pants. She stepped towards me inside of the hotel, her eyes full of want. This immediately turned me on more than I’d anticipated. 

I took hold of her by her back and pulled her all the way inside, kicking the door shut, our lips smashing together, our tongues feverishly dancing together. I moved us towards the bed, landing on top of her, pulling her straps down, kissing her shoulders, as she reached down and unbuttoned my pants, reaching inside of my boxers with expertise, taking hold of me. I moaned into her shoulder, not ever having someone touch me in this way, other than myself. 

Kate gripped my sides, and for someone who was half my size, she was decently strong as she pushed me back, ripping my shirt off so the buttons went flying around the room. She reached down for my hand and guided it to her throat. 

“Squeeze.” She commanded, sternly looking into my eyes. Her long brown flowing hair covering her nipples, only her lacy panties remained on. “Now.”

I arched an eyebrow, unsure why she’d want to be harmed. Not moving fast enough, she placed her hand over mine again and pressed down, moaning at the feeling of constriction.

“Harder.” She commanded once more. I complied this time, applying a generous amount of pressure. The look on her face, struggling to breathe, gave me another sensation that I was surprised about: excitement. The light barely visible in her eyes did something for me I’d never expected. 

I pushed her down onto the bed, hovering over her, spreading her legs so that they were on either side of my body, shoving my boxers all the way off of myself and kicking them to the floor, and squeezed her neck as I entered her. Barely audible moans escaping her lips. I locked eyes with her making sure I didn’t go too far.

After we’d gotten what we were longing for, my soul felt even more empty. I felt worse. Nothing was what it seemed anymore, and I didn’t understand the hype of sex. Could it be perhaps that I wasn’t in love with Kate? Maybe that’s why they’d always said in church for it to be something that a husband and wife were supposed to share. It felt so..anticlimactic. 

“Want to get dinner?” I asked Kate, as I watched her put her clothes back on, feeling the rumble of hunger in my stomach.

She shook her head and snorted at me. “No. I’m not that type of girl. I don’t wine and dine. I’m here for one thing, and one thing only.” She admitted, slipping her heels back on her feet.

“Oh.” I simply said, my anger returning back to the surface, flashes of Lydia coming back into my mind. Before I knew what I was doing, I standing up, stark naked, and pointing at Kate, “Well get the fuck out then!” 

She rolled her eyes at me, and promptly went for the door exiting, and slamming it behind her. Leaving me alone, yet again, to wallow in self fucking pity. 

Lydia

It was sunset, Taylor and I were in the back of his SUV, parked in a secluded wooded spot. I wasn’t sure of where we were, but I didn’t care. I was tired of hurting, tired of being considered second best. Never thought of first, always last. My mind had been through so much anguish, I wanted to shut it off for awhile. 

The windows were fogged up around us, making out session had commenced long ago, but who was counting? His lips were so soft, not quite as full as Zac’s pillowy ones, but they were still delicious. He tasted like danger; coffee and cigarettes, with a hint of gasoline.

“Are you okay?” Taylor asked, sighing against my mouth, as he was on top of me, his seats folded down to lie flat, giving us ample amounts of space. Our clothes were stripped, except for our underwear. 

I nodded up at him, not wanting to speak. My body wanted to come out to play, and I was going to listen to her, above anything else in the world right now. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t care about what happened next. If Zac had moved on, so could I. 

Taylor’s eyes were full of lust as he pressed his lips against mine once more, his hot breath filling me up. He started thrusting himself against me, a moan escaping both of our lips. We’d promised not to have sex just yet, as this was good enough for now. It was all we needed as a release to make our points known, without extra consequences. 

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Zac though, and I hated that about myself. I figured the more that I was with Taylor, the more kisses and touches he gave me, he would erase Zac out of my memory, even if temporarily. 

As we both came over the edge, Taylor lying next to me, smoking his cigarettes with the windows cracked, I felt the rebellion within me starting to emerge. Being with him, started a fire in my stomach that I couldn’t contain; intoxicating.

“Can I have one?” I asked him, nodding towards the pack of cigarettes and lighter lying there next to him. 

He simply nodded back at me, and I plucked one out, lighting it, and inhaling so deep I thought my lungs would burst. When I exhaled, it felt like all of my troubles were trivial and dissipating. That’s when I realized, Taylor could be better for me, in this stage of my life, than Zac ever could have been. 

I was just blind to it until now, until this moment.


	21. Chapter 21

Zac 

"It appears our tour break is over, tomorrow." Isaac started. He was standing at the family dinner table, holding a few pieces of paper in his hands, sifting through them. "We have about two months of shows, then it's over until we release another album." 

Taylor hadn't looked me in the eye for nearly four days now. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it seemed as if he was harboring guilt about something. We had last spoken about the complexities of Kate and I, and he seemed disappointed in me. He just didn't get it. This was the first time that I had found someone that could help get my rocks off with no strings attached. You would think he'd understand, given his track record. Yet here we were, not even a day until tour, still not speaking to one another. Something was eating at him, and I don't think it has anything to do with Kate. 

We got up from the dinner table, grabbing our plates to put them in the sink. When I turned my back to head there, Taylor shoulder checked me, causing me to drop and shatter the plate on the floor. 

"Oops." Taylor shrugged, and deposited his in the sink, turning and attempting to walk past me

"JORDAN TAYLOR!" Our Mom yelled at her son, shoving him in the chest. "You clean this up. Now!" Throwing a dish rag at him, which he fumbled to catch. 

"I'm not cleaning shit." Taylor retorted back to her, throwing the dish rag at her, making sure to step on the pieces of plate on the floor, a sickening crunch, as he exited the kitchen. 

"Taylor." My father bellowed, stepping in front of him. "Your behavior is atrocious. You clean up this mess or you can leave this house." 

Taylor smugly looked at our father and shoved him out of his path, stomping up the stairs, more crashing noises littering through the house. Our father quickly went after him, yelling the whole way up the staircase. 

Mom just stood there dumbfounded, dropping her guard and bent down to clean up his mess, sniffling as she did so. 

What was going on with my brother? If there was one thing you didn't do, it was upset your mother. 

I frowned at my Mom and helped her scoop up the pieces into a dust pan, dumping them in the trash. She looked at me, smiling faintly, as a tear rolled down her face. 

"What is happening to our family, Zachary?" She whimpered, slouching her shoulders, turning on the sink, and started washing dishes. 

I felt guilt wash over me, as if it were my fault. Seeing my mom crying at the sink, was the most pitiful things I'd witnessed in awhile. I stepped up behind her, put my hand on her shoulder, and kissed her on the cheek. 

"I'll get to the bottom of this." I promised to her, and she nodded, patting my hand. 

I left the kitchen and slowly ascended the stairs, eavesdropping on the conversation my Dad, Taylor, and now Isaac were in the midst of. 

"Fuck the band." Taylor spat. "I'm over this juvenile bullshit." 

"Watch your mouth, young man." My Dad barked at Taylor. 

"Taylor what has gotten into you? What's wrong?" Isaac asked plainly. 

I crept up the stairs the rest of the way and made it to where they were. They were in mine and Taylor's bedroom. Taylor was sitting on the bed with his arms folded, angry tears running down his face. My Dad and Isaac were standing in front of him on either side, so I had a full view of him. 

"It's not like Zac cares anymore either." Taylor pouted. I gasped. The fuck I didn't! I never said anything of the sort. Where was this shit coming from? Taylor looked up at me then, his face turning red. 

"You might as well come right on in! Everyone else has!" He yelled at me, standing to his feet. Dad and Isaac turned around and stared at me, I guess waiting for me to say something. Anything. That would coax Taylor into continuing Hanson. 

"I never said that." I said defensively. "It'd be great if you would tell us the truth instead of telling us to go fuck ourselves." 

Dad sucked his teeth and swatted me at the back of my head lightly. Just hard enough to prove his point. I looked up at him apologetically, pushing my hands out towards Taylor, to signify that he's the one who needs a smacking around. 

Taylor's eyes locked onto mine, clearly marinating on something he's not talking about. He was doing that thing again he always does when he's about to explode: purse his lips up and flare his nostrils. So we waited for it. 

"You want to know what my problem is?!" Taylor snapped, lunging off the bed and bringing his face inches from mine. "You. You're my fucking problem." He spat at me. "Because of you, I have Natalie arguing with me. Saying you seduced Kate and now Kate is all depressed and shit because you ditched her. Which means Natalie is also depressed trying to help her out. I tried to have a nice time with her at the campground before we left. I let you come along. Then you go and fuck that up, too! Is there anything you don't DESTROY?" 

His neck veins were popping out, his blue eyes that were once crystal clear, were now clouded with rage. My Dad and Isaac were both standing there, stunned, at Taylor's outburst and upset, making it obvious they didn't have a clue as to what to do. 

"Excuse the fuck out of me, but Kate is crazy. I've not seduced anyone. She is the one who keeps coming at me wanting it. In fact, we just saw each other last night! Did your stupid little girlfriend tell you that?! Why are you lying?! For once, just be honest!" I yelled back at him, stepping closer to him, our noses now touching. 

"Alright enough already!" Our Dad yelled, yanking Taylor back away from me and pushing him down on the bed. "I've had it! If you don't make up by the morning, I'm pulling the plug!"

He glared at me, "Got it?" I nodded. Then he glared at Taylor. "Got it?" He also nodded, his chest heaving from adrenaline. 

"Taylor, get out of here tonight. Take the credit card, go stay at a motel. You need some air." He instructed Taylor, opening his wallet and tossing the card onto the bed next to him. "Be back home at 8AM. The flight leaves at noon to Manhattan, but I need you here early to discuss this further." 

Dad stalked out of the room, the three of us standing there suddenly overwhelmed about our future. 

The band was our life. 

There was no way one argument could undo everything we've worked so hard for.

Right? 

***** 

The next morning, Taylor showed up on time, his sunglasses on, and a Starbucks coffee in his hand. I couldn't gauge what kind of mood he was in, but I was hopeful it was better. 

"Can we talk?" Taylor asked me, motioning towards the top of the stairs. I hesitantly nodded back at him, and followed his lead. Once we got in the room, he gently shut the door, taking a seat at his desk, dropping his coffee and sunglasses on it. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed heavily, before turning towards me. 

"Have a seat." He instructed me, and I complied, sitting on the bed, crossing my ankles in front of me. Once he was satisfied he began again, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "I don't know how to tell you this.." he trailed off, eyes moving downward, suddenly really interested in the carpet. 

"Just spill it." I said, my patience growing thin. He looked back up at me and leaned backwards in the wooden chair, his gaze now going up at the ceiling. He still refused to look at me. 

"Okay. So, you remember how I'd said that Lydia was with me?" He asked, I nodded to answer him, and he continued. "Well, she was. But I took her on a date." 

Fury rose in my stomach up to my chest. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. 

"Excuse me?" I asked him, knowing the story wouldn't change, but I was losing my mind with anger. "A date?" 

"Yeah man, a date." He let out a breath, choosing now to look at me. "I feel like I'm falling for her." 

"You're falling for her?" I squeaked out. "Before you sent your girlfriend's best buddy to seduce me or after?!" I yelled, tears uncontrollably spilling out. 

"I-" He started to explain but I cut him off.

"No. I wasn't asking for an answer." I got up and crossed the room, stopping at him as he looked up at me. "You disgust me." I spat at his face, then pulled the bedroom door open and slammed it behind me.


	22. Chapter 22

Lydia

I’d all but given hope of ever speaking to Zac again, when I heard a knock at my window, but I felt hesitant to even open it. 

When I got home from my “date” with Taylor, at first I felt liberated. At the time, I’d come to the conclusion that Zac was just bad for me, and never actually meant any of what he’d said and promised to me. The jacket, the note, taking me out to gaze under the stars. But then he’d just disappeared out of my life just as quickly as he’d came into it. I didn’t, and still don’t understand what would coerce him to do that to me after all we’d shared in just a short amount of time. 

I let out a breath and pulled back the teal curtains on my window, Zac staring at me with an emotion I didn’t understand. It looked like he’d been crying. His eyes were puffy and red rimmed, lips cracked and dry. I heaved open the window and simply stared at him. 

“Lyd…” He mumbled, tucking his hair behind his left ear, eyes downward. “Can we talk?” His eyes slowly coming up to meet mine. I nodded, moving out of the way so he could crawl in. My parents were already gone for the day, my home schooling not starting until later. 

The birds were chirping outside, a welcome and familiar noise. “Don’t close it.” I instructed, and he nodded at me as he took a seat at the head of my bed. He toed around with the espresso brown throw rug on my floor with his black converse. I stood in front of him, waiting for some kind of explanation for his disappearance. He eyed his jacket that was hanging up on my bedpost, slowly running his fingers over it as if he were reminiscing on a better time.

“What’s going on?” I asked him crossly, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from my underwear drawer and plucking one out, walking over to the window and lighting it. The same brand that Taylor had the same night we hooked up in the back of his car. They reminded me of him and it made me feel comforted. Zac looked at me like a deer in the headlights as I exhaled the smoke, eyeing the design on the box, recognizing it.

“So it’s true…” He mumbled as he put his head in his left hand before looking back at me. “You’re with Taylor now.” 

My breath hitched in my throat. Taylor promised me he wouldn’t tell Zac, that he would let me do it myself. He knew how important that was to me. I cursed at him in my head, but inhaled deeply on the cigarette again to give me strength, and shrugged at him.

“I guess so, yeah.” I admitted, flicking the ashes out of the window and turning back to him. “I don’t see why it matters to you, though.” His face crumbled, lower lip quivering. I could feel my heart breaking all over again. No matter what I did, it never seemed to be the right answer. I was always hurting someone, but I never thought about me. Not once. I was always selfless.

“Why would you say that? After what we’ve been through. Am I not enough?” He asked me, his eyes pooling with tears threatening to spill out. He sniffled, trying to pull the hurt back inside of himself. 

“You’re the one who left me, Zac.” I stated plainly. “Taylor told me you were seeing someone else. What the fuck else was I supposed to do?” My tone was monotonous, despite the colorful words spilling out of my mouth. I was guarding myself. It’s all I had left.

“It wasn’t true.” He replied flatly, getting up and coming towards me, but I stepped back, needing more space. The closer he got to me, the more my heart jumped. I wanted to tackle him. Tell him I made a mistake. But I didn’t feel like we could get back to good. I didn’t feel like Zac was what I needed right now in this stage of my life.

“Zac, why would he lie to me?” I asked him, inhaling on my cigarette again and blowing it out exaggeratedly so that I could inhale quickly again to overcome what I may or may not be facing next.

“It’s what he does, Lydia! He always LIES! He lies so much the BAND is at stake. Do you think I really want that for you? For us?” He yelled, stepping even closer to me. 

I threw my cigarette out the window and opened my mouth to speak, but all I could do was stand there. I had no idea how to make heads or tails of anything anymore. 

“Please tell me you’re not in love with him.” Zac pleaded, reaching for my free hand, lacing our fingers together. 

I gazed down at our hands. 

This used to be perfect. 

This fantasy I used to have, being with someone from this band, was nothing as I'd ever thought it would be. 

From the outside looking in, I imagined a world of peace and comfort. That's how it even seemed from the beginning. But now, it was becoming clear that was foolish and ignorant. I didn't know if I loved Taylor. I don't think I could yet, not in that way. Hell, I didn't know right now what I was doing from one moment to the next. 

"I don't know..." I shrugged, looking down at the floor. It was hard to meet his eyes. I knew I'd made a huge mistake out of anger, and now I didn't know what came next. I couldn't even be honest with myself, much less Zac or anyone else. "I really don't know anything right now." 

"Lydia." Zac whispered my name from above me. I slowly looked up at him, just in time for him to see the tear from my left eye roll down my cheek. "Is your world falling down around you?" 

He searched my eyes, closing the gap between us, cupped my jaw, and licked his lips. 

I met him halfway and slowly pressed my lips against his. The pillowy reminder of where my heart wanted to be from the start. My stomach ached, but the rest of me was electrified. 

His arms wrapped around my back, pushing his body up against mine. The fury within us unleashing, colors dancing behind my eyes. He pinned me against the wall, kissing my neck, his hand going up my shirt and cupping my left breast. I moaned into his mouth and then suddenly, there was a knock at my front door. 

My eyes flicked open. I pushed him away, his face riddled with surprise and confusion. 

"Expecting someone?" He panted, looking towards the door, smoothing down his shirt that managed to get tangled up during our passion. 

"No." I quickly answered him, darting down the hall. "Stay there!" I yelled over my shoulder. 

I pulled open the door, expecting to see a solicitor or something, but it was Taylor. 

"Uh.. am I interrupting something?" He asked, eyebrows arched, looking down at me. I followed his gaze and saw my buttons undone on my blouse, cleavage out for the entire neighborhood. 

"Did you need any help or..?" Zac called from behind me. I cringed, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping this was a nightmare. But when I opened my eyes again, nothing was unchanged. 

Fuck my life.


	23. Chapter 23

Taylor

“You disgust me.” 

Touche, Zac. 

I’m a ghost of my former self. 

The more that I experienced in life, the more I was molded into thinking that if I sought out to care, to grab an opportunity despite the consequences, I would eventually find myself. There was nothing more precious to me than my baby brother, but yet, I always found myself rushing in to destroy everything in my path; a hurricane. 

There were so many times that I would see that Zac was irrevocably happy with someone, or something, and I had to have it. Whatever it was. Seeing him happy while I remained invisible, invoked a sense of failure within me. 

The last time that Zac had been in love, he came home one night, beaming that he finally thought he’d found the one. 

“She’s amazing, Tay.” Zac sighed, lying on his bed behind me, while I was at the desk writing a Christmas song for the Snowed In record. It was early fall, my turtle neck suddenly feeling suffocating. I twisted around to look at him, pure elation on his face. My stomach knotted up, jealousy and rage inside of me welling up.

“You don’t know what love is, Zac.” I spat at him, then quickly turned back around at my desk, immediately cringing at my outburst. 

“What?” Zac asked, his voice full of hurt. I could hear the springs popping as he got up, I braced myself, scrunching my face up, my body rigid. He stood to my left, staring at me. “Why would you say that?” Confrontation was my least favorite game. I never knew how to shut the fuck up. 

Zac stayed standing there for a moment more, before he repeated himself. “Taylor, why would you say that?!” 

The anger rose back up in my throat. As much as I wanted it to go away, I almost wanted this. To feel something, to get my blood pressure raised, to feel the rush of despair and consequence. 

I turned hastily to look at him, his hands on his hips, brows furrowed, yet hurt written all over his face. While I should have deflated, it gave me ammunition. 

“Because you’re only twelve years old and you have no clue what you’re doing. You think you love this girl? You’re too young for this!” I yelled at him, fully turned towards him, my fists balled up. 

Zac’s mouth fell open then, followed by a scowl, his face heating up as he stared back at me, but said nothing else. He stomped past me, slapping me in the side of the head as he slammed the door to our bedroom. 

Later on that day, I crept down the stairs after everyone was asleep, grabbed the cordless phone off of the wall, and stepped out on the back deck. 

“Hey, Zac!” Ryan greeted me over the phone, a little too much excitement in his voice, I thought. “Why the late call?” 

I cleared my throat, not sure why I was doing this, but I felt like it was time to end this bullshit.

“Hey Ryan, it’s actually Taylor.” I started. “I’d actually like to talk to you for a minute. It’s about Amy.” I whispered into the phone, leaning against the banister of the back deck, looking out into the woods behind our house. 

“Amy?” Ryan questioned me, confusion laced in his voice. “What about her?” He asked, obvious that his interest was piqued.

“Yeah.. Um.. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I thought you should know…” I let out a breath, picking at the wood on the deck. “Zac’s in love with her.” 

He was silent for awhile, rustling on his side of the phone, and the unmistakable sound of the phone dropping. I distinctly heard in the distance him yelling, saying things such as “I’m going to kill him!” “He knows how I feel about her!” 

I waited for awhile. I was purely invested in the havoc I was creating, and as much as I regret it, I remember having the biggest grin on my face knowing that someone was pissed off due to my actions. After a moment, he picked the phone back up, out of breath. 

“Taylor? Are you still there?”

“Yeah.” I replied back with a smile, licking my lips and pulling a Malboro Red cigarette a friend had given me, then ducking around the side of the house. I lit it, inhaled deeply, and pressed my head against the siding of the house, smirking as Ryan cried into my ear. 

“Do you know if he’s going to the junkyard tomorrow?” Ryan asked in between wimpers of rage. 

“That’s what he’s been telling us the past week, I think. Amy comes here, then they ride their bikes over together. I don’t know what they’re up to, but I wouldn’t lie to you.” I explained in between inhales and exhales of my cigarette. 

“At least someone in your family is honest. Thanks, Taylor.” Ryan replied, hanging up in my face.

Most people grow well into their personalities, cherishing it, and then there was me; the toxic brother who shit on anything that provoked a sense of elation in anyone else. 

If it didn’t give me a rush of adrenaline, if it didn’t give me a feeling of being alive, I simply couldn’t be bothered to give it a second’s glance. 

******

I put my sunglasses back on, picked up my Starbucks coffee, and got up from my desk, pushing the chair in, letting out a heavy sigh as I got to the bottom of the steps.

“Where did Zac go, Taylor?” Dad asked as he stepped through the doorway of the attached garage of the house. I could see behind him, he had the family car packed to the gills with all of our suitcases. All of our younger siblings running around midst the chaos, my Mom chasing them in four different directions. “He ran out of the house before I could ask.” 

“I don’t know, Dad.” I admitted, shrugging my shoulders, as Zoe giggled running past me with only a diaper on, my Mom shaking her head as they disappeared into the hallway towards her bedroom.

“Well find out! We leave in two hours!” He scowled at me, turning back towards the garage and slammed the door behind him.

I nodded in his direction, even though he was already gone, and pulled open the door, practically sprinting to my car. I settled in the driver's seat, putting my coffee in the cup holder, and pulled out my phone. Going through my contacts, my finger hovered over his name. I looked to my left, only the oil spot from Mom's beat up old Cutlass remained. I flipped my phone shut and tossed it into the passenger seat, turning on the car, and headed to the only place he could be. 

*****

When I pulled up in front of Lydia’s house, I saw the car parked in the cul de sac out front, a heated discussion fluttering through the air. I turned in my seat, peering towards the side of the house seeing a window open, curtains billowing from the wind. 

I climbed out of the car, slowly stalking up to the side of the window. 

“Please tell me you’re not in love with him.” Zac’s upset voice filled the air, my ears perking up at the question. My breath hitched in my throat, waiting on the response. 

“I don’t know…I really don’t know anything right now.” Lydia replied back to him. 

At that moment, I lost track of time. It was happening again. My familiar overwhelming sense of jealousy and rage bubbling back up to the surface. 

That’s when I heard the sickening sounds of kissing the girl I’d started having feelings towards. The same girl that I was just hooking up with in the back of my car. The same girl I’d admitted to Zac that I was also falling for. 

The next thing I knew, I was stomping around the side of her house, two steps at a time, and stepped up onto the front porch. I took a few deep breaths, calming my breathing, prepared to put a big smile on my face, and knocked on the door.

Seconds passed before Lydia was at the door, her blouse open, braless, hair disheveled, and out of breath.

“Uh...am I interrupting something?” I asked her, my throat suddenly dry, my heart kicked out from underneath me, as I saw Zac appearing at the hallway, his face smug. 

I stepped past Lydia, stalking up to Zac, him meeting me in the middle of the living room, my heart pounding so hard my vision littered with stars.

“Taylor get the fuck out of here.” Zac whispered, shoving his hands in his gray parachute pants pockets. 

“You don’t love her!” I yelled in his face, pointing towards her direction. “If you did, you wouldn’t have been fucking Kate the past week.” 

Zac’s mildly calm composure was gone then, and the next thing I knew, I saw darkness.


	24. Chapter 24

Zac

Lydia raced across the room and threw herself on top of Taylor, shoving me as I bent down towards them, yelling at me, telling me to get out of her house. She cradled his head in her arms, gently tapping on his face, trying to get him to come to. I felt defeated. This wasn't the plan, far from it. My inner turmoil was all out on display when I ascended from the squatting position I was in, and exited her house, leaving the two of them alone.

I'd had enough of Taylor's shit. 

He knew how to piss me off, and he did it well. I never understood what could fathom him to push me so far, to underestimate me. I've seen more in my short life than anyone else my age has probably ever endured, and I felt like he would understand that more than anyone. But seeing him on the floor, out cold, with Lydia gasping with the front door wide open to her house, was not what I had intended. Be that as it may, I enjoyed inflicting pain upon him. Seeing the lights leave his eyes as I choked him until he crumpled into a heap, was oddly satisfying. 

If I had it my way, I'd get rid of his miserable existence. 

He was supposed to be my best friend. My confidant. But he was he neither of those things. He would always snake by me and get away with it. Nobody in my family has outright said it, but we all know he's their favorite.

We would all be playing in the treehouse, as kids do. Dad would come up and tell Ike and I to knock it the hell off when we would get rough with each other. But nothing would be said to Taylor, even if he had started it. 

One Thanksgiving, Taylor was upset that I'd gotten a bigger piece of the pumpkin pie than he did. He assumed it was unfair, and insisted we trade. Being that I couldn't listen to reason even if it bit me in the ass, I ran out of the house, up into the tree, and into the treehouse to get away from him. Only I didn't know it but he was right on my heel. So when I felt something grab my ankle, I kicked at it, expecting it to be a branch. 

Except it wasn't, it was Taylor's hand trying to pull me down. 

He lost his grip and fell to the ground, breaking his arm on the tree root. Not only did I enjoy the sounds of his pain, but I laughed at it as I sat up in the treehouse eating my pie, while my parents ran outside and tended to him. 

Looking back on it, maybe I've known I was different for longer than I consciously could remember.

*****

I sat in my Mom's car, the only motions coming from me were looking back at the door, expecting them to emerge, but they didn't. 

My head found its familiar position resting on the steering wheel, cursing myself for losing control in front of Lydia. When I choked him, it took me back to when Kate had me do it to her. 

Over and over. 

Everytime we had sex, she instructed me the ways of doing it with and without making someone pass out. Some ways were quicker than others. I wanted him to feel the same pain I felt when he admitted that he'd fallen for her, too. 

But I felt worse than before I did it. I felt like nothing I was doing was going to reverse my actions, and I'd have to live with that forever. If stepping aside is what I'd have to do, then it would be the second time I've done it thus far in my life. The only problem is, I actually was there first. I shouldn’t be the one dealing with this shit.

A ball of anger rose up again, and I jutted my head off of the steering wheel, ripping open the car door and slammed it behind me. I shoved her front door open, Taylor sitting next to her now, his head snapped up towards me.

“Zac! Get out!” Lydia repeated herself, climbing to her feet rapidly, and coming towards me. I held my hand out towards her, not wanting her to come any closer than she already was. My mental stability was not at all there. It’s not that I didn’t trust her, it’s that I didn’t trust myself. 

Taylor bent over onto his knees and palms, slowly pushing himself up off of the floor. When he looked at me again, I saw nothing but sheer terror. He slowly started walking, but then quickened his pace as he got near me, and let himself out the door, leaving Lydia and I alone. 

"I want you out." Lydia cried, pointing to the door, her face furious, yet sad and afraid. I wanted to comfort her. Lie and tell her I didn't mean it. All I wanted was to be with her. I'd never found myself so sure about anything. "Please." 

"Lydia.." I started, knowing it wasn't man of me to beg, but I'd exhausted every other option. "I love you." I confessed, reaching out for her. 

She scrunched her face up, then let it fall again, the sadness overtaking any other emotions she might have been feeling. Only moments ago, we were in a lip lock of passion, but now, our world's were collapsing all around us. By my hand alone. 

"Zac, please. I can't do this." Lydia sobbed, pushing hard on my chest, but I'd outweighed her enough that I didn't move backwards. 

"Lydia, I'm sorry." I shook my head frowning, combing my hand through her hair. She looked at me and sniffled. "I didn't mean it." I lied, reaching out to hold her again. "Please forgive me." 

She pulled her arms up around my back, hugging my body, and sobbed against me. We slowly sank to the floor together, afraid and uncertain of our future. 

Lydia

Seeing Zac choke his own brother out in front of me, was something I'll never forget. It only lasted a moment, but the way that he lifelessly crumpled into a heap on my living room floor, took every last breath out of me. 

Two thirds of the band I'd respected so much and looked up to, had been quarreling right in front of me, and I was powerless to stop it. 

As Zac held me in his arms, the biggest part of me was guarded. But I felt his love radiate through him. What I'd done with Taylor was nothing short of a mistake. Letting my broken heart make the decisions for me, while my brain screamed at me to "fucking stop it," was the worst thing I could have done. I took full responsibility for the events that occurred, and if I'm being honest, it made me want to tuck my tail and run. 

"Lydia." Zac whispered into my hair, as my sobbing came to a close. The silence in the air causing a ringing in my ears. "I want this to work." 

He pulled back from me, searching into my eyes. The look of love he'd had before he was ravaging me earlier, had returned. I could see his heart again. He was hungry for me. 

I sighed deeply, but felt myself tense up. I wanted it to work, too. I'd been broken and careless without him. From the theater incident to the following moments with Ryan, when he went radio silent. Anytime he'd been amiss, I caused so much damage within myself. 

"Me too." I weakly smiled at him, pecking him on the lips. He pulled me onto his lap, brushed the tears off of my face with his thumbs, and pressed his lips once more against mine. 

"There is a problem, though." He frowned, still holding onto my face, keeping my attention on him. "We leave for tour in an hour." 

"What? You...you can't leave me now. Here. Like this!" I shouted at him, pulling back from him and sliding myself away from him so I was now on the carpet. "Zac! What are you saying!" 

"I'm sorry." He frowned again, tucking his hair behind his ear. "That's why I came here in the first place. To see how you felt. I couldn't go on tour without knowing." 

"That's all you seem to do, isn't it? Tell me you're sorry." I stared at him, wishing I could shoot laser beams through his skull. "I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?" I searched his eyes. He said nothing. 

I rolled my eyes and stood up, then headed back towards my bedroom, prepared to shut myself in with an unforeseeable date in mind. 

"You know the way out, Zac." I called over my shoulder and slammed the door.


	25. Chapter 25

Zac

When our plane touched down in Manhattan, Dad was sick to death of the silent treatment Taylor and I were giving each other. We never told him about our fight just so we could get out of town and split our separate ways. The last thing I wanted to do was share a bedroom with him. 

After I got checked into a room I shared with Isaac instead of Taylor like I usually would, I decided to go take a walk and clear my head. The show was tomorrow night so I had plenty of time to mingle alone for some peace. Isaac insisted he wanted to come along, but I shot him down, insisting I spent some time alone. Fortunately, he understood. 

I clicked the elevator button down, riding it to the ground floor, feeling relaxed for the first time since I could remember when. The air was brisk as I walked out the front doors, but it felt refreshing. As big as Manhattan was, I felt like I could get lost in a hundred different ways. I felt like that could be a good opportunity for me to just disappear.

The GO light turned green, at least fifty of us moving along in a cattle-like fashion crossing the street. When I got across, I noticed there was a Five Guys, and a burger always sounded good to me. 

I pushed the door open, piles upon piles of stacked bags of peanuts lined every wall, a rather short line at the checkout corner. To kill time as I waited, I read the witty signs they had displayed, chuckling to myself. When it was my time to order, I mouthed it off pretty quickly, took my ticket, grabbed some complimentary peanuts from the counter, and found a seat. 

While I was shelling my peanuts, someone sat down next to me. I arched an eyebrow as I looked up at them, my breath caught in my throat.

“Hey stranger.” She smiled at me, leaning forward on the table.

There, with the beautiful green eyes, smooth skin, and full lips, was Amy. She hadn’t changed at all, except for how she wore her hair. It was midway down her back and curlier than ever.

“Oh my God! Amy!” I beamed, dropping the peanut I was shelling back into the paper container, and stepping over to the side of the table, reaching my arms out for a hug. “It’s been so long! How are you?!” 

She chuckled in our embrace, her white fleece sweater tickling the side of my face. I pulled back and looked over once more before nodding at her in approval. "You look great!" 

“As do you." Amy blushed, nodding back at me. "I missed you! How are things with you guys?” She asked, taking her seat again across from me, and I followed suit. I continued shelling my peanuts, losing track of time catching up with her. 

“Order number one hundred forty eight!” A guy yelled angrily, waving the bag in the air. I blushed, shoving my chair out quickly and picked up my order, him giving me an annoyed look as I took it from his grip. I turned back around to Amy, who was waiting for me at the exit, giggling to herself.

“So what are you doing in New York, Amy?” I asked in between mouthfuls of fries while we walked down the street towards a bench just outside of Central Park. 

“Oh we moved here a few months ago. Dad got a new job as a stockbroker, so what better place to do that than in New York.” She shrugged, helping herself to a piece of my burger that she’d ripped off. “I take it you guys have a show?” 

I nodded back at her while chewing, eye rolling at her question. Not that I minded being asked, but I had fortunately forgotten about Taylor for a split second.

“Yeah,” I said after I swallowed my food. “We have about eight shows between the next couple of months. So you know, the whole family’s with us as usual.”

“Really? Well, are you doing anything tonight?” Amy asked, a smirk playing on her lips. She was so intoxicating, nothing at all like Lydia or Kate. She was always so welcoming and uncomplicated. It was easy with her no matter the topic. Despite being in a bustling city, I felt more relaxed than I’ve been in a long time.

“Not at all.” I smiled, turning to look her over, my eyes settling on her lips. In this moment, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her; feel something familiar, something nostalgic. She must’ve read my mind, because before I could consider working up the courage, she’d smashed her lips onto mine, burger grease and all. Our tongues danced together, hers leading the way as if no time had passed. I caressed her jaw line, the sweetness of pickles and peppermint enveloping my senses. 

Amy pulled away from the kiss but stayed within a breaths reach. Her eyes slowly opened, boring into mine, not letting go of our embrace. 

"My parents apartment?'' She asked, biting on her lower lip seductively. I simply nodded while letting go of her only for a moment while we collected our things, throwing my lunch wrappers in the trash. 

We practically sprinted the four blocks back to her apartment building. When we got to her floor, I couldn't contain myself anymore. 

As soon as the elevator dinged, it was my turn to tackle her. We shuffled to her door, kisses peppered all over each other, fingers combing through and tugging at each other's hair. 

When we got to her door, I got brave. 

Her long black skirt she was wearing was just asking to be pulled up. I pinned her against the door, hiking up her skirt, rubbing her inner thighs. We locked eyes and she nodded at me that I could continue, and smashed her lips against mine once more. My dick twitched in my pants, begging to be freed, so I released it from it's prison, stepped forward and entered her. Amy's head went back against the door, a soft pleasurable moan escaping her lips. Her hands found their way back behind my neck, holding on as I moved within her. 

*****

Lydia 

After Zac left, I was already done with being holed up inside of this house. As much as I wanted to stay there and hide, I just couldn't bring myself to do it for another day. I had pulled open my laptop scouring through my buddy list to see if anyone was online. My heart skipped a beat when I got a message request from a chrisxxdrummer85. Curiosity got the better of me, so I accepted. 

chrisxxdrummer85: hey baby. =) 

My cursor stayed there trying to draft a reply, but nothing was adequate enough. By the time I'd figured out what to say, he had signed off, I suppose thinking I had ditched him. Now I couldn't stop the thoughts in my head. 

A little background on Chris.The last time I'd spoken to him he had called me from juvenile hall. 

He was selling pills at school to gain popularity to keep his social status. He and I had been dating for over a year when this started, and he became incredibly paranoid about any and everything. If I even so much looked at the opposite sex in a way of more than just a glance, he would gaslight me and tell me nobody was as good as he was. 

One night, we were at a party together, when I'd lost my way to the bathroom. When I finally had found it, Chris and another girl were having sex with each other on the double sink countertop, a mirror and some lines of cocaine spread out on it. Instead of choosing to be confrontational about it, I tried to sneak out of the room without being noticed. That was until he'd caught me in the reflection of the mirror. 

"Fuck! Lydia wait!" He yelled at me. I yanked the bathroom door shut and started going down the steps when I'd tripped, rolling down them, fracturing my arm, and knocking me unconscious. The same arm that Ryan had grabbed onto at the movie theater. 

When I woke up, I was in the hospital, my parents asleep together on one tiny chair in the far left corner of the room. Chris was on the opposite side of the room, watching TV. Suddenly, my head pulsated, causing me to shriek, and reach up for it. 

Chris heard me then, and got up from his chair, immediately at my bed side. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, rubbing my arm that laid there in the cast. I scrunched up my face at him, and leaned away. He stepped back away from me then, offense written all over his face. "What I can't be near my girlfriend?"

I shook my head, flitting my eyes over at my parents who were still asleep. I wanted him nowhere near me. Did he think I forgot what I saw? Why I was in this position in the first fucking place? 

"Please leave." I said, my voice trembling. "Please." I begged him. 

"Why?" Chris asked, his voice soft and even. I suppose he really does think I'd forgotten. I bumped my head, but there is no memory loss here. 

"I saw you." I admitted, my eyes blinding with tears. "With her." 

His mouth went agape, then his eyes filled with anger, shoving himself so close to me our noses touching as he spoke. "It doesn't matter what the fuck you saw. You are mine. Forever. Until you die. I will fuck who I want, and there's nothing you can do to change it." 

I broke out into a loud sob then, startling my parents awake, my dad shoving Chris away from me, his back hitting a wall. My mom rushed over to me, pleading to tell her what was wrong, but I couldn't manage to get the words out. Everything was a mumbled, jumbled up mess. By the time I managed to find my voice, Chris was escorted out of the hospital. A restraining order was put out on him. 

A couple of weeks had passed after that incident, when I'd gotten the news that he'd been searched by a drug dog at school and caught with pills, cocaine, and weed. He was tried as a minor, only getting a year, six months as time served for good behavior. 

With Zac gone, despite all the mess we've made this far into our relationship, I needed him now more than ever, and he wasn't here.


	26. Chapter 26

Zac

I awoke to the sound of my cell phone chiming next to my head. I opened my eyes, squinting at the light on it, Lydia’s name displayed across the screen. When I shifted in bed to answer it, I felt an arm snake around my chest, its owner groaning and pulling my body back down. I looked over to my left, Amy’s sleep ridden face, a small smile on it. As much as I’d wanted to lie there and forget the rest of my life and world, I knew this was only a one night stand situation. 

Amy was in my past, and I should have left her there. We got along great, we could finish each other’s sentences, but my heart didn’t swell anymore when I was around her. I’d gotten so lost in her when she was the only one available to me, that I never saw the small things that I’d overlooked before. For one, she had to clean up every single item of clothing off the floor when we’d stripped our clothes. Instead of staying captured in the moment, she would put everything on pause to take two steps backwards. Or, every time I would take a drink of something, she’d stare at me with the most offense I'd seen over something so petty, just waiting for me to spill it in order to have something else to clean.

For myself, I enjoyed a little clutter. 

I liked for a house to be a home, lived in with a couple cups on the counter, a dust bunny here and there, not something straight out of a Better Homes and Gardens catalog. Amy wasn’t my forever, and I knew that. I wanted to give my entire heart to someone, and that someone was not going to be her.

Kate was someone that came on undoubtedly very strong, but I used her as a teacher. The idea of losing my virginity to someone who was just as scared as I was, seemed way too awkward and messy. Everyone always put this big label on how your first time is supposed to be with someone you love, but I felt that just made it extremely more difficult. The way I saw it, it should be with someone who doesn't give a shit, so you never have to see them again. 

That was the plan, anyway. 

Kate was supposed to be a one time thing, but the more times that I was with her, the more I realized I had a lot to learn from her. Sure, she was eighteen, only two years old than myself, but she had so much confidence in what she was doing, what she liked, that I felt comfortable with her. She didn't laugh at me when I made a mistake, she would discipline me for it. 

That was when I came to the realization that what I enjoyed, was being abused. 

I wanted to be told what to do, when to do it, and how. I didn't want to have to guess about any of it. You tell me what to do, I am at your service. The romanticism ideals that people put into sex, just wasn't something that I thought I wanted anymore.

From the moment Lydia and I first touched it was electrifying, and that terrified me. The thought of that was so big, and so real, that I couldn’t contain it within me, I panicked. I'd opened my heart up to her, told her how I felt about her, no matter what she may have thought. I found myself craving her, wanting her, to be enveloped in her. She was the first time I'd ever felt that, and the ideas that were swirling around in my stomach, made me feel almost sick. 

I gripped Amy’s hand, and pulled it down off of me, scooting out of bed and answering the call as I shut myself in the bathroom.

“Lydia?” I whispered into the phone, closing the toilet seat lid and sitting down on it. I heard low cries through the phone, followed by a few sniffles. “What’s wrong?”

“Zac.. I need you.” She admitted, the sounds of birds chirping in the background, not matching the solemnity of her voice. It might be narcissistic for me to admit this, but I knew it would only take a matter of time for her to come around. A smile played upon my lips as I leaned forward, arms resting on my thighs as I spoke. “Really? Well why didn’t you say so?” 

She huffed in my ear, and I could swear I heard her eyes rolling back in her head.

“No. I’m being serious.” Her voice was trembling and part of me cursed myself. “Do you remember me mentioning Chris, before?” 

I nodded, but realized she couldn’t see me. I let out a breath. “Yeah.. I remember his name but that’s about it.” I replied back, twitching my mouth up in thought, staring down at the blue and white that lined Amy’s parents bathroom floor. “Why?”

“He reached out to me and I can’t be alone…” She started to explain. “I know you’re on tour but I just, I don’t know.” She sighed heavily. “Never mind.” 

“Lyd, what do you want me to do?” I asked her bluntly, annoyance riddled in my voice. I can’t choose between her and tour, and I can’t bring her here. My parents are strongly against bringing anyone along, seeing as the entire family has to be accommodated for. Room was cramped as it is, and the idea of making extra arrangements with a Dad already pissed off at me, was not appealing. 

“I don’t know, Zac. Never mind. I don’t even know why I bothered.” Lydia sighed.

“Well what is the problem? You’re not telling me anything!” I yelled, standing up from the seat and hitting the side of my fist on the granite sink top. 

“Everything okay?!” Amy called out from the bedroom. I growled low in response and yanked the doorknob open, grabbing my coat, and turned to exit through the bedroom out. 

“Zac who are you with?” Lydia pointedly asked, my phone still pressed to my ear. 

“Zac where are you going?!” Amy yelled at my back. 

In a panic, I flipped the phone shut, darted out of Amy’s grasp, and darted through to the living room of the apartment, to find both of Amy’s parents sitting there watching TV.

“Zachary!” They both yelled in unison, getting up from their seats, coming towards me, both of their faces showing surprise to see me. To avoid even more interrogation, I pulled open the door to the apartment, let myself out, and ran down the hall. I decided to bypass waiting on the elevator and took the few flights of steps down to the bottom. 

When I got to the street, I was completely out of breath. 

“Zac!” I heard Amy’s voice call out from above me through an open window, my pocket also vibrating sensing that Lydia was calling me back.

“What the fuck!” I yelled, shaking my head violently, and took off running.

I had no idea where I was going, what I was going to do. 

All I knew is that I’d created a mess well above my maturity level and I was going to fuck everything up as I always did. 

I stopped for a moment to catch my breath, when I looked to my right inside of the brick building’s window, seeing my family sitting at breakfast together. The white wisps of air quickly leaving my breath, filling the air, as Taylor slowly looked up and we caught eyes, his eyes widened. In a panic, I took off running once more, hoping wherever I ended up, I’d somehow find myself.

Taylor

Everyone in the family was sitting at the hotel’s downstairs restaurant having breakfast, multiple conversations to be had all around me. With one exception: Zac wasn’t here. I’d done a great job of isolating him from not only me, but the entire family. All anyone would talk to me about was him. 

Where did he go? 

Do you know what’s wrong with him? 

Why aren’t you two speaking? 

I couldn’t answer any of them without giving away everything and causing more problems than I deemed necessary. We were on tour now, and the job came first, despite how I felt about it most days. 

All I wanted was to be noticed in a sea of bodies that crowded our house on a constant basis. Everywhere I turned, someone was always too caught up and too busy with their own life to worry about anything I’d had to say. My opinion was only ever sought out by Zac, the one person who even seemed to give a fuck about someone other than themselves. What did I do with that information? I consistently pushed him away from me every chance I got. 

In that moment, I felt like someone was watching me. That feeling you get sometimes where all of the hairs stand up on your neck. A ghost, I suppose. 

I saw something in my peripheral, but not to get excited, I slowly craned my neck towards the windows that lined the side of the building. Zac was there, heaving his breaths, surrounding him in a cloud of vapor; his own breath. His hair was all in front of his face, but I distinctly recognized him. We locked eyes, and he took off, spooked. I watched as his body passed each and every window and disappear before it hit me that I should go after him. 

“I’m gonna go out for some air.” I stood quickly from the table, everyone turning their direction towards me, and pushed my chair back up under it, tossing my cloth napkin on top of my half empty plate of eggs Benedict.

“Are you okay, son?” Dad asked, his eyebrows arched, fork halfway between his plate and his mouth, egg hanging off of it. 

I nodded and smiled, and left at a casual walking pace, feeling all of their eyes on me until I got around the corner. 

I darted through the lobby, and out the front door of the hotel, looking both directions for which direction he could’ve possibly gone. 

“Tay?” Ike asked from behind me. I quickly turned around, he was shivering, zipping up his black hoodie, and pulled the hood over his head.

“Ike, I can’t talk to you now.” I dismissed him, waving him away as I started jogging towards the direction I thought Zac might’ve gone. 

“But Taylor! I saw him, too!” Ike yelled at my back. I stopped abruptly, turning around to face him, he was catching up to me.

“Well if you’re coming, then come on.” I sighed, rolling my eyes as I’d turned back around. Ike wasn’t nearly as fit as me, and he was going to slow me down. But I couldn’t be an asshole right now; I had to find Zac. 

Everything else was on the back burner until we right some wrongs.

*****

It took us some time, but we finally found Zac on a small bridge, legs hanging over the side swinging back and forth, staring down at his closed phone. He seemed so childlike then, and I didn't even realize it, but I was smiling. There were maybe one or two people walking past at a time, not even glancing down at him. He might as well have been invisible. 

Ike and I glanced over at each other and then started walking up to him, both of us taking a seat on either side of him.

"What do you guys want?" Zac asked monotonously, the swinging in his legs came to halt. 

I looked down at the water running under the bridge, feeling a sense of calm. It made sense why he chose this spot. I reached over and put my arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer towards me. When he leaned into me, I found myself exhaling all of the discomfort out of me. 

"What's going on, Zac?" Ike asked, playing with a pebble in his hand he'd found, rolling it around in his palm as he spoke. "You know you can tell us anything."

"I've made a mess of my life, that's what's going on." Zac sighed heavily, tucking his phone into his coat pocket, his gaze forward on the water. "I saw Amy." 

My cheeks flushed to next level proportions then, but I kept my arm around him, trying to keep the outside calm while the inside of me was screaming. The asshole in my mind burning the entire town down around us down to ash. 

I felt solely responsible for this Zac that I'd created by that one single phone call years ago. 

The next day after I'd called Ryan, Zac came home, slamming the front door behind him, and running up to our bedroom. I was in the kitchen making lunch for myself, a turkey and cheese sandwich with Doritos on the side, and a pickle. In the moment, I remember being so smug that I was going to be there when Zac needed me most. 

I took the plate of food off of the counter, grabbing a Dr. Pepper on the way up the steps, and knocked on the bedroom door. 

"GO AWAY!" Zac yelled from the other side of it. 

"Zac?" I called out to him. 

I heard rustling inside our bedroom for a short moment, followed by the door opening slightly, and him slinging himself back on the bed, onto his stomach, covering his head with his pillow. I shook my head slowly and set the food down on the desk. 

"What's wrong?" I asked him as a sat down at the end of his bed, placing my hand on the back of his right calve, peering at him. 

"Everything." He replied back, muffled by his face squished into the pillow. 

"Oh I'm sure it isn't that bad. Anyway, I brought you some lunch." I smiled, turned and grabbed the food off of the desk, handing it out to him. 

Zac then rolled over, looked at me with a weak smile as he sat up and brushed his hair out of his face. He took the plate from me graciously, setting the can of soda on his night stand. 

We just sat like that for awhile as he ate his food, and I was just there to reassure him that everything was going to be okay, even though I'm the one who caused his heart to break. 

Today I realized, nothing's changed, and everything is the same.


	27. Chapter 27

Lydia 

"Hey Lydia!" Whitney exclaimed as I walked up to her cherry red brand new Ford Mustang convertible and climbed in.

Whitney pulled out of my cul de sac, top down, our hair billowing in the wind, I couldn't help but stare at myself in the mirror. 

As I've said before, I never doll up or wear makeup, but tonight I adorned myself in a black cardigan, white halter top, way too tight black pleather pants, and white two-inch platform shoes. My make-up was just teetering on the too much benchmark, but the ruby red lipstick, pulled it all together. 

Outwardly, I looked kempt, in one piece, like my world wasn't being shaken to the core. It's been two weeks since I last heard from Taylor or Zac, and I was tired. I was tired of crying, screaming, breaking everything I owned, and curling up into a ball staring at my phone willing it to ring. 

I couldn't wait around for either one of them anymore. 

They were on tour now, and probably having more fun than I could fathom. Different cities every few nights, living it up, possibly even fucking a girl or two. If they couldn't respect me enough to return any of my calls or texts, well then who am I to suffer with all of the grief? 

The problem was, Zac and I were supposed to be together. He asked to make it work when he left, so why would he dodge me now? Taylor on the other hand, sends me a random text here and there, saying nothing at all. The whole "busy as usual! =) Miss you!" text. Which could easily be sent to their mother or a cousin. 

"This is going to be great, girl!" Whitney cheered, shoving my shoulder playfully, taking me out of my thoughts. "You're going to get so many guys." She said, looking me over and nodding at my outfit. 

"I don't want 'so many guys,' Whit." I sighed, trying to push two thirds of Hanson out of my brain, taking my eyes off of myself in the mirror and looking out towards the road. 

"Lydia..I'm going to need you to stop." Whitney snapped back, rolling her eyes at me. "We're supposed to be having fun! But if you're going to sit there and pout, well, I'm over it." 

I looked over at her, expecting her to apologize, anything. But when she didn't, and kept her eye on the road, I realized she was right. I have to live my life, fuck it. 

"You're right." I nodded in her direction. "Fuck those Hanson boys!" 

For the first time in weeks, I felt a smile spread across my face. Uncertainty lies ahead, and it didn't involve them, which scared me, but I knew my destiny was up to me. 

*****

When we got to the party, it had already started. Fashionably late, I suppose. I got out of the car, my clutch slung over my shoulder, and headed up the lighted walkway. 

The house was a friend of Whitney's, named Lindsay, who always threw massive parties a couple of times a month. It was a massive plantation type of house, painted white, with an inground pool in the back, gated off. 

Her parents were wealthy and hardly ever stayed at home on the weekends, taking trips here and there. This time, they were horseback riding somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. 

I entered the front door, Whitney's arm looped through mine. We were filled with oohs and aahs every direction we turned. Everything was so elegant, all the way down to a crystal display case full of elephants. 

"Can I get you a drink?" A guy with a baggy shirt and pipes jeans asked, holding up the spout for a keg in the entryway. 

"Sure." I smiled at him, watching as he filled our red solo cups clean to the top. 

We each took our drinks and walked out the back where the party was. 

Most everyone was just hanging out by the pool, but not actually in it. It was mid November, Thanksgiving just a couple of weeks away. Some couples were making out, others were in circles discussing things, and then there was a guy playing an acoustic guitar, by himself on the diving board. 

He was sitting there so calm, legs tucked under himself, water reflecting over his body from the pool lights down inside of it. His hair was short and brown, unlike Zac's long dirty blonde hair, but he, too, had brown eyes. 

"Earth to Lydia!" Whitney tugged on my arm, once again, bringing me back to reality. 

I shook my head and looked over at her, smiling big, but fakely. 

"Where did you go?" She asked me, then followed my gaze to the guitarist on the diving board. "Oh. I get it." She rolled her eyes at me. 

"What do you get?" I asked her, confused, as she sipped on her beer and shook her head. 

"Him." She pointed in his direction, talking between sips. "You have a type." 

"I do?" I asked her, arching a brow at her. She laughed then and pulled me towards him. 

Panic set in.

"No no!" I begged her, trying to pull us back to our safe distance of twenty feet away. 

Whitney turned to me again and huffed at me, once again, eyes rolling. 

"Lydia. What did we agree on?" She asked, tapping her index finger on the side of her cup. "To have fun, right?" 

"Right..fun." I nodded at her and inwardly prepared myself to try and not be awkward. 

We got up to the side of the diving board, his eyes catching mine, and he smiled the biggest smile. 

"Hello." The stranger greeted, looking between us, stopping the strumming of his guitar. "What do I owe the pleasure?" 

"Rob, this is Lydia. Lydia, Rob." Whitney introduced us, slightly shoving me forward as he reached out his hand for me to shake. 

"Hi." I said back meekly, tucking my hair behind my ear. Suddenly, I'm shy. What the fuck. 

"Lydia was just saying she loved your music! Maybe you should play something for her." Whitney winked at me, holding onto his bicep and finishing up her drink. 

I looked down into my cup, only a mere inch gone. Wow this girl can drink, holy shit. 

"Sure. What would you like me to play?" Rob asked, staring at me expectedly. 

Don't say Hanson. Don't say Hanson. 

"Uh..Hanson?" I asked him, my cheeks instantly reddening. God damn it. 

"Hanson?" He laughed wildly, looking down at Whitney. "Is she serious?" 

"Afraid so." Whitney laughed, shaking her head at me. I knew she was finding me pathetic but what the hell. I'm so out of my comfort zone. 

"You know what? Okay. I know one Hanson song, and you'll be surprised it's not MMMBop." He winked at me, then proceeded to start to play. 

The opening chords of Weird came through his guitar and I couldn't decide if that meant he thought I was weird, or he actually enjoyed the song enough to learn it. 

*****

It was the latter. 

My back was thrown up against the back of a van, and I was three sheets to the wind. Rob's tongue was forcibly going down my throat and I wanted every fucking part of it. 

Every time I closed my eyes, I would see Zac, and then sometimes I would see Taylor. But mostly Zac. Rob's lips were full and pillowy just like his, but he tasted like Taylor did; cigarettes, gasoline, and danger. 

Before I knew what I was doing, I was in his van, heavy petting had commenced, and I let him undress me rapidly. I followed suit, also freeing him from his clothes prison. He kissed me in all of the right places, small moans escaping my lips, pretending it was him. I was too drunk to care. I just wanted to feel something other than pain, even if only for a moment or two. 

"Rob!" A girl's voice called as she ripped open the sliding door of the van, exposing us both to the fall air. I fortunately still had some bearings left, to realize what was happening. I fumbled around for my clothes, holding them close to my body. Rob did the same. 

"Kate what the fuck!" He yelled at her, as she stood there, tapping her fingers on the metal trim of the van. "What did I say about the rule! No coming in without knocking first, Jesus Christ!" 

"Yeah well, it's late as fuck, and this girl out here is looking for her friend." Her eyes snapped over at me, eyeing me up and down. "Lydia?"

I nodded at her, throwing my clothes back on as quickly as I could, Rob shaking his head as he threw his shirt back on over his head. 

"You are unbelievable." He said to Kate, as I scooted my body towards the door where she was, a wicked grin coming across her lips. 

"I know who you are." Kate cooed, licking her lips, reaching out and putting her hand on my left shoulder. "You're famous." 

"What..?" I asked her, confusion laced in my voice. Then it clicked. My eyes jutted up at hers, and we mutually understood each other. My stomach instantly knotted, almost knocking me completely sober. 

She leaned down, her lips touching my ear, as she breathed into it. “Zac is a nice lay. My brother is not what you want. You’re making a mistake.” She pulled away from me, only inches apart, searching my eyes, then kissing me quickly. Riddle me confused and nauseous. 

“Here.” Kate said, pulling open the passenger side door to the van, opening the glove box and writing something on a napkin, then handed it to me, pushing my fingers closed so I fully clasped over it. 

“There you are!” Whitney called from behind Kate. “Do you know what time it is?!”

Kate stepped aside, my eyes trained on hers as Whitney pulled me out of the van. 

*****

When we got back to Whitney’s place, I instantly ran for the bathroom, hugging the toilet, the contents of my stomach emptying into it. With every heave, all I kept thinking of was Zac having sex with Kate - the one thing I’d never wanted to picture. 

Of course, it was in the back of my head these past few weeks, thinking that maybe he was off with her somewhere and that’s why he’d never returned any of my calls or texts. 

Did he want me to be more like Kate? 

Tall, slender, dark hair, dark eyes, and fucking gorgeous? 

I was nothing at all like her. 

Why would he want me after having her? 

The more I thought about it, the more sober I became. 

I sat back against the cool wall in Whitney’s bathroom, my eyes cascading hot tears down my face, feeling more empty than I think I'd ever been in my life. I reached over into my purse and dug my phone out, sniffling as I dialed Zac's number. 

The first time in weeks, he answered. 

"Hello sweetheart." His voice escaped into my ear, causing me to curl up on the floor and cry harder than I ever had, clutching the phone against my face. 

"I love you." I cried into the phone. "Please come home." 

"Lydia, I am home. Where are you?" Zac answered softly, full of sincerity. "I'll come get you."


	28. Chapter 28

Zac

The past few weeks, I did everything I could to clear my thoughts of everything outside of work. When I came out on the stage, girls were screaming our names, wishing they could marry us, be with us, even if only for a night. 

Truth be told, I was never flattered before anyone of importance came into my life, and I still wasn’t. You always hear about musicians delving into the spotlights and all of the women being delivered to them, and they’d accept. They would drown their sorrows in drugs, alcohol, and sex. 

The more I thought about it, the more off putting it was. That was true for me, up until one night in Austin, Texas.

We came out on stage and performed like we were the happiest people to be there, as we always did. But that night, when we took a bow, I brought my head back up, and my eyes laid upon a girl that nearly took my breath away. I stared at her long enough that my brothers and backup band were already off to the side of the stage, back rows of the crowd already filing out of the door, but she remained. 

“Zac!” Taylor called out for me, grabbing my attention. “What are you doing?”

I shook my head and looked at her a couple of times as I jogged off of the stage, grabbing the towel from his hands he held out for me, wrapping it around my neck, and wiping my face off. 

“Are we going out afterwards, tonight?” I asked Taylor, watching him dig out clean clothes and toiletries out of his backpack he’d brought backstage to change into after a shower.

He looked up in the mirror at me, a brow arched at me. We looked at each other in the reflection for a moment, before he stood up and turned around to face me, placing his stuff under his right arm.

“Um..probably? Why?” Taylor asked, shoving his left hand in his pocket, eyeing me up and down. His shirt was soaked through with sweat, his hair so wet it looked as if he’d already showered. 

“No reason.” I sighed, shaking my head and going over to my own bag to dig out my own things to clean up. 

“No really. What’s the sudden interest?” Taylor asked, walking up from behind me, standing in front of me once more. “See something you like?” He smirked, crossing his arms in front of him, leaning against the brick wall, watching as I pulled out more things out of my bag than probably necessary, such as toothpaste and mints.

“Tay, lay off.” I scowled, standing completely upright now. “What’s it to you?” I swear to God if he wants to steal this from me too..

“Never mind, Zac. I can’t even talk to you anymore.” He said, as held his hands up, surrendering, shook his head, and walked past me towards the showers. 

*****

I’d freshened up enough that was socially acceptable, stepping through the big iron door that lead to the alleyway where our bus was, cheers emerging from the crowd of fans that were waiting for autographs and photos. Taylor glanced my direction as we went our separate ways, mingling in the crowd. 

“Zac! Can I have a photo?” Was the repeated question throughout the next thirty minutes.

Each photo I had to take, and every autograph I had to sign, slowly pissed me off more than the next. My patience was wearing thin, and I had yet to find the girl that I’d made contact with in the venue.

Once the fans were satisfied with what they’d received, the crowd dispersing, I was left feeling that familiar emotion of disappointment; the constant in my life. Taylor finally walked up to me, seemingly energized.

“What are you so happy, for?” I asked him crossly, my hand firmly gripping the door to the bus and pulling it open, my eyes not leaving him.

“Damn, can’t a guy be happy? What the hell, Zac.” Taylor scowled and walked past me onto the bus. Isaac followed him, seemingly in his own world, as chipper as one could be.

I sighed heavily and went to walk up onto the bus, when I felt a finger tap me on the shoulder. 

“Look no more-” I started, as I turned around, but there she was. “Oh hey.” 

I smiled widely at her, shut the door, and turned around to take all of her in.

“Hey.” She grinned, chewing slowly on a piece of bubblegum. “I wanted to wait until everyone else was gone.” 

“Enjoy the show?” I asked her, groaning inside, what a cliche question. “I mean-” 

“Yeah, of course. I always do, Zac.” She smiled at me, saving me from an even more awkward reply I could’ve come up with. “Tonya.” 

“Nice to meet you, Tonya.” I grinned. “So um..you want to come in?” I asked her, jutting my thumb towards the tour bus.

“Not really.” Tonya frowned. “I don’t want to be some kind of band story.” She stepped back a little on the sidewalk, more room encompassing us. 

“Oh. Well..Okay.” I sighed. Well, I fucked this up already, somehow. “I guess I’ll see you around?” I asked her.

“Maybe…But-” 

“But what?” I asked her curiously. She was nervous and I wanted nothing more than to make her feel more comfortable, but nothing was going too well so far. 

“Do you want to go to dinner, possibly? I mean, you don’t have to.” Tonya spilled out rather quickly, cringing at herself, probably expecting to be shot down.

“Why not.” I grinned at her. “Just let me tell the guys.” 

I pulled open the tour bus door and ran up the steps hastily, my entire family staring up at me expectedly. I cursed at myself, remembering that they, too, were accompanying us on the bus tonight instead of hanging out at the hotel.

“Who’s the girl?!” my little sister Jessica shouted, looking out of the window, my other smaller siblings joining her. They were making faces at her, which she couldn’t see due to the tinted windows, and for that I was grateful. Dad walked out of the bathroom then, joining the rest of the family who were staring at me. 

“Dad?” I asked him, motioning him to come closer towards me. He did as such, and shook his head smiling at his younger children acting silly at a complete stranger.

“Yes, son?” Dad asked me, looking down at Tonya on the sidewalk. She was standing there stoic, probably expecting me not to return to her. 

“This girl, she wants to go out to dinner with me. Is that okay?” I asked him, the look of disapproval written all over his face before he’d even opened his mouth to speak.

“Zachary..” He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know how we feel about that.” 

“Oh Dad, just let him go.” Taylor piped up from the back of the tour bus, headphones around his neck, as he peeped his head out of the bunk he’d claimed as his own. 

Dad turned around to glance at his son, then back at me, then at Mom.

“Walker. Let the boy live.” Mom answered, crochet needles in her hand, Zoe my youngest sister asleep on her lap. “It’s just dinner.” 

Dad threw his hands up and looked down at me, shrugged his shoulders and turned around to sit down with my Mom.

“Fine. Be back in an hour.” He commanded, and I nodded back at him.

*****

Tonya’s plans weren’t exactly what I thought. When she said dinner, she meant she was the main course. 

She’d flown into Austin from Tennessee and had a hotel room, which we’d spent the next thirty minutes having sex with each other. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw Lydia, and I’d envisioned her body underneath of mine as I was going in and out of her, kissed her, ran my hand through her hair. 

“Who’s Lydia?” Tonya asked, looking up at me, her face crumbling before me. 

“I-”

She wouldn’t let me explain, instead pushed me off of her and grabbed her clothes up off of the floor, pulling them on hastily.

“You need to leave.” Tonya said angrily, pointing towards the door. 

I sat there for a moment, realizing that now a fan knew about someone from my personal life. It was only a matter of time before that got online, and if I’d wanted any chance at all to rekindle our relationship when I got home, I’d have to take care of this. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to figure out a solution, only to find myself moments later over her body that lie on the floor, my hands covered in blood, a letter opener in my left hand.   
“What the fuck…” I mumbled, looking from hand to hand, my jaw hanging open, and jumped back from her cold, lifeless, bloody body on the floor of the hotel. I quickly put my clothes back on, and stuffed the letter opener in the pocket of my jeans. 

Before I could think any further, I was out of the door, running full speed back to the tour bus.

When I got back to the tour bus, my Dad pulled open the door and met me on the sidewalk, as if he were waiting on me. 

“Zachary!” He bellowed at me, shaking his head. “Where have you been?! An hour was up two hours ago!” 

“What?” I blinked back at him. How had I lost track of that much time? 

“Get in here!” He pointed at the inside of the tour bus, and I did so without another word to anyone else the rest of the night.

What was wrong with me?

*****

I jumped up and shoved my wallet into my back pocket, swiping up my carabiner with my keys off of my night stand and clipping it to my belt loop. Taylor looked over at me, his head deep in a novel.

“Where are you going?” He asked, putting his book down on his lap, watching me as I shoved my feet into my black Converse.

“Whitney’s.” I replied back as I pulled on my coat. “Don’t wait up.” 

“Hold on!” Taylor said, throwing his book down on his night stand and stood up off of the bed, shoving the door back closed when I’d opened it.

“Taylor, what the fuck.” I stated, looking at his hand as it held the door shut, then up at him. “Get out of my way.”

“No way, I’m going with you.” He insisted, his face serious. 

“Um...why? I’m just driving Lydia back home. I don’t need a buddy.” I rolled my eyes at him, attempting to pull the door open again, but he pushed back closed once more. “Taylor come the hell on!”

“Nope.” He shook his head. “You’re not. Not alone. You’re still grounded. You know the rules.” 

“God, fine. Whatever you say.” I huffed at him, crossing my arms, waiting impatiently while he put on his shoes and grabbed his coat and nodded towards me that we could leave.

"That's right." He smiled smugly at me. "I am all knowing."

My stomach lurched causing me to stop in my tracks, eyeing him nervously, but he walked past me without missing a beat, my paranoia overwhelming. 

He doesn't know, does he?


	29. Chapter 29

Zac

We got home a few days ago, and as much as I'd wanted to see Lydia, I couldn't bring myself to do it. There was something eating away at me, a missing piece of my heart that I never paid attention to, attempting to claw its way out, and suddenly, I felt like she couldn’t do anything to satisfy me, even if I willed it to happen. I was always good at keeping promises, but to love her to the ends of the Earth, was no longer my prerogative. 

Because of what happened in Austin, my parents had decided that my older brother now had to accompany me anywhere outside of the house as a method of discipline. 

The only problem with that is, it was anything close to a punishment. I’d been so wrapped up in having fun with him. We had stayed up at night watching movies, writing songs together, and at one point, fell asleep together on the floor in front of the TV watching trash television. When I had woken up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom after drinking my weight in soda, I’d noticed that Taylor and I were wrapped up in each other’s arms. He was holding me close, and for the first time since losing my mind and blacking out, I felt comforted. Butterflies had taken flight in my stomach, and as much as I needed to empty myself, I didn’t want to move, wake him up, and have him freak out, causing the moment to possibly forever end. 

The morning came though, and it didn’t happen again, but we remained inseparable. Insisting that we spent every moment together until I was released from being grounded. Only I didn’t know when that would be, and as far as I was concerned, I hoped it lasted forever. 

*****

While I rode in the passenger seat, Taylor at the wheel, on the way to Whitney's, I kept glancing over at him. Did he know what I'd done to Tonya? Or, was it just a coincidence?

My mind kept reeling the same moments over and over again in my head: when I'd said Lydia's name out loud during sex, being told to leave, and then waking up to her dead body on the floor - the rest of it was darkness. 

"So…" Taylor started, his eyes focused on the road. "What's up with you lately?" 

The street lights passed through the car, lighting his face up every few seconds, when my eyes landed on the cross necklace around his neck. 

I'd been raised up in the church, going there three or more times a week, since birth. They said, if you're a good, practicing, religious person, you'd go to Heaven. One of the commandments, even non-religious people knew about, was thou shalt not kill thy neighbor. 

Does it count if you can't remember it? 

"...Nothing." I finally answered him, leaning back against the headrest in the car, closing my eyes. "Nothing at all." 

I felt him shift next to me, placing his hand on my left leg at the knee, causing me to look over at him and then back down where his hand was gripped. 

My head started to swim, my mind becoming oddly more clear than it had been since that night in Austin. It was the same touch that I’d noticed he’d given me everytime he wanted to get inside of my head. Everytime he would try to talk to me about anything at all remotely serious, stemming back to when we were just kids. 

My mind went back to the time that I’d lost Amy the first time. Nobody else would talk to me or help me through it, but there he was. I’d moped around the house for weeks, mourning the loss of our friendship, wondering what it was I could have done differently. Taylor would stay up every night with me, until dawn if I wanted. He would bring me all of my favorite foods, which even our Mom never remembered, and take me out to do fun things, just the two of us. All I wanted was to find a relationship where someone was there for me no matter the circumstances, through my darkest hour. What I wanted in not just Amy, but in Lydia, too, but never found. I was never truly satisfied.

Every time I would try and find that someone special, he was always messing it up. We both tried finding other people to satisfy that urge, that craving, but it never kept us happy. Taylor consistently cheated on every girlfriend that he’d been with, and I was the same way. He also kept purposefully ruining every opportunity that I’d had to be without him, pure unadulterated jealousy. 

Then it hit me. It wasn’t anyone else I wanted, it was him. It was always him. My stomach lurched again, nervousness setting in.

"Zac." He started, keeping his eye on the road ahead of him, stealing glances every few seconds. "Please talk to me." 

"You wouldn't understand." I admitted, looking down at his hand still rested on my knee. 

"Try me." He said, taking his hand away from my leg and turning the car into Whitney's driveway, my heart sinking when his touch disappeared, the coldness returning from the heat his hand left behind. It started to make sense, everything that I’d lost in my life, he was always there. 

He shifted the car into park, cutting the engine, and facing me. "What have you got to lose?" 

"I…" I looked at him and then down at my hands again, unsure of what to say or how to phrase it. "Remember when I came back to the bus late?" I asked him. 

He nodded back at me, and even though I couldn’t see the color in his eyes, I knew they were glistening blue, pulling me in, as they always did.. 

"I blacked out." I admitted, pushing my hair out of my face. "I don't remember anything for a solid two hours of that night." I looked back over at him, pressing my lips together. Willing myself not to say anything further. I didn’t want to bring out this revelation to him. It felt wrong. It felt dirty. It felt like if I admitted my feelings for him outloud, and he didn’t really feel that way, too, I was going to lose my best friend.

Taylor's brow furrowed, and he let out a breath. 

"You blacked out? Has this...has this happened before?" He asked, adjusting himself in his seat again. The way he moved, it was clear I was making him uncomfortable. 

I shook my head back at him. 

"No. But let's drop it okay?" I asked, attempting to get out of the car. Taylor then reached across me, and shut us back in the car together. My head snapped back over at him, unsure. “Come on, Taylor, what the hell.” I asked him, trying to act the same as I’d always had.

“Zac, nothing is more important than figuring out why you’re blacking out. That’s not a normal thing in any instance.” He studied my face for a moment, chewing on his lip, brows furrowed. His eyes kept going to my mouth, then to my eyes, and back down to my mouth again. Had he always done that and I just never noticed until now? “Are you hiding something from me?” 

I swallowed thickly, unsure of how to respond. I don’t know what he knows, and I was afraid to say anything. He’d backed me into a corner and I had no idea how to get out of it. I wasn’t ready to admit anything I’d just realized not two seconds ago. 

“Zac.” Taylor repeated, once again, reaching out for me. How had I missed all of these signals before?

“Taylor.” I sighed, looking down and pulling a piece of lint off of my pants. “Please. I just want to go get Lydia.” I admitted to him, hoping to forget all of this for now. I just wanted this night to end. 

“That answers my question, I guess.” Taylor scowled at me, turning in his seat, getting out of the car, and slammed the door hard enough to shake my body within its walls. 

Taylor

After I’d slammed the door to my SUV and walked to Whitney’s front door, leaving Zac behind me, I felt hot pin pricks behind my eyes. I was starting to question the relationship I’d had for the last sixteen years with my brother; he was everything to me. It was not like him to hold anything inside. Not with me, anyway. We’d always been able to talk about any and everything, no matter the topic. But now, he’s put up walls within us, and it was hurting my soul. 

I knew I’d created the angst between us, involuntarily, but it seemed whenever we weren’t talking, it upset me so much that I wanted to run away. But I never let myself. Even if we weren’t together, we were talking, and I suppose it would take an idiot of a person to separate that type of relationship, brothers or not. 

I knocked on Whitney’s door, and turned around to see Zac had his head in his hands, his long blonde hair once again covering his face. It gutted me to see him so upset, but I had to find out what was going on with him. This Zac is not the Zac that I’d grown up with. He was cutting everyone off, keeping to himself, and now keeping secrets. I didn’t know how dark they went, but I was determined to find out. To fix him, to make everything better, so we could get back to good.

“Taylor.” Whitney sighed, opening the door and letting me inside. I followed her down the hallway to the bathroom on the right side, door slightly ajar. Whitney nodded to me, then turned on her heel and left me alone. I arched a brow at her back, then pushed the bathroom door open, Lydia passed out in the bathroom, hand clutching her phone, a small pile of vomit next to her face on the floor. 

I scrunched my face up at her appearance and stepped towards her, positioning her back up against the wall. Once she was steady, I wet a washcloth in the sink with warm water and cleaned her mascara stained face up when her eyes fluttered open and closed, a small groan leaving her lips.

“Shhh. It’s okay.” I frowned at her. Her halter top was beer stained, hair disheveled, her shoes on top of the ledge of the bathtub. “Zac?” Lydia slurred, disappointment mixed with anger overcame me. He should be here doing this, not me. The feelings I had for her, were nothing like they were before we left for our tour. Seeing her this way, made me nauseous and a bit disgusted.

I searched my pockets for my phone, and realized I hadn’t brought it inside with me. Huffing, I turned and left her there, headed for the front door, pulling it open, Zac sitting with his back to me on the front steps.

“Zac?” I asked him, he slowly turned his head to the side. “Can you help me with your girlfriend?” I hissed, over this shit. I was tired of cleaning up these problems.

He nodded and blew out a heavy breath, turned and met me at the door, his eyes downward at the ground. 

“Zac what’s going on with you, man?” I asked him, annoyed with him now too. I blocked the threshold to the front door with my arm so he couldn’t pass me. 

His eyes snapped up at that, locking mine, searching them intently as if he was trying to put together a missing puzzle piece. Both of us stood there, time passing before us, neither one of us speaking. 

“Let’s leave.” He whispered finally, staring at my lips as he licked his. I was entranced. Before I realized what was happening, he closed the gap between us, and hesitantly pressed his against mine. Without even thinking about what I was doing, I returned the kiss.

I felt the levels of adrenaline in my body heighten to surreal levels, my head swimming with dizziness. My breath hitching in my throat, heart pounding so hard I could feel it in my ears, my stomach filling up with a raging fire. 

He pulled away from me, only moving back a couple of inches, tasting his lips. 

I don’t know how long it’d been, but I’d never felt so succumbed by an emotion like this before. Not with Natalie, not with any of the other girls that I’d ever been with. It was suffocating, erotic. I hadn’t noticed before then, but the way he smelled, overwhelmed my senses; leather and sugar. 

“We need to talk.” He finally said, turned, and walked back to the car, leaving me there at the doorway, breathless.


	30. Chapter 30

Lydia

I don’t know if you’d called it a dream, or a nightmare. 

When I woke up on the floor back in my upright position and pushed myself off of the floor of Whitney’s bathroom, and peered into the mirror at my reflection, I could smell his lingering traces of cologne and cigarettes filling up the room. 

I do know one thing though, and that is my head was pounding from all of the beer I’d consumed. 

When I squeezed my eyes closed, I kept getting traces of Taylor’s face in my mind, his eyes full of disgust. I couldn’t blame him though, I was destroying myself for the sake of a boy and I was grossed out, too. 

“Zac, what’s going on with you, man?” 

My ears perked up hearing Taylor’s voice. I’d recognize it anywhere. 

I pulled open the bathroom door, and looked to my left down the hall, the backside of Taylor in her front doorway, his arm quickly going to the doorframe, to block someone. That someone was Zac. My stomach dropped, another tear falling down my face. Zac was going to come to my rescue after all, but Taylor wasn’t letting him by. I started down the hallway towards them, slow might I add, the room was spinning. 

Once I got halfway there though, I saw Zac kissing Taylor, and I immediately stopped. I rubbed my eyes, my vision was blurry, but maybe I was now hallucinating. They stayed that way for a moment way too long for it to be anything other than what you’d considered romantic. Taylor was standing there, stiff as a board. The nauseating sound of kisses coming from the two of them, and if I hadn’t already thrown up, I probably would be.

“We need to talk.” Zac said, and turned around to leave, Taylor still motionless.

“You think?!” I yelled at Taylor’s back. “What the fuck!”

Taylor and Zac both snapped around, their faces a new shade of red that hadn’t been plotted on the color wheel yet, followed by draining their faces to porcelain once they realized they’d been caught.

“Lydia!” Zac shrieked out, pushing past him and started to run up towards me. I held up my hand, looking down at the floor. The room was still fucking spinning and I couldn’t handle this right now. “It’s not what you think.”

I slowly craned my head up, my eyes blurring with tears, as they stood in the hallway, looking between each other, and me. 

“So it wasn’t me that you wanted this entire time, was it?” I sobbed, leaning against the wall and sinking to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest. “First it was Kate. Now it’s your own brother?! What kind of sick, twisted, family do you have?!” 

I looked back up at them, still nothing. My heart was fucking cracking and shattering into a million splinters within my body. Two of the three people that I’d admired and aspired to be were now standing mere feet away from me, and doing this to me. All they’d ever done since getting to know them, was play with me like some kind of toy. I was nothing to them, and that was being made clear to me every single time I’d slightly tear down that wall. They made Chris look like a Saint. 

Taylor pushed his hair back on his head and sat down next to me on the floor, pushing out a staggered breath as his rear made contact with the floor. He put his arm around my shoulders as I cried into my hands. As much as I’d wanted to push him away from me and send them both packing out of my life, I simply didn’t know how. They were my life, even from afar, on the cover of a magazine or on TV. 

“Why? Why each other?” I finally asked them, Zac coming closer towards me then, bending down in front of me, placing his hands on top of mine that were resting on my knees. He looked over at Taylor hard for a moment, then finally back towards me. 

“I don’t know.. I just know I love him.” Zac looked down at our hands, then back up at me, chewing on his bottom lip. Did he expect me to understand that? I know I was an only child, but this is not what you’d consider normal. “I always have.”

Taylor took his hand off of my shoulder then, and put his hand on top of Zac’s; all three of them stacked on top of each other. 

“I love you, too, Zac.” Taylor sighed back, but not even looking at Zac. He was staring downwards at the floor, his face torted up, as if that was a foreign concept.

“I don’t get this.” I finally spoke up, shaking my head. “You’re brothers. How can you love each other like this?” 

Taylor and Zac both seemed to shrug in unison, unable to find the words. It pissed me off that they couldn’t give me even so much as an explanation, yet they were able to destroy me; an innocent bystander.

“I talked to Kate.” I said abruptly, anger taking over me. “She told me what a good lay you are.”

Zac’s head shot up, staring at me, his cheeks reddening. 

“So. You can go fuck her, but you can’t give me anything. You never opened your heart to me, did you?”

“Lydia, stop.” Taylor spoke up, leaning forward. “It’s nothing against you.”

“And how would you know that, Taylor?” I asked him, aggravation very clear in my voice, as I had intended it to be. “Did you fuck her, too?”

Taylor’s face fell, and scrunched back up to its usual state of offense. 

“You have every right to be upset. I didn’t mean to insinuate anything. But things just happen.” Taylor defended himself. 

All I could do was shake my head. I heard the words coming out of their mouths, but it was as if they’d never said anything at all. I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything they were saying. They might as well be fucking politicans.

It made me feel sick that Zac or Taylor would rather have each other, or that Zac would rather have Kate than to have me. A girl who was broken, sure, but someone who had a lot of love to give to either one of them if they would just stop being so stupid and see that.

“Are we having a party without me?” Whitney asked, standing at the end of the hallway outside the doorway of her bedroom in her pajamas, arms crossed over her chest. 

“We were just leaving.” Taylor said and nodded towards Zac, both of them standing up. “We’ll see ourselves out.”

Whitney came down the hallway then, took one look at my shattered face, and back at the two of them.

“Are you fucking serious?” Whitney asked them, motioning down towards me, a crumpled heap against her wall. “You’re just going to fuck her world up again, and leave her like this?”

Zac and Taylor exchanged looks at each other, down at me, and then back up at a very displeased Whitney.

“It took me weeks to get her to leave the house! Now you’re just going to disappear?!” Whitney asked, infuriated. “You two are pieces of shit.” 

“Whitney! That’s not what this is!” Zac found his voice, stepping closer towards her. “I just don’t love her like she deserves. It’s best that I go.”

“So your note you wrote to her meant nothing.” Whitney stated flatly. “All of this pain, what was it? Some kind of sick joke?” 

“What do you want me to do, Whitney?” Zac asked her, his tone now matching hers, crossing his arms over his chest now too.

“I want you to stop blowing into her life and fucking her up, Zac! Look at her!” She motioned down towards me again. I couldn’t even move anymore or say anything to defend myself. I was utterly exhausted in every aspect of the word. 

“Just leave.” Whitney muttered. “It’s what you’re best at.” 

Zac opened his mouth to say something more, but suddenly lost his voice. He looked down at me again, his face crumpling at the state of me. At this point, I could care less. He wasn’t in love with me anymore, if he ever was, and there was nothing I could do about it.

“Fine.” Zac said, and turned around to leave, Taylor following suit sighing behind Zac, leaving me shattered like they said they never would.


	31. Chapter 31

Taylor

That night, Zac and I retreated back to our bedroom together with our tails tucked between our legs. We spent the rest of the night staring up at the ceiling, neither one of us talking. The only sounds you could hear between the two of us, were deep sighs as we pondered our next moves. 

After Zac expressed his affection for me, I felt like maybe it was the wrong move. 

I'd always been attracted to him since I can remember, but I shrugged it off as him just being a decent looking guy. 

That was until I'd been resting while sick a few months ago. 

Zac had come in from taking a shower, the towel wrapped around him loosely showing just a peek of pubic hair. He wandered around the room, grabbing clothes out of the dresser, tossing them on the bed, and looked over at me seeing if I was awake. I quickly shut my eyes so he would think I still was. He shrugged and I'd heard him drop his towel to the floor. My eyes fluttered slightly open so most of my eyelashes were in the view, but I saw all of him. 

My dick twitched under the covers and I slowly moved my hand over it so as not to draw attention to myself. He was partially erect and cupped himself motioning slowly, just playing with it, but not trying to make himself get off. My breath shuddered, my hand rapidly being covered in pre cum. 

This was wrong, I shouldn't think thoughts like this about my own brother. But the forbiddenness was giving me the adrenaline rush I desperately craved. 

"Tay?" Zac asked, now wearing boxers, sat down at the end of my bed. 

"Oh, hey." I smiled weakly at him, pretending I had just woken up. 

"Feeling better?" He smiled at me, his hair still dripping slightly from the shower, small beads of water running down his bare chest. 

"Yeah a bit." I said, sitting up and yawning, trying to act as normal as possible. 

In that moment, I knew there was a forbidden level of attraction between us. 

Since then, I’d done everything I could do to try and forget how my body reacted seeing him fully naked in front of me, but it grew from just an attraction, to an infatuation. Whenever he’d try to make plans with someone other than me, I made it a point to drive him there. I’d drop him off as usual, but I never went home or did anything else. Instead, I would drive around the block, park the car, and walk back to where he was. 

The night that he’d met Lydia, I was there mingling in the crowd, watching him from afar. When he spilled the drink on her, I laughed and shook my head at his nervousness, knowing he’d never been that way with me. He and I were already comfortable with each other, so no proper introductions were necessary. 

We’d just coexist as we always had. 

“Tay?” Zac asked me suddenly, taking the silence out of the air. “Do you hate me?” 

I turned over and looked at the silhouette of his body in the dark, propping myself up on my elbow, resting my head atop my hand.

“Why would you ask me that?” I replied, confusion apparent on my face, but I was sure he couldn’t see it. 

“I don’t know..I always make a mess of everything.” Zac mumbled, his voice sullen. 

“Come on, Zac. You do not.” I sighed, pushing myself into an upright position and clicked on my nightstand table lamp that filled up the room with a dim light. “We’re just going through something. That’s all.” 

“I-” He started, also sitting up to face me, his head down staring at his toes. “I have to tell you something.” 

“What is it?” I asked him. These sentences never follow up with anything good, and I don’t know how much else I’m prepared to deal with. 

Zac looked up at me, his eyelashes still wet from where he’d been crying before he interrupted the silence. He swallowed nervously. 

“I killed somebody, Tay.” He admitted, a tear rolling down his cheek. 

“What?” I asked him chuckling, trying to make light of the situation. He had to be kidding me. There was no way he’d actually kill someone.

“I’m not making it up.” He shook his head, his eyes trained on me, and every subconscious thought I might have even had. “Please believe me, Taylor. I don’t trust anyone else and I’m scared. The extra fucked up part is that I remember none of what happened! The only thing that I remember is that girl I went to dinner with? She was the one who died. I woke up after having sex with her, and here-”

He pulled open his night stand, a blue silk handkerchief that he'd always worn with his suits was pulled out. He unwrapped it and unveiled a bloody letter opener, holding it out to me. He looked over at me again, and my eyes started to pool with tears. I'm fucking terrified. How could anyone keep this shit a secret?

"Put it away." I shrieked, shoving his hands away from me, chills riddling my entire body. He did so, and shut the nightstand again, my eyes not leaving the nightstand where a murder weapon now lay. 

The more he tried to explain, the more sick and confused I felt. Half of the pieces of the puzzle were missing, and I wished so much that I could help him, but I felt powerless. How can someone just black out two hours of their life and wind up doing something like that?

Zac got up and started pacing around the floor of our bedroom, low growls coming out of his mouth, before he stopped in front of me. 

“Say something!” He commanded, shoving his hands out towards me. “Please! I’m losing my mind!”

“Wait.” I said, moving him aside and grabbed a medical book off of my bookshelf. 

“What are you doing?!” Zac asked, hyperventilating at my back. “This isn’t the time to read, Taylor!” 

I turned around and palmed my hand towards him, signaling to lower the hostility before anyone was woken up. He huffed and sat down in the chair at the desk, tapping his fingers on it. 

“I remember reading something about this in this psychology book about psychogenic blackouts.” I explained myself, while furiously flipping through pages back to where I’d seen it before. 

“Okay, found it.” I announced, looking up at him. He perked up then, and motioned for me to keep going. I nodded at him and continued. 

“Alright, it says that they are hard to diagnose but happen when you’re under stress or copious amounts of anxiety. You lose control of your bodily functions mentally, but you continue to move as if you’re in control. During an episode, it can almost resemble a seizure to some degree, but you will never remember what you did during it. It’s an involuntary reaction in the brain to pressure or distress.” I explained to him, then dog eared the page, closing the book and put it back on the shelf.

“Are you saying I’m crazy? Like this is some Norman Bates type of shit, Taylor.” He finally said after marinating on it for a few moments. The look on his face was enough to make my heart break for him. 

I shook my head, and stepped up to him, pulled him into a hug, kissed him on the cheek and held him tighter than I ever had before. I pushed my face into his hair, inhaling him, holding onto remembering who he was, and still is. 

He was only sixteen. This is not something I’d ever wanted for him. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted him to have a fulfilling life. With me, or even without me. Now that we’d revealed our feelings for each other, I was more uncertain of my future than I’d ever been. 

I thought I had my entire life planned out for me, innocently forgetting that you’d have to kick and scream along the way to get what was rightfully yours. I’d fight for him, no matter what came at us. 

My heart hurt though. 

I finally got what I’d always wanted, but it was going to come with a price. Zac was going through something so big, and so scary, that I was unsure of how to help him at the level of care that he’d need.

“You’re not crazy, Zac.” I said, pulling away from the hug, searching his eyes. He was a new level of scared that I’ve never seen in anyone. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too, Taylor.” Zac sighed, and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. 

We both stood up from the desk when Zac turned to me again. 

“Can we share your bed?” He asked me. I nodded, a small smile pulling at my lips. I let him get in first closest to the window, and got in after him. I pulled the covers up over us, and wrapped my arms around his bare chest. I kissed his shoulder as we finally both fell into a deep slumber. 

The only words I could come up for our newly found love was: sad, beautiful, tragic.


	32. Chapter 32

Lydia

Whitney dropped me back off at my house the next morning after we'd went to Denny's and basically scarfed down half the menu. I couldn't relax and fortunately I had someone who was there for me amidst all of this chaos. 

While I'd sat in the booth, I kept hoping I'd see either one of the two men that had destroyed me. I don't know why I'd want to, but it was hard for me to accept that they were gone. 

Is there a way to get someone back that didn't want you? Who wanted his own brother instead of you? 

“It’s going to be okay, you know.” Whitney shook me out of my thoughts across the booth, as she crunched on some bacon, smirking.

She leaned across the table, moving her plate of food aside, and looked directly at me. “You know what you have to do.” 

“And what would that be, Whitney? I’m tired of hurting. I just want the pain to go away.” I looked down at my empty mug of coffee and sighed, shoving it aside. “Tell me what to do.” 

“I thought you’d never ask!” Whitney smiled widely at me, and dug through her purse sitting next to her in the booth. She rummaged for a moment before an “a-ha” came out of her mouth. 

She pulled out a crumpled up fast food napkin, unfolded it, and smoothed it down on the table pushing it towards me. I peered down at it, and then looked back up her, an “I told you so” look on her face.

“Does this say what I think it does?” I gasped down at it, and looked back up at her again. 

“Indeed it does. Where did you get it?” Whitney asked me inquisitively, tilting her head at me. 

“Kate gave it to me.” I said quickly, suddenly needing more coffee. I waved down a waitress to fill my coffee cup up again. The middle aged woman hustled over to me in her goldenrod colored smock with a dingy apron and looked down at the napkin on the table, being nosy, I suppose. 

“I guess I forgot about it. Where was it?” I asked Whitney, watching as she the waitress filled my mug all the way back to the top.

“It was on the floor next to your bag when you were passed out. I was curious.” Whitney shrugged at me, looking pleased with herself. 

On the note was Natalie’s phone number, Taylor’s girlfriend. Below that, it said, ‘If you want a way to get him back - and I think you should.’

“Not that it’s any of my business but -” the waitress started. “That looks like you gotta go get your man.” She winked over at both of us, and disappeared.

Whitney and I both looked at each other then, laughter erupting between us. I took the napkin from the middle of the table, and slid it towards me. I dialed the number that was left on the napkin and looked up at Whitney. She furiously nodded at me to go ahead. 

She answered after a few rings, her voice coming through hesitantly, a normal greeting of hello.

“Hi, Natalie? It’s Lydia. Can we talk?” I asked her, biting on my lip, my eyes trained on Whitney for strength. 

“I thought you’d never call! Kate told me she’d given you my number. Absolutely. I’ll meet you at your house later. Text me the address.” Natalie replied, sounding a bit more excited than I’d ever considered. 

“Perfect. See you in a few hours.” I chimed through the phone and hung up. I looked back over at Whitney, she was beaming, motioning the drawing of a circle over her head with her index finger, signifying a halo. 

I know what I want and I was determined to fight for it. No more sitting around and moping while the world passed me by. If, for once, I had to play dirty, I would do whatever it took. This fascination that Taylor and Zac had with each other, wasn’t natural. I knew that, and they had to know it, too.

*****

A couple of hours later, as I sat on the couch watching TRL, piling down an unnecessary amount of sour gummy worms, I heard a knock at my door. Instead of my usual anxiety of not wanting to face anything, I was surrounded with a motivation. I kicked off the quilt that covered me, dropped my box of sweets on the coffee table, and made my way to the door.

“Hi!” Natalie exclaimed, pulling me into a hug as soon as I opened my front door. “How are you?” She asked, pulling back away from me.

“As good as expected, I guess.” I chuckled at her, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Please, come in.” 

I stepped aside and let her in, closing the door behind us. She peered around at the pictures on the walls. There were a variety of different photographs of our family, but a lot of them were of both of my parent’s military photos. I looked her appearance over; She was wearing a cute aqua colored tunic and black leggings, with black knee high leather boots on. Her hair was dark brown halfway pulled up. 

I could see why Taylor liked her. She seemed really sweet, warm hearted, and just filled the room with a loving feeling. Even with that, she seemed like someone who always was able to coax their way into what she wanted or needed, and that was a drive I desperately wanted to achieve. Just sweet enough to not be taken advantage of, but assertive enough to stand your ground.

“So..What do we do?” I asked at her back. She turned around and faced me, more serious then. She stepped towards me and put her hands on my shoulders.

“It’s simple.” She smiled, chuckling, and licking her lips. “We make one of them a father.” 

“A what?” I gasped at her, and she nodded quickly. “I don’t know about this..” I said, swallowing hard, looking deep into her dark brown eyes. She was serious.

“Lydia. You want him to stop leaving, right? It’s the only way.” Natalie stated, shrugging her shoulders and walked away from me, helping herself to sitting on the sofa I’d previously occupied. 

“I don’t want to be pregnant though… I’m only seventeen!” I said defensively, causing Natalie to turn over the back of the sofa and face me once more.

“Honey.” She laughed. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” She picked up my box of gummy worms off the coffee table and helped herself to some, then shook the box towards me. I shook my head dismissing anymore of them. 

This conversation was sour enough. When I first imagined meeting her, I knew we were going to do something, but I didn’t know it would be this. The idea of getting myself pregnant to try and keep Zac in my life, wasn’t really my cup of tea. Sure, he’s famous, and what girl didn’t entertain the idea of that at some point? 

“I want him back, but I don’t want this.. Plus, I think he’s gay or something.” I said, then gasping at my words, covering my mouth. Shit, I don’t think she knows that.

“What?” Natalie asked, her brows dangerously coming together. “He’s not gay, Lydia. Why would you think that?” 

“Um..I” I stuttered, my cheeks getting hot. “Nevermind.” I shook my head, turned on my heel and went into the kitchen. 

“What?!” Natalie yelled from the living room, as I leaned against the counter of the kitchen, peering down into sink, trying somehow to elude the conversation. That was until, Natalie came up beside me, her eyebrows perched high on her forehead.

“Lydia, what are you not telling me?” Natalie asked softly, putting her hand on mine. 

I sighed and leaned more inwards over the sink, arching my back, as if pushing the stress out of me would even help.

“I don’t even know how to really word this.” I said, staring out the window to the neighbors yard across the street. Their two sons were outside playing on the swing set, laughing and giggling, running around. I smiled slightly at them, imagining Taylor and Zac as little kids, and their possible future children.

“Just tell me.” Natalie said to my left. I looked at her once more, her face full of concern. 

I sighed heavily and then just spilled it all out. 

“Taylor and Zac came over to Whitney's last night and uh…they uh...They told me they're gay. For each other." I cringed as I said it, hearing how ridiculous it sounded coming out of my mouth. 

"What?" Natalie asked gasping. She was like a broken record player now. "You are lying!" 

I shook my head and fully faced her. 

"I swear to you I am not." I stated defensively, more hostility in my voice on purpose to show her I was not bullshitting. “Why do you think I called you? I’d think I could handle some stupid little heart break on my own. But this is a lot bigger than that. You can even verify with Whitney if you want to.” 

"Well… um.” She looked down at my tiled kitchen floor, her nose scrunched up. “Okay that changes things a lot. But if you think about it.." she shrugged. "That's more of a reason for this to happen! It'll keep them from whatever this is. Imagine how their parents would think. They’re quite religious, you know." 

“Does it have to be a baby though? Of all things?” I asked Natalie, studying her. 

“Do you have a better idea?” She looked back up at me, disgust replaced again with seriousness.

I didn’t.

*****

The next morning, Natalie was back over at my house, this time with Kate. They were marking dates off of calendars of when the guys were expecting to be touring, followed by impending ovulation dates. 

I really didn’t want to do this. 

Everything was telling me it was wrong, morals included. Could I ever look Zac in the face again knowing what I’d done? 

We hadn’t even slept together once, much less enough times with me to make a baby. In fact, I had really considered never having a child after all the bullshit I’d been through in my short amount of time on this planet. 

I didn’t, and still don’t, think this is worth it for myself. But I was beginning to believe it was for Zac’s well being.

“Okay so, Lydia.” Kate said, looking up from the calendar at me, holding a red marker in her right hand. “Do you think you could be ready tonight? Based off of this, you’re primed and ready.” She said, motioning down at the circled red date of today.

I nodded at them, a fake smile on my lips. 

“Perfect.” Natalie said, clapping me on the shoulder.

“Let’s get you dressed up sexy.” Kate started, getting up from the floor, and digging in her bag. She pulled out a few pieces of black lingerie, holding them up on either side of her. “Which one do you like better?”

I eyed them both, picking the one that was the most revealing. I wanted them to like me, for some reason, and peg me for as big of a seductress as they were. I don’t know why I wanted their approval so badly. 

“That’s my girl.” Kate purred, tossing it at me. I caught it and held it up in front of me, not a single part of your body would be covered, including the slit in the crotch part so you wouldn’t even have to remove it to have sex in it. 

She dipped back into her bag, grabbing a makeup bag and dropped down in front of me as she unzipped it, pulling out a bunch of different expensive brands of makeup. 

“Are you sure about this?” I asked Kate, biting my lip as she got close to my eye with an eyeliner pencil. 

Kate huffed and rolled her eyes at me.

“Who’s fucked Zac in this room?” She asked, raising a brow at me. 

I sighed and nodded, letting her doll me up. 

Once we were done, Kate pulled open her phone and started texting, then snapped her flip phone shut, turning to me. 

“He’ll see you in thirty minutes.” She smiled, walking up to me, fluffing up my hair, and pulled me in front of the mirror so I could look at myself.

I looked hot as fuck. 

My hair was curled, ruby red lipstick, smoky eyes, the very revealing lingerie underneath of my pumpkin colored sweater dress so I wouldn’t freeze to death going outside. 

“I’m so excited!” Natalie giggled behind us, the three of us standing in the mirror. 

They were overly confident, while I was a shell of my former self, trying to save the person I was in love with. 

That person wasn’t me.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want the full experience of this chapter as I'd written it, please refer to the following song:
> 
> Taylor Swift - This Love 
> 
> You can find this song on the 1989 album.

Lydia

Kate and Natalie insisted on driving me to the Marriott a few miles away to meet up with Zac. When Kate had said he was hesitant to meet up, but that he eventually agreed, I really wanted to stop it. If he didn’t want to see me, then I’d have to deal with that, as much as that would really suck for all parties involved.

By the time we'd pulled into the parking lot, my nervousness had forced me to rid myself of all of the red lipstick off. I’d been licking my lips, swallowing hard, forcing my dinner of chicken parm to stay down on repeat for however long it took to get here. 

"You are a mess." Kate spat, and dug back through her bag, shoving the lipstick in my hand. "Fix it." 

I tentatively opened the tube and cranked it upwards, revealing just a small portion. Her eyes were trained on me in my peripherals, the niceness gone. I pulled the lighted vanity flap open on the sun visor and applied it on, taking a bit longer than I probably should have. 

My heart was pounding a mile a second. All of my motivation and spunk was gone now. Nothing was left but a giant ball of nerves. I felt like I was a performing circus act and if I didn't do right by them, I would catch hell later. 

I had just finished applying the lipstick when Kate's phone beeped next to us in her center console. She snatched it up quickly, flipping it open. 

"He's here. Room 104." Kate informed us, then flipped it back shut and dropped it back into the console. "Ready?" 

She turned and looked at me, a wicked grin on her face. I was afraid to say no, even though this wasn't me. To be completely honest, I wanted to out her to Zac. I wanted to tell him the plan and never go through with it. But Natalie's voice rang through my head again, "do you have a better idea?" I didn't and still don't. 

I nodded at Kate, and tried my best to put on my brave face, swallowing hard. I let out a breath and pulled open the door, turning back towards them as I fixed my dress.

"Hey, Lydia!" Natalie called from the backseat. I snapped my head up to look at her, hoping she would say this is a mistake. That she didn't know what she was thinking. To save me from this hell.  
But instead, all she said was "You got this, girl!" 

Her and Kate high fived each other, huge smiles on their faces and light chuckles emanating from them both. 

"You bet." I stated, and shut the door behind me. The only sounds around me was Kate's car engine and the clacking of my heels on the pavement as I let myself into the side door of the hotel. 

When I got to the elevator, I pressed the button for the first floor. I eyed the numbers with purpose, wondering if I should just hit the panic button and sit there for hours until help arrived. But when the elevator doors unmistakable ding filled the air, I stepped out onto the first floor. Zac was here only a few doors away, and I felt myself almost get excited at the thought of seeing him, being close to him, being his again. 

I slowly walked down the hall, reading the numbers off in my head as I got closer and closer. Until I'd made it, room 104. I stood there, the thoughts ringing through my head of why he'd even agreed to meet me at all. 

Was it all a dream? 

Did they never say any of those things to me? 

Maybe he just wanted to talk.

Instead, I found myself sprinting down the hallway back to the elevator at full speed. I furiously pressed the down button over and over again, until it got to my floor. When the doors opened, there he was, in the elevator with a tub of ice and a bottle of champagne. 

"Lydia." Zac breathed, stepping towards me, the sounds of the ice clunking around in the bucket with each step he took. "What are you doing here?" He asked me, looking me up and down. 

I couldn't say anything. My breath was caught in my throat, my heart pounding, my vision getting blurry. What did he mean by that? 

Then I understood. He thought he was expecting Kate. Not me. I frowned and toed my black Mary Jane's on the floor, biting down hard on my lower lip to suppress the tears from falling. 

"Lydia?" Zac repeated, putting his hand on my shoulder. I looked back up again at him, my breath shuddering. 

"I miss you." I frowned, pulling at the hem of my sweater dress. 

My fantasy was that he would toss the ice on the floor, pick me up, twirl me around, and tell me he'd made a mistake. That this was all a mistake, and he'd loved me too. 

But that didn't happen. 

"I miss you, too, Lydia." Zac sighed, readjusting the plastic bag in his hand, the ice shuffling again. 

Zac look past me and down the hall. 

"Who are you with?" He asked, confusion on his face. 

"Nobody.." I mumbled, still eyeing the floor. I was afraid to look at him. Afraid to drop the entire wall this time only to be rejected again. 

"You look beautiful." 

I snapped my head up, and looked at him. He was looking at me the way he'd done so many times before. 

Before all of this. 

Before all of the heartbreak, disappointment, and rejection. 

Before he told me he wanted someone else. 

"Thank you." I smiled faintly at him. "I did it for you." 

He tilted his head towards me and puckered his lips up, looking side to side. 

"What do you mean?" He finally asked, again, adjusting his ice and plastic.

"I-" I started, when the elevator dinged open, Kate standing there. 

"Lydia!" Kate beamed, startling both Zac and I. His face went red, him turning on his heel abruptly to leave, heading back down the hall towards his room. "Zac where are you going?!" Kate called down the hall. 

Zac skidded to a halt, and turned around, his face still crimson as he looked between the both of us. 

"Why are you leaving us? We're here for you." Kate purred, grabbing my hand and threaded our fingers together, pulling us both down the hall towards him. "Don't you like what you see?" 

He swallowed hard, motionless. We closed the gap between us and him, his back hitting the door, half the ice spilling and hitting the floor, the champagne bottle clunking against the door. 

Kate licked her lips and then licked his seductively, her head slowly craning over to me, eyes locking onto mine, our hands still interlocked. 

"Come get your man, sweetie." Kate cooed and backed up, pushing me into Zac. She laughed wickedly and walked back down the hall, shaking her head. 

"What the fuck." Zac gasped, watching the back of her as she stepped onto the elevator and grinned back wickedly at the two of us as the door shut in front of her. We looked at each other, Zac shaking his head as he fumbled with the key card, his hands shaking. A few seconds later, we crossed the threshold, both of our shoes crunching on the ice as we went into his hotel room and shut the door behind us. 

*****

I was sitting down on the bed, Zac was sitting across from me at the kitchen table and chair set that was in the room, elbow on the table, rubbing his hand over his forehead, not taking his eyes off of me.

"What the hell is going on?" He finally asked. 

"I just missed you..she helped me find you." I replied meekly, tucking my hair behind my ear. My hands were folded in my lap, afraid to touch him, be with him. As much as my heart craved it, I was afraid to ruin my last chance with him. 

"What do you mean helped you find me? Lydia, I'm always here, remember?" Zac sighed, getting up from his chair and sat down next to me on the bed. 

He rubbed his fingers over mine, pulling my hands apart, freeing them from their interlocked position, bringing my left hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it. 

My breathing picked up a quicker pace as he went from the top of my hand, up my forearm, and stopped at the ditch of my elbow. 

He looked up at me, letting go of my arm, my jaw hanging slightly open. Each touch of his lips sent the smoldering coals in my belly, back to a roaring open flame. 

"Want some champagne?" 

I hesitantly nodded at him. Hoping maybe some liquid courage would get me to relax. Kate was probably still sitting out in the parking lot, expecting me to come running out any second now. I scrunched up my nose at the thought of her now. At first, I really liked her tenacity and how confident she was in herself. But to tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ve been more intimidated than I am now. 

Zac hopped off the bed, pulling two plastic cups out of the bag. He aimed the champagne bottle towards the ground and popped the cap off, bubbles flying out all over the tiled floor at the entryway of the hotel room. He giggled like a child, obviously not giving a shit about the mess he’d created - metaphorically and physically, and poured our drinks half full, extending one of them out to me. 

I stood up next to the bed, full smile on my lips at the tension lowering hastily in the room, accepting the cup from him when he tapped his cup to mine. 

"To new beginnings." He smiled back at me, and knocked his drink back. I followed suit, our eyes catching as our heads came back down, only a foot of distance between us. 

I bent down, plucking my high heels off of my feet, attempting to get comfortable. Zac watched me as laid back on the bed and averted my eyes to the popcorn ceiling above us, wiggling my newly black polished toenails at the open air. 

“Getting comfortable, are we?” Zac chuckled as he walked up next to the bed and looked down at me, a big grin on his lips. 

I nodded innocently, and folded my arms up underneath of my head on the pillow. He smiled even bigger and toed his shoes off next to the bed, and jumped onto the bed, rolling over me so he was now on the right of me. I looked over at him then, the boyish innocence that I’d always fallen in love, that I deeply craved and missed.

We stared at each other for a few moments, taking each other in. Why couldn’t things always be like this? Why were they always so messed up and complicated? All I’d ever wanted was a simple life, but it never came to me. But in this moment, my heart made peace with the idea of this being my forever.

Zac leaned into me then, searching my eyes, before he put his hand behind the nape of my neck and pulled me into a deep kiss on my lips. Every part of my body began to tingle and feel electrified, moaning into each others mouth as our lips parted to allow our tongues dance that familiar dance all over again. 

Without breaking our kiss, Zac pressed my body against his, pulling me on top of him, he was fully erect underneath of me. His hands began caressing my outer thighs and stopping as he hit the lingerie a few inches higher than my dress came. 

He pulled back then, and arched a brow at me. 

“What is this?” He asked laughing, pulling my dress up a little higher my most sensitive areas from the waist down now fully on display through the transparent lingerie I had on my body. “Oh…” 

“Is it too much?” I asked him, chewing on my bottom lip, a small heat coming to my cheeks. 

“Yes.” He stated offensively, looking up at me, my long brown hair now a tunnel between our faces. 

“Oh..” I frowned, and went to push my dress back down to get up and run out, but his hands stopped me. I looked back into his eyes again, confused.

“It’s too much because I want it all off.” He smirked, laughing playfully, and pushed my dress all the way off of me and over my head, tossing it onto the floor, the same with the lingerie. He then removed his clothes quickly, his erection on display. My breath caught in my throat at its size, bigger than I'd anticipated. 

When he brought his body back down to a lying position beneath me, his eyes became glossy as if he were about to cry. When I’d thought to question it, he reached up behind my neck again and pulled me back down, smashing our lips together, our completely naked bodies pressed together. 

“I love you.” He whispered into my mouth, rolling me onto my back then, a single tear drying up on his cheek.

“I love you.” I gasped, as all of him entered me. “Please never leave me.” 

“Never. Not for all the stars in the sky."


	34. Chapter 34

Zac

The morning after we'd left Lydia alone at Whitney's, I woke up with Taylor's arm around me in his bed. Our bodies were stuck together with sweat from the constant contact, leaving me feeling gross. I pushed my back against him, hoping to loosen the grip between our skin so that I could go shower. 

"Morning." Taylor groggily said at the added pressure contact. "Feeling okay?" He asked. 

"Yeah, just want to shower. Let me out." I said, shoving him slightly away from me, and crawled over his body to the aisle between our beds. 

When my feet made contact with the floor, Taylor's hand started caressing my lower back. I turned to look at him, his face ridden with a heavy sleep. 

"Don't be long." He grinned up at me. 

I nodded at him and went through my dresser, pulling out my clothes for the day, then let myself out of our bedroom into the hallway. 

"Zac!" Avery, one of my little sisters, met me halfway between the bathroom and our bedroom. 

"Can you color with me?" 

She held up a coloring book with unicorns and princesses on the cover, pushing out her bottom lip into a pout. 

I shook my head at her, put my palm on her head ruffling her hair, and pushed past her. 

"You're not fun anymore!" She yelled at my back, but I didn't care.

Of course I'm not fun. I'm confused more than I've ever been! It must be nice to still be so innocent, wanting nothing more than to have your big brother coloring with you. 

I shut myself in the thankfully empty bathroom and leaned against the door.

I exhaled deeply, set my clothes down on the closed toilet seat lid, and started the shower. 

As the water got warm, I palmed my hands on the double sink countertop and stared at my reflection in the mirror. 

I had bags under my eyes for days, my long hair disheveled in every way imaginable. But what was hurting the most, was within me. I started to remember those days back when Amy and I were still friends at around eight years old, coloring in our treehouse out back. 

“Are you staying in the lines, Amy?” I asked her, both of us lying on our stomachs. I looked over her shoulder at her Princess Barbie book, she was coloring the Princess’s dress blue. 

“Yes, leave me alone!” She scowled at me, and pulled the book up against her chest so I couldn’t see. “Don’t peek!” 

I rolled my eyes at her and yanked the book out of her hand, holding it above her reach, watching her jump up and down to try and pry it out of my hand. 

“Zac, give me my Princess book!” Amy whined, her face full of rage. I laughed at her attempts to grab at it, teasing her like the brother she’d never had. 

Amy was an only child, so I felt like it was my duty to be that brotherly type for her. She would come over at all hours of the day, scarfing down all of my Twinkies and Ho-Ho’s, pulling a big smile on her face as she inhaled them. My mom would always shake her head at her, always telling us how she was welcome in our home and there was no possible way she could do any wrong. 

Our parents would frequently joke around that we would be together in the end. How we would get married and have a couple of kids, grow old together. But all it took was one wrong move to completely obliterate that relationship with her. 

When I saw her again in New York, I wanted to try and rekindle that, but all I did was fuck her and leave like she was nothing to me. That everything we’d ever been through and shared, lead up to that moment and then I was gone like another bad habit. It took something as small as her obsessive compulsive habits, to run me right out of there.

There were many times since that day that I looked down at my phone and Amy was trying to reach out to me. To find some explanation as to why I’d left her the way that I did. But those texts that went from a small questions, eventually turned into rage, to complete silence. 

Whenever I looked into Lydia’s eyes, I saw pieces of Amy in her personality. Whenever we’d get too close to each other, I felt the same way: it electrified me. But in the same breath, that scared me, too. The way that things had been left with Amy, made me confused. It made me second guess everything in my life. 

I always thought because Taylor was the one that I’d run to, that he was the person for me. Every time I had a malfunction in my life, he was there and always good at making me feel better. Isn’t that the basis for every good and successful relationship? 

Now that I’ve had time to sleep on my feelings, I started to deeply regret what I thought I wanted with him. I cringed at myself in the mirror, shook my head, stripped down naked, and got in the shower. The hot water running over my body, furiously scrubbing my body to rid myself of all of the sweat he and I had accumulated being pressed together.

*****

Thirty minutes of the longest, hottest, shower I’d ever taken in my life, I made my way downstairs. My parents and youngest siblings at the dining room table, sandwiches lining the table with a giant pitcher of fresh lemonade with the slices floating in it, atop it. 

“Well hello, Zachary.” Mom smiled up at me. She was wiping jelly off of my youngest sister’s hands and fingers. “Have a seat. We’re having lunch.

I nodded at her and took my seat at the head of the table. Being left handed, I preferred to have all of the empty space so as not to bump elbows. I reached over and took a few celery and carrot sticks with some ranch, and couple of cucumber sandwiches and placed them onto my plate. Mom poured me a glass of lemonade and set it down next to me, placing a quick kiss on my right cheek.

“How are you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Mom sat next to me, perching her elbows on the table watching me eat. 

“I’m hanging in there. As good as you’d expect, I suppose.” I said, smiling a fake smile, shoving all of my pain down into my gut where it belonged, and took a big bite of my sandwich. “How’s things around here?” 

She looked confused, as one would expect to be. What a weird question to ask. I inwardly cringed at my own question and shook my head. 

“Things are fine here, Zachary… Last I checked you live here, too?” She asked, chuckling at me, and stood up from her chair, patting me on the head. “What a silly boy.” 

Just as I was finishing up my food, Taylor emerged from the staircase, his eyes fixated on me, sending daggers. He was pissed off and as usual, I had no idea what the fuck I’d done now. I stood up from my chair, pushing it in and took my plate into the kitchen. When I turned around, his hands were on his hips blocking my exit from the kitchen.

“Can I help you?” I asked him, shaking my head as I tried to move past him. He took a step to the right and to the left making it so I couldn’t go out. “Dude, what the fuck?” I huffed, giving up and stood in front of him.

“Where were you?” He scowled at me. He was fully clothed with his too tight jeans, dark gray sweater, and a billion necklaces that were never removed. I’m pretty sure he’d be buried with them, too. 

“I told you.” I arched at an eyebrow at him. “I was in the shower. Is that a problem now?” 

“I thought it was pretty obvious I wanted you to come be with me afterwards? Or was that too obvious of a signal for even you to understand?” He asked me. He was ready for an argument and I was not about to appease him. “Did you mean nothing of what you said to me?” 

I swallowed hard, and looked past him, our family carrying on life as usual, while he and I were discussing possible attractions to one another in the open air.

“Taylor.” I started. “Not here.” I motioned towards the backyard, and he nodded. He went out to the back porch, but I still felt exposed. “Let’s go up in the treehouse.” I suggested. 

He and I climbed the now rickety slats up the side of the tree and squeezed ourselves into the walls of the treehouse. 

“A lot smaller than I remember.” I said, looking around at the too close walls around us, our legs folded up under ourselves and backs hunched over to fit inside.

“Speak for yourself. I have almost a whole foot on you.” Taylor grinned.

We both laughed, almost forgetting why we were up here. I didn’t want our relationship as brothers to fall away over this, but I didn’t think I wanted to be like this with him. My mind was so garbled and mixed up that I simply didn’t know what was best for me. 

“So..” Taylor started, tilting his head in my direction. “Why didn’t you come back?” 

I stared at him for a moment, then found myself in the familiar position of putting my head in my hands, averting his gaze. The same thing he would frequently do to me in moments past. 

"Zac?" Taylor asked, the feeling of his hand on my shoulder. I didn't look up at him then, even still. This was going to be difficult. "Zac, come on dude. What did I do?" 

"Nothing, Taylor. You didn't do anything." I admitted, sighing heavily. "It's not anything you did." 

"Then what is it?" He said, scooching closer to me, his arm around my shoulders now. "You can talk to me about anything."

I knew that. I've always known that. But now I was going to hurt not only the person I deeply cared about, but also my brother. I knew I should be with, and it wasn't him. 

"We can't do this." I blurted out, looking up at him on my left side now. His face went taut, and he shook his head quickly at me. 

"What? What do you mean?" Taylor asked, chewing on his bottom lip, his arm still remaining around me. 

"This isn't right. We can't be together." I sighed, my eyes trained on his perfect lips. "I'm sorry." 

"Zac, you don't mean that." Taylor said, his face growing red, his arms to himself now. "You don't.." 

He looked down in his lap, rubbing his eyes with his hands. I didn’t know what to say. I felt like any other words that came out of my mouth would destroy him beyond repair. He was always so sensitive and always took offense; rejection was not something he could deal with. 

My phone beeped in my pocket, startling us both. I hesitantly looked at him as he watched me pull it out of my pocket, his eyes glazed over with hurt. I winced at the state of him, knowing I shouldn’t even look at this, but I needed some sort of distraction. This level of anxiety was too much.

I went to flip my phone open, but he snatched it out of my hand and turning his back to me. 

“Tay come on!” I yelled over his back, reaching my arms around either side of his neck to get it from him. He struggled, twisted, and turned towards the opening of the door of the treehouse. He pulled his arm back with my phone in his hand, my eyes widening. 

“Taylor, don’t!” I yelled at him, as he threw my phone out of the tree house, it bouncing on the lawn before settling in a pile of dirt under the tire swing. 

Taylor got in my face and grabbed the collar of my shirt. His hot breath hit me in the face, eyes glaring at me. The once blue and inviting, now replaced with nothing but darkness. 

“Go meet Kate, Zac. She wants you.” 

He climbed out of the tree house, went inside the house and slammed the sliding glass door, the tempered glass shattering within itself. The erupting of my family's voices coming out of the walls.

The one person I never wanted to hurt, I've now destroyed, and I didn't know if I'd ever get him back.


	35. Chapter 35

Taylor

After all I'd done for Zac, he still chose someone else. It wasn't so much as him picking another person to love besides me. It was the fact that he had to hurt me this much without considering me in his decision. We talked about how we'd get through it and to screw what people thought, we were in love. He kissed me and told me how much I meant to him, confided in me, done everything right by me. 

"JORDAN TAYLOR!" My Dad bellowed at me, the sliding glass door shattering behind me. I simply didn't give a fuck. What could they possibly do to me? I'm eighteen years old. I don't need to abide by their rules.

"Taylor!" My mom cried at my back as I stomped up the stairs to mine and Zac's bedroom. 

My parents were hot on my heels, shrieking and yelling at me as I grabbed boxes from the top shelves of our dual closet next to Zac's bed. 

They didn't know how much I was hurting, how much I wanted to be away from them and everyone else. I felt a strong grip on my left shoulder, my Dad's hand, as he whipped me around to look at him. 

"Son! You're killing your mother!" Dad yelled holding onto my shirt, pointing at her with his free hand. Her crumpled up at our desk, tears and snot flowing freely out of her face. 

"Mom." I started, and she looked up at me, her face showing a small glimmer of hope. "Stop crying. I'm not who you want me to be, and you'll just have to deal with it." 

Her sobbing continued that, my Dad in a frozen state. I shook his hand off of me and started pulling all of my clothes off their hangers and tossing them into a box. 

"You know what, Jordan." My Dad said, shaking his head as he held my Mom close while she sobbed into his shoulder. "You're right. We will deal with it. With you gone. As far as myself, and everyone else is concerned, Hanson is no more." 

Was that a threat? Really? Okay. 

"It's funny you say that." I said, dumping the clothes from my dresser into my many different suitcases I'd acquired from being on the road so much. "Because I actually don't care. Take it away! Take ALL of it away! As far as I'm concerned, you can take this entire family from me, too." I snarled at him. 

He backed me into a corner. How did he expect me to react? The one person who was holding me here, just broke my heart. I didn't want to be part of a band or family, that didn't involve him in it, anyway. As far as I'm concerned, I'm doing everyone a favor. 

"Get your shit, then, and get the hell out of my house!" My Dad yelled, pulling my mother out of the room with him and disappearing. 

My younger siblings peeked in the room as I was grabbing the rest of my books and photography gear, sobbing coming from them. 

"Tay, don't go!" My sister Jessica cried, running up to me and wrapping herself around my waist. The other kids Avery, Mackenzie, and Zoe following suit. 

My inner turmoil was making me want to say fuck it, apologize, and be here for the little ones. They loved me. But it wasn't enough to make me stay. Even still, it finished the cracking of my heart to feel four small bodies wrapping themselves around me, crying and begging me not to leave. 

"I have to go, you guys. It's not good for me anymore to be here." I said through tears, prying little fingers off of my body, one hand at a time. 

I crouched down at their level and told them all to give me a hug and kiss goodbye, and that I would see them soon. I knew it was a lie, but I didn't want to harm their innocent minds further than it needed to be. Zoe probably would never remember me, and that is what breaks my heart the most. 

After I'd gotten all of my belongings packed, I ran down the steps, two boxes at a time, and loaded them into the trunk. Once I made the first deposit, Isaac pulled up, sunglasses on, top down. 

"Do we have a gig- what is that?" Isaac asked, looking at my things in the trunk over my shoulder. "Are you going somewhere?" 

"I'm leaving, Ike." I sighed, pushing my hair back from my face. "I can't stay here anymore." 

"What? You're leaving? Why?" Isaac asked frowning, removing his sunglasses and looked directly at me. "What about the band?" 

"Dad canceled the band, Ike. He pulled the plug." I replied, leaning against my SUV, taking a long hard look at my older brother. 

I didn't know when I'd see him again, either. I'd always looked up to his maturity. He was an old soul in a young body, and here I was, an immature guy who didn't know what to do with myself one day to the next. 

"Why would he do that, Taylor?" Isaac asked, grimacing. 

He expected the worst coming from me, he always did. But, he was never wrong. I accepted that years ago. 

"I just..I can't be here anymore. This family is exhausting and the last thing I need is him yelling down my throat, threatening to pull the plug on the band every five seconds. I'm done, dude. I'm done." I explained, and he simply nodded. 

"I understand." Ike said, holding his hand out to shake. I grasped it firmly, and he pulled me into a hug. It felt Dad-like. Warm, inviting, like the world couldn't break you down, kind of hug. "Once we separate from everything for awhile, we'll revisit the band idea, okay? Just go take some time for yourself." 

See what I mean? Old soul. That's why the fans call him Old Man Hanson. 

I pulled away from the hug and turned to go back into the house. He offered to help me with what was left, and I'd accepted, grateful for it.

On the last load, I saw Zac making his way through the living room to his car. My anger coming back full force at the sight of him, but I had nothing more to say. He'd riddled me exhausted and speechless from his bullshit and if he wanted to leave without saying goodbye, I guess I could too. 

Isaac and I exited the house and towards my SUV with the last of our stuff, Zac sitting in the seat of Mom's car, engine running. He watched as we deposited the last of my things into the trunk and shut it. 

"Did he say goodbye to you?" Isaac asked me as he deposited my final suitcase into the back of my car behind the seat and looked over at Zac. He was turned around in the driver's seat watching us. 

"No. No he didn't." I said with anger, which Isaac noticed. 

"Are...are you guys okay?" He asked me, a brow arched. 

"He's not my brother." I spat in Zac's direction, and pulled the driver's side open, slamming myself into it. 

I peered out of my driver's side window, begging him with my eyes to ask me to stop. To stay. That he didn't want me to go. That he loved me and we could get past this and get back together. 

But he didn't stop me. He didn't say a word to me. Instead, he shook his head as put the car in reverse. 

He pulled out of the driveway, and I watched as he disappeared around the corner, out of the neighborhood, and out of my life. 

*****

I drove down the road to a destination unknown. 

I had no idea where I was going to go, where I was going to stay. I knew I had to get as far away as I could from Zac. The last thing I needed, or wanted, was to run into him accidentally. 

My cell phone went off in my passengers seat, and I ignored it. I turned the radio up to and pushed the pedal as far down as it would go for a moment and hit my steering wheel repeatedly, channeling my frustrations out of me. 

My eyes were blurred with tears of anger, heartbreak, and despair. 

The waves of the sunset around me, casting reds, pinks, and yellows over every hill and lake I passed. I once used to stop and admire its beauty in a photograph. But now they seemed to dull and fade away around me, my brain signaling everything to me as darkness. 

I don't know how far I'd driven when my fuel light came on and groaned, realizing in that moment just how tired I actually was. I took the next exit off the highway, realizing I’d somehow made it all the way to Nashville. There was no way I’d driven two states over in only eight hours. 

But my eyes were not deceiving me. The neon lights of the town surrounded me, my eyes already perking up at the scenery. It was a Saturday night, so everywhere was alive with the nightlife. I pulled into a gas station right across the street from a bar, and parked next to a pump to fill it up.  
While I stood there filling up the car, I looked across at the bar, wishing I were old enough to drink and dull the pain, if only for a few hours. There were people consistently going in and out of the doors, cowboy hats and boots on, laughter filling the air. Each time the door would open, you could hear the unmistakable sounds of country music blaring within its walls. 

I frowned as the pump clicked that my tank was full, and replaced it, and headed inside for some food. My stomach was painfully empty, avoiding any idea of food until now. 

When I walked inside, the door dinged, the only familiar noise I’d heard in hundreds of miles. My eyes once excited with neon lights, was replaced the harshness of the LEDs as I scoured the aisles, looking for something that didn’t look like shit. Eventually, I’d settled on getting a little bit of everything, filling my arms full. The idea of going out for dinner, just sounded painful right now; I didn’t want to see happy couples anymore. How did they deserve love, and not me?

I got up to the counter, a couple of people in line in front of me, and looked around at all of the different advertisements of companies looking for employees. I skimmed the lines of text, settling my eyes on a piano player for a small band. It piqued my interest, but I wasn’t hard off for money just yet, and if I was, it seemed like Nashville might not be a bad place to settle down. There were worse places.

“Next.” The woman with a very southern drawl said, bringing my attention to the counter, everyone in front of me gone. I quickly stepped forward and dropped my arms full of snack cakes, Dr. Pepper, and chips onto the counter. 

“Son you’re gonna need more than just sugar and chips for dinner.” She shook her head at me ringing up my items. As she did so, my eyes flitted up to the missing persons advertisements behind her on the wall. My eyes landed on a young girl, shoulder length light brown hair, hazel eyes, below it, her name: Tonya Fowler. 

My heart started racing, my cheeks heating up. That’s.. Not the same person, is it? I looked at it again for a moment longer, scanning from her face to the name, to the date reported, only a few weeks ago, and a reward. 

“Oh my God.” I gasped. 

“Son, your total is $14.50.” The clerk said to me, and I tossed a $20 down on the counter. My eyes still trained on Tonya’s face.

“Ma’am.” I said, as she was giving me my change. “Are these current?” I asked her, pointing at the missing person’s ads.

She turned around, following where I’d pointed, then turned back around to me. 

“Yes, son.” She arched a brow at me, and I nodded back at her, taking my bag of food out of the gas station, sprinting back to my car. I got into my seat, throwing the bag down in the passenger’s seat and grabbing my cell phone. 

There were fourteen missed calls on my phone that I’d blatantly ignored. I flipped open the screen and scrolled through them. Most were from my parents number, but six of them were from Natalie. None from Zac. 

I debated for longer than I wanted to, to call him and tell him what I’d seen. But I decided against it, flipping my phone closed. He was on his own now.


	36. Chapter 36

Lydia

It’d been a few weeks since Zac had heard anything from Taylor, and it was beginning to be a massive strain on our relationship. Whenever he would come over, he would sit and pout, staring at his phone. He claimed that he would never leave me, but it felt like his heart was already with someone else. 

After he got the news that their parents had signaled an end to the band, there were hundreds upon thousands of emails, blogs, and tabloids littered everywhere. He couldn’t even go home without death threats and sobbing fans trying to camp out on their lawn; a consistent around the clock police presence was hired to control the madness.

“He would help me through this.” Zac kept sighing, sitting on the floor next to my bed while I was trying to keep up with my homeschooling work. 

I looked down at him, no longer feeling any pity or remorse for him. I understood how close they were and how much they meant to each other, but he acts as if the guy died. Maybe I just didn’t understand, being an only child and all, but this level of infatuation was not healthy.

“Zac.” I said firmly, the first word I’d spoken in over an hour. I was doing my best before then to ignore him but I couldn’t anymore. He turned around and looked up at me, morose. “This is his fault, remember? He did this to you, to us, your family. If you should be upset at anyone, it should be him. Not the rest of the world.” 

“That’s not fair.” Zac said, getting up from the floor, frowning. “You can’t just say that to me. You’re supposed to be my girlfriend!” 

I arched a brow at him. This guy has lost his ever living mind. What universe is he on? I'll not that down as a mental note to never visit. 

“Babe, please.” I sighed, and shoved my notebook off of my lap. I stood up in front of him, and reached in between his arms to hug him. Surprisingly, he didn’t move away from me, accepted, and returned the hug. “I know you’re hurting, but it’s not healthy to do this to yourself. Please try.” 

I looked up at him as I finished, and he nodded down at me, kissing me gently. The only thing that seemed to help him these days was sweets, which I wasn't opposed to. 

“Come on.” I said, picking his keys up. “Let’s go get you some ice cream. I’ll drive.” 

His smile returned, and we ducked through the bedroom window out to the car. My parents were home and they knew he was with me, but something about that window gave me the small tinge of rebellion my teenage self always craved. 

Zac tickled me from behind on my sides as we faced towards the car, laughing. The light was coming back into him slowly, reminding me why I fell in love with him and why I kept persisting the relationship, despite all that’s happened. 

*****

We pulled up to the Dairy Queen drive thru, music low, and got our usual banana split to share, double chocolate fudge on top.

"Thanks." Zac said to my right. "I know I'm a pain sometimes." 

"You are not a pain, babe. Trust me. I love you." I smiled at him. 

He booped me on the nose and turned the radio up, the sounds of Whatta Man by Salt n Pepa coming through the speakers. I watched as he sang along, frequent boops flying at my nose every few seconds, both of us laughing hysterically. 

"Stop! You're gonna make me pee!" I laughed, holding myself. 

"Who says I don't want you to?!" He laughed at me, his head throwing back into laughter.

After a few moments, I paid for our ice cream, him protesting the whole time, but I refused to allow it. He eventually rescinded. 

We were both in good spirits while indulging on the confection in front of us on the picnic tables outside of the restaurant, leaving the car running so we could still listen to music. We were making jokes like old times, and nobody seemed to bother us for the first time since all of this started. 

That was until the radio cut to a broadcast announcement:

“Taylor Hanson, pop-singer front man of the band Hanson, has replaced the pianist for a different band in Nashville. Their first gig is Friday night. The band going by the name of Bookish Fiends will be playing at The Station Inn, doors at 7PM.” 

“What the fuck!” Zac yelled, slamming his fists down on either side of our banana split, remnants of ice cream from his full spoon in his left hand causing a flurry of stickiness all around the bowl and on us.

I cringed. 

Just when we were getting somewhere. 

I thought of considering this as a bad thing for a moment. Taylor had moved on, he was starting another life somewhere else, without Zac, and how much that must really hurt. But on the other hand, I considered it a good idea to perhaps go to the show, see how he was doing, possibly turn all of this into something positive for a change. 

Besides, I had Zac now. Without the fuckery of Taylor getting in the way and the bull in a China shop mentality that sociopath seemed to have. 

Before I really met Taylor, everything with Zac was for the most part, okay. I still had deep seated regret in a revenge hook-up with him in his car, but that was now hindsight. I wanted Zac now and forever, and I was determined to make it right. No more hard feelings, no more bullshit. 

“Zac, I have an idea.” I said, looking up from the mess he’d made, to the hurt look on his face. He seemed to ignore me at first, but he finally found me again and looked back at me. 

“What?” He asked, dropping his spoon and pulling his hair up into a ponytail. Something I’d noticed he would do when he was having an anxiety attack.

“Why don’t we go? To the show?” I asked him, shrugging. 

He was taken aback. I don’t think he’d considered the idea of that at all. It seemed as if he were planning on stewing on this until the cows came home, just so he’d have something to be pissed off about until Taylor somehow showed his face back in Tulsa.

“Yeah. I think we should.” Zac sneered. “Just so I can give him a piece of my fucking mind!” 

I watched him get up from the picnic table, eyeing the ice cream again. He swiped it off of the table and onto the concrete. He then slammed himself into the car, and hung his head out of the window just long enough to say “Well let’s go!” 

Fucking party foul, dude. Who does that to poor innocent ice cream? I frowned down at it for a moment before shaking my head and getting into the driver’s seat and looking over at him. He was tapping his left leg impatiently with a pen and staring out the window, avoiding eye contact with me. 

I started the engine back up, pulled out of the Dairy Queen parking lot back home to get clothes, and to the highway. 

Destination: Nashville. 

*****

“Hey Mom, um.. So.. you know how Taylor left?” I asked my Mom on a call I’d made to her around 2AM, biting my nails as I sat on a hotel bed in Nashville, Zac in the shower. 

“Like I could forget.” Mom huffed. 

Zac had been staying over our house a lot these days ever since all of the business with Hanson being no more went down. 

Our parents had agreed it was fine once they realized who he actually was. The first time my father had met him, he thought he was just some random whacko off the streets. I’m sure it had everything to do with the money his parents offered us to keep him safe, though. 

My parents had not taken a vacation in at least a decade and Tulsa was the first place they had considered buying a house in. So, they decided that with the generous sum given to them, they would do just that. In exchange, they didn't really bother Zac and I. But I knew that even with that, my Mom wasn't going to be okay with this. 

“Well, he decided to start up his own band in Nashville. So, to make Zac feel better, possibly get them to move past feud, I drove us there. The show is tomorrow night.”

“So you just picked up and left with a teenage boy rockstar that we barely know, and jumped two state lines without even so much as asking me?!” Mom yelled into the phone. I cringed at the loudness, pulling the phone away from my ear. 

“I’m afraid so.” I winced. “I’m so sorry! It’s just he was going out of control and-” 

“Lydia. When do you say when? Ever? At any point? Or is this going to be Chris 2.0?!” Mom yelled once more. 

“How dare you bring his name up to me!” I yelled back at her. 

My chest started heaving with anger and I was seeing spots. Apologies be fucking damned.

"I'm sorry." She sighed into the phone. "You're right. But when you get back? You're both grounded." 

"Whatever. Love you." I said, snapping my phone shut. 

Why is it when you do something with no ill intentions, you find yourself grounded anyway? God I hate parents sometimes. 

Zac came out of the shower a moment later, a small white wash rag just covering his naughty place. 

"What the fuck?" I asked him, laughing and shaking my head. 

"There were NO towels! Just these tiny things!" He replied back, laughing on the verge of tears. "I guess you'll need three of them. Cause you are not covering those titties with this tiny thing!" 

"You realize you just called your dick small, right?" I snorted at him. He scoffed at me and tossed the tiny washcloth at me, and I fell back onto the bed with laughter hard enough I thought I might throw up. 

If this is what love is, I don't want it to ever end.


	37. Chapter 37

Zac

Taylor's show was tonight and the traffic was terrible. We were gridlock just outside the downtown limits, horns blaring. Stupid me, for waiting until the last minute and making us sit in five o'clock traffic. As if the anxiety of seeing Taylor again wasn't enough. 

I looked over at Lydia. She was twirling her hair, eating her sour gummy worms and doodling in her journal. If she was nervous at all, I couldn't tell. 

"GOD, GO!" I yelled, holding the horn down, as if that were to make any difference. 

"Well, someone wanted to be late." Lydia shrugged beside me, shaking her box of worms. Frowning when there were none left. "And now I have no more treats." She sighed. "This Hanson time shit has gotta stop." 

"I know you're not blaming me." I scoffed at her. "I had to look cute." 

"For who? Him or me?" Lydia asked me, sticking her tongue out. 

I wanted to take offense, but I knew I had that coming. She was probably right about it being for him. I could have worn a paper sack and had a better time than wearing this too hot button up shirt and slacks to a concert. 

"You, of course." I lied, rolling my eyes. 

"Sure, sure." Lydia laughed. "How far does MapQuest say we have left to go?" 

She snatched the paper from between us on the bench seat of the Cutlass and looked it over, then up ahead of us on the interstate, then back down at the paper.

“Take this next exit.” Lydia said, pointing over towards the right hand side of the road. 

I looked ahead of us where she pointed and pulled off onto the shoulder, bypassing at least thirty cars and merged onto the exit ramp.

“Hello illegal.” Lydia gasped, holding onto the handle on the door as we flew down the ramp, trying not to topple over onto me. I’d welcome it though. Our bedroom excitement was at its peak, and I’d begun to question who was hornier: her or me.

“Well, should have left your seatbelt on.” I smirked at her as we got to a stoplight, sitting in the right hand lane with my blinker on. 

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes at me, but reached over her shoulder and clicked it back on. “Just try not to kill us before we get there.”

“I make no promises, baby!” I yelled, squealing tires off of the line, and pulling into the concert venue, skidding to a halt in an okay spot from the doors.

“Zac! You’re not allowed to drive ever again!” Lydia yelled at me, reaching over for the keys to the ignition and turning it off, then took them and shoved them in her purse. “World’s worst driver I’ve ever seen.”

*****

We got decent spots inside the venue, the setup eerily similar to how we’d always set ours up. The single mic stand and foot pedals to the left, drums in the middle, a keyboard and congas to the right of the stage. 

“Wait a minute.” Lydia said, our hands interlocked as we stood about three rows back dead center. She was standing on her toes, surveying the stage. “This looks weirdly familiar, Zac.” She looked over at me, her jaw hanging slightly open.

“You noticed too, huh?” I asked her, and she nodded back at me, frowning. “Do you want a drink?” 

“Promise not to spill it on me?” She winked at me, and I shoved her shoulder playfully. She pulled my wallet out of her purse and handed it to me, since she’d held onto it for me. It was just easier that way. 

“Promise.” I smiled at her and pecked her lips before I disappeared towards the bar. 

I made my way through the crowd, a hundred excuse me’s coming from my mouth before I finally got to the clearing at the back of the venue. The bar was to right hand side. I stepped up to it, hoping a bartender would notice me soon so I could hurry up and get back before the show started. 

I gathered our drinks quickly, holding them over my head as I weaved my way through the crowd, each row getting more condensed than the last. 

“Zac?” A girl asked me gasping as I tried to get past her. She refused to move. 

“Yeah, what?” I asked her, bringing my arms down to my sides. 

“Came to see your brother, huh?” She asked me, too interested. 

I should have known I’d run into a fuckton of fans here, considering who was playing with them. 

“You could say that. If you’ll exc-” 

"Shame." She said cutting me off, taking a sip of her drink. "He's moved onto the next big thing. You? You'll forever be cast in his shadow." 

"You know what?" I snarled at her. 

"What's that? You gonna go write your own one man band rendition of MMMBop?"

So let's freeze frame for a second.

I was never one to speak what I really thought in my mind to anyone, but in that moment, I said fuck that. This was the turning point in my life that made me stop being the nice guy. The guy who always finished last. 

I lifted my cup up and tilted it over her head and then dropped it to the floor. She pulled her hands up as my soda rained down on either side of her head, and started screaming. Everyone around her was gasping and or laughing at her. 

I didn’t stick around. I pushed my way through the rest of the crowd, other cup in hand, and made my way back to Lydia. When I got to her, I grabbed her arm, both of us zipping through the crowd back to the exit. 

"Zac! What's going on?!" Lydia kept asking me while we moved through the crowd. "Where are we going?!" 

I didn't answer her. My heart was ringing in my ears, my sight was getting fuzzy, and I couldn't stop moving. 

We got to the doors of the venue, and then everything went black. 

*****

Taylor

The band members and I were huddled behind the curtain, everything going smooth. They kept clapping me on the back, telling me they owed their success to me and the hundreds of adoring fans that I’d brought along with my presence. It felt good. To know I hadn’t lost absolutely everything in my life. I still had my fame and my talent, and that was good enough for now.

“Mr. Hanson.” One of the security crew members came up to me from behind, patting me on the shoulder. 

I turned to face him with a smile, but it quickly faded when I saw he was with Lydia.

“Lydia!” I gasped. “What are you doing here?!” 

I brought her into a quick and looked at her. That’s when I noticed how upset she was. 

“It’s Zac. He’s -” 

“Zac’s here, too?” I cut her off, rubbing the side of her left arm as she nodded. “Where is he?”

“He..He passed out. In the parking lot. An ambulance just took him away.” She cried, wiping tears from her face.

“What?!” I shrieked, and pushed past security and out to the alleyway behind the venue. 

“Yo Taylor! We go on in five! Where are you going?!” My bandmates called after me, confused as Lydia and the security guard came up to where I was standing.

“I can’t play tonight guys, I’m sorry.” I said, reaching my hand out for Lydia to take, and she did so.

*****

Lydia and I jogged through the way too big parking lot of the venue. She lead us to Mom’s Cutlass and I took the opportunity of driving us to the hospital that I knew was only a couple of minutes from here. 

I must’ve ran through every single stop light on the way there, but I absolutely did not care. My brother had blacked out again, and I was thankful that Lydia didn’t meet her demise in the midst of it, just like Tonya.

“Are you okay?” I asked, turning to her as we parked the car on the second level of the parking garage. 

She shook her head.

“No. I’ve never seen him like that. Does this.. Does this happen a lot?” Lydia asked me, small tears sliding down her cheeks. 

I reached over and thumbed them way for her, her eyes trained on me.

“Only one other time that I know of.” I sighed, taking off my seatbelt. “But we figured - Well, we hoped that maybe it was a one time thing. Our parents don’t even know.” 

“What? How could you not tell them, Taylor?! What if he’d been driving and killed us both!” Lydia snapped at me, rubbing her eyes vigorously and stepping out of the car, slamming it behind her. 

I watched as she sprinted up to the sliding door of the hospital, looked both ways, then turned a corner. 

In this moment, I felt completely utterly responsible for his fate. After he’d told me what he’d been through, I never should have left him back in Tulsa alone without figuring this out. Now here we were at a hospital from a black out, the cause unknown. 

I let out a breath and let myself out of the car, grimacing at the possible outcome of tonight and what our future may hold not only for him, but for us, our family, and Hanson.


	38. Chapter 38

Zac

I was covered in blood. 

Panic set in. 

I checked myself over, but everything was accounted for. I looked around me, a bed to my left, a door to my right, blue carpet on the floor, now turned brown and caked with blood.

So much blood. 

I crawled around on the floor to the other side of the bed, my clothes now soaked through and stuck to my skin. My legs tired, aching, weak. 

When I rounded the corner there was a body on the floor in nothing but silk lacy lingerie. A girl. With brown hair, her eyes wide open, hazel in color. Her mouth was slightly open, blood pooling out of it. All around her. All around me. 

Her throat had been slit, it too cascading blood down her neck. The room filled with the smell of iron so thick it was hard to breathe. 

I covered my mouth and nose with and bent down over her, immersing myself into the forcefields of death as if she were a painting: Each angle giving you a different perspective than the last. 

There was a letter opener in her right hand, she'd gripped it tight enough to cut open her palm. There was an envelope in between the breasts of her lingerie. Sealed and meant to be read. 

When I reached down to grab it, a white light surrounded me, pulling me away. 

I opened my eyes, everything around me blurry and unrecognizable. The unmistakable sounds of a heart monitor filling the air. 

"Zac?" I heard a voice to my left. "Doctor! He's awake!" 

I blinked a few times, the white walls coming into focus, a small window, and blurs of people surrounding me on either side, a white coat at the end of the bed. 

"Good morning, Zachary, I'm Dr. Fowler." Someone said, my vision coming completely back now. 

I looked down at my feet, a doctor standing there, clipboard open and in his hands. 

"How are we feeling?" He asked me, clicking the pen he was holding.

"I'm in the hospital?" I asked, blinking a few more times. "How?" 

"Looks like you blacked out. We ran some tests while you were unconscious and it appears you're epileptic." Dr. Fowler explained, thumbing through the paperwork in front of him. 

"Eplileptic?" I asked him, confused, pushing myself up to sit. "What is that?" 

"It means you have seizures. You're out of control of your body at this point. But sometimes they're characteristics of blackouts. It's not a death sentence though, Zac. We do have medicines for this, to help control it. However I would like to admit you into the psych floor to monitor your symptoms a bit further." Dr. Fowler explained, 

"Stay? No I don't want to stay. I want to go home." I pleaded, sitting upright fully now. 

Maybe if they see I can do that I can leave. Hospitals are the worst and I was not ready to stay here any longer. 

"Baby, please." Lydia sighed to the left of me, holding my hand. "Please listen to him." 

I looked hard at her. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. Her eyes had bags under them, her hair a mess, her clothes dirty. 

"How...how long have I been asleep?" I asked her, then looked at the doctor. 

"Three days." Lydia frowned, looking down in her lap. "I haven't left your side. I couldn't." She shrugged. 

"Three days?!" I shouted, looking in between them. 

"Yes, Zac. That's why I want you in psych. Make sure nothing else is going on up there." He smiled weakly at me. "It'll all be okay." He patted my foot that was under the covers and went to the door, then turned to face me. "I'll have you moved up there soon." 

"Baby, he's right. it's gonna be okay. Had I known this had happened before I never would have -" 

"What are you talking about?" I asked her, confused. How would she know that? Unless -

"Hey I got us some cof-" 

"You told her?!" I yelled at Taylor who was standing in the doorway of my room, holding two coffees. 

"Well hello to you, too, Zac." Taylor scowled at me. "I guess your coma didn't help your attitude." He rolled his eyes. 

"How could you do that, Tay?" I asked him, my eyes following him as he moved around the bed to hand Lydia her coffee which she gratefully accepted, holding it with both hands and bringing it to her face. 

"What else was I supposed to do?!" He asked angrily, plopping down hard in a chair to the right of my bed. "You were face down in the Goddamned parking lot! She had to come get me. I canceled my show!" 

"Oh. So sorry I ruined your big moment." I sneered at him, rolling my eyes. "Thanks but no thanks, Taylor." 

"You two both need to shut the fuck up." Lydia snapped to my left. 

We both looked at her expectedly. 

"What?" I asked her. Her face meant business. I couldn't tell if it was just from lack of sleep or what. 

"You heard me." She said, leaning forward closer to me. "I've been worried about you for days! Never left your side. Now you're awake, and cursing your brother out not five minutes after. Because he told me something you should have told me WEEKS ago. What if it happened with you driving? What if you killed us?!" Lydia yelled, now standing and heaving her breaths. 

Gotta tell ya. It was turning me on. Pretty sure something was definitely wrong with me. Like I had some sort of abuse kink. 

"I'm sorry." I said flatly. "I was wrong.. I should have told you." 

"Thank you." They both said in unison. 

"Now what?" I asked them, my stomach growling, filling the room with noise. 

We all chuckled a little bit, then found two nurses coming into my room to take me upstairs. 

"Ugh, do I have to? I just want a taco or something." I groaned. 

"I'll bring you one." Lydia smiled, patting my hand. "See you soon." 

*****

During the day, my mind was static. I didn't have any intrusive thoughts. None that would bother me. Most of my time awake, Lydia kept me occupied with games, books, and TV. The time passed by rather quickly, considering the circumstances. 

At night though, I would think about what I kept seeing while I was in my coma. The blood, the letter opener, the slit throat, and Tonya. 

What did it all mean? 

Why did I keep seeing this? 

I wanted to ask questions, but frankly I was so worried about the answers I couldn't bring myself to do it. 

The only person who knew every and anything about me, was Taylor. Maybe if I told him about the dreams he could make better sense about it than I could? I figured I would just ask him whenever I would get the next opportunity. 

*****

"Ready to go home?" Lydia asked me as the nurse brought in a wheelchair. 

"Fucking finally!" I beamed. The wheelchair was really a sight for sore eyes. The nurse laughed and patted the seat, welcoming me into it. 

I plopped myself down into it and patted my lap, eyeing her. 

"I don't think that's a good idea, Zac." Lydia frowned at me, then looked up at the nurse. 

"Hey don't look at me. I don't care either way." She grinned. 

"You heard her! Get over here." I smiled, holding my arms out to her. 

She chuckled softly and slowly lowered herself into my lap, tucking her legs in. I held her close, her arms wrapped around my neck. 

"Well aren't you two sweet." She laughed behind us, and began pushing us down the long corridor and out of the hospital. "I wish I had a love like that." 

I kissed the top of Lydia's forehead, hoping that this diagnosis and the meds they'd given me was the ending of a dark future.


	39. Chapter 39

Taylor 

After Zac came out of his coma and was diagnosed as an epileptic, I felt like I could partially rest easy that it wasn't really anything serious. Though, my ignorance didn't exactly know what all that involved, but I knew enough about it in the medical books that I'd read in the past. The most debilitating part would be severe caution while driving, which, he didn't really do much of that anyway. At least not very far. 

When Zac persisted to shut me out, I started to realize I would never get him back. In a sick, twisted way, part of me hoped he wouldn’t remember Lydia at all, only me. I wanted him to have amnesia so bad that I was the only one he would recall any memories of. Just the idea of having him all to myself was so far fetched that I knew that could only be a dream, a fantasy. 

There were a couple of times that I had tried to come by to visit him when he was moved up to the psych floor. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how much I missed him, how much I wanted to say to forget this life, Lydia doesn't love you like I do.

But every time I tried, she was there. 

Lydia was constantly waiting on him hand and foot, never really letting me get a word in edgewise. Side eyeing me all the while. There were a few times where I'd offered to get him things, but Lydia already had them. Saying things like "That's okay, Taylor, I have it taken care of." I never really understood how that was possible if she never really left his side, but it was obvious she was no stranger to his wants and desires. He was starting to feel like a stranger to me now. 

I was now second best. 

I was almost asleep when I saw a man in a white coat at the doorway and turned my head towards him. He motioned with his hand for me to meet him out into the hallway. I did so, and continued to follow him until we’d gotten to the nurses station. 

"Are you the brother?" His doctor had asked me while Zac remained comatose, leaning against the counter. Lydia remained at Zac’s side, asleep with her head lying down on top of her hands on his side of the bed. 

“Yeah, yeah I am.” I answered him, shoving my hands in my pockets, looking from the entryway of Zac’s room to the doctor’s face. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I’m Doctor Fowler.” He said putting his clipboard down onto the counter, extending his hand out to me. “And you are?”

Why does that last name sound so familiar? 

“Taylor.” I said, pulling my left hand out of my pocket, and shook his hand.

“Well, Taylor. That all depends on what you can tell me.” He said, opening his clipboard up and began writing. He looked up at my expectedly, not taking his pen off the paper.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” I frowned, pushing my hand down on the red beanie I was wearing on my head. The hospitals were always way too cold for their own good.

“Let’s start with whether or not these blackouts have happened before.” Dr. Fowler said, waving his pen around. “Recently? At all?” 

I was afraid to say too much but too little. As much as Zac had pissed me off, I didn’t want to lose him forever or get him into any more trouble than he was already in. 

“Once.” I replied, swallowing hard. “That I know about, anyway.” 

“And when was that?” Dr. Fowler asked, looking down at his paper, scribbling furiously.

“Um..a few weeks ago?” I answered, watching his hand move across the paper. “November 2nd, I believe.”

His writing instantly stopped, and he looked up at me, his brows dangerously close to one another. 

“Did you say the second of November?” Dr. Fowler asked me, searching my eyes, the grip on his pen increasing, knuckles white.

“Yeah..Why?” I asked him, licking my lips and pressing them together. 

He stared at me for a moment longer and let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his hand over his face. The nurse sitting at her station, snapped her head up and looked at the two of us, nervousness on her face. You could cut the tension with a knife and I didn’t know what the problem was. What was so special about that date to him?

“Are you okay, Doctor?” The nurse asked, standing up and putting her hand over his with the pen in it.

He looked over at her then and nodded quickly, then turned and left us both there. The nurse shook her head sympathetically, and pulled Zac’s file down from the counter. Dr. Fowler had pressed the pen so hard on the paper, that there was a gaping hole in part of it.

“What’s going on?” I asked her, leaning forward over the counter. “Is he alright?”

She looked up at me with sad eyes.

“That’s the day his daughter went missing.” She sighed, shaking her head and closing the clipboard. “But of course you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” She smirked at me.  
I instantly felt like I was going to be sick; my pulse ramped up, anxiety full blown, mouth cotton. Now I understood why the name was familiar and why he’d looked at me the way he did. 

He was Tonya’s father. 

*****

I knew too much. 

I didn't want to rat out my brother and spill everything that he'd told me to the police, even though I should have. Tonya's family was grieving a daughter, hoping, wishing, and praying she was still alive - but I knew differently. Even though I had no part in her disappearance, or even her murder, my conscience weighed heavily with guilt. I knew what happened and I chose not to say anything. 

Does that make me an accomplice? I didn't know. 

The only real solution that seemed like I was capable of doing, was disappearing.

So I did.

“Natalie? It’s Taylor.” I frowned into the phone, sitting on the bed in the hotel room. 

I’d been renting one out since I'd gotten to Nashville, unsure of whether or not this city was my permanent residence. The room was filled to the brim with musical equipment. 

I'd had my family shipped out to me my Kurzweil keyboard and conga drums that microphone and its stand, and a dozen other smaller items. They were once needed for the band that I'd now quit before my first opening gig. This was the most depressing notion of my life: only eighteen years old, and two bands gone because of me, and me alone. 

“Hey Tay. How are you?” Natalie replied, sounding sad. I could tell she was smiling over the phone. “Are you okay? I heard about Zac, I'm so sorry.” 

“I’m okay." I sighed, not wanting to talk about him. "But um..are you home? In Georgia?” I asked her, not revealing my intentions. 

If Zac was going to move on without me, then I suppose I had to do the same. Natalie was one of the only constants in my life that never changed. She was always available whenever I needed her and never put me on the back burner. Her sweetness carried over into everything she did, and I desperately needed that more than ever. 

“Yes, Taylor. Where else would I be, silly?” Natalie chuckled.

“Right. Well, I’d like to come visit. See Georgia.” I smiled weakly. “Be with you.” 

“Of course. I’d love to have you!” Natalie beamed.

“Perfect. See you soon.” I replied, and hung up the phone.

The cab pulled me up into Natalie’s parent’s driveway and she was already outside. She was sitting on the porch swing on the giant wrap around porch, holding a small piglet. 

Her parents owned an old Victorian house, farm animals abundant on the property. 

When I opened the cab door, all I could hear in the distance were tiny pig squeals in the distance, pulling my lips up into a smile; the first real one in awhile. There was just something warming being on a farm with all of the tiny animals around your feet. 

I turned around and headed up the walkway, a suitcase in either hand, Natalie smiling over at me from swing on the left side of the porch. 

“Well hello stranger.” Natalie greeted me, standing up off of the swing and meeting me halfway and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, piglet between our chests. She stepped back and held it up to my face. “This is Wilbur.” 

“Like from Charlotte’s Web?” I arched a brow at her, looking down at the tiny piglet in her hands, squawking. I patted his little head and chuckled. “He’s pretty cute.” 

“Not as cute as you.” Natalie flirted with me, and looped my arm with hers, leading us towards the front door.

“I am pretty cute.” I smirked, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. I unlooped our arms and picked up my luggage, following them inside. 

I suppose this isn’t so bad, living my life without Zac at my every beckon call. If he could be that someone before, Natalie could be that too if I’m willing to try.


	40. Chapter 40

Lydia

A month after getting home from Tulsa, I was still finding myself watching Zac sleep, afraid that he’d die in the middle of the night next to me. The doctors assured me it would never be like that, but seeing him going from a full run to hitting the pavement with his face shook something in me. I’d never seen anything like that before, especially with someone I was irrevocably in love with. 

He was my best friend. There was no way I wanted to be on this Earth without him. 

I knew that before I’d even met him, watching him on stage, pouring his heart out to millions through song. 

The fans around their house had dwindled down to next to nothing, so he was able to go back home, but he still managed every single night to climb through my window. We would hold each other until we passed out from absolute exhaustion from talking all night about anything that came across our minds. 

“Morning.” Zac fluttered his eyes at me, looking at me smiling, our noses inches from each other. 

“Morning.” I smiled back at him. He pulled me in close to him, hugging each other on our sides, legs intertwined with each other. 

This was our morning routine since we got home; our bodies threaded within each other, wishing we could melt into one another because pressed against one another just wasn’t close enough. 

We hadn’t heard a word from Taylor since he disappeared before Zac’s release at the hospital, but his mother assured us that he was fine, staying with Natalie. 

The idea of it sent Zac over the edge some days. 

How he could just pick up and leave us all like nothing ever mattered. That none of us were good enough for him to stay and be a family, keep the band going, or even so much as be civilized with one another.

Radio silence was one of Zac’s biggest pet peeves; he always wanted to know what was on your mind, whether it be good or bad. So for his best friend to just up and leave without so much as saying goodbye to him, or seeing him out of the hospital, it really crushed him and made him question everything from his entire life. 

“Breakfast?” I asked Zac while my face was nuzzled in the crook of his neck. He giggled like a child, shoulder lighting up with goosebumps.

“Stop it! It tickles!” He cringed, crumpling his body up around me, shaking his head quickly, his nearly waist length hair whipping me in the face. 

I let go of him and crawled out of bed, but as soon as I stepped on the floor, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back down on it, hovering over my face. His hair cascading all around me. 

“I love you.” Zac whispered, then kissed me lazily, both hands on the sides of my face. “So much.” 

“I love you too.” I smiled at him, pecking his lips in between each word. “Now let me up so I can feed you.”

“I’m having breakfast right now.” He smirked at me, passionately nibbling my lips, then moved down to my chin, neck, and breasts. 

“Zac no, really!” I giggled, attempting to push him away. I was still sore from the night before and my stomach had been bothering me a lot these days. I really didn’t know what was up with that, but pushed it off to just eating like hell whenever I would get the chance to. Fortunately, it was winter break and I didn’t have any school work to do until after the first of the year. 

Christmas was in a few days, and Zac seemed to be pushing any sense of responsibility out of the window, hoping it would just pass us by without any recollection that Taylor would most likely not be there.

“Alright, alright.” Zac sighed, standing up and reached his hand out to me, pulling me to my feet. 

I got to my door and pulled my robe down to put it on, Zac swatting my butt before I could make it out of the room. 

For the first time since I couldn't remember when, I was actually happy. I just hoped Zac was too. 

*****

It was Christmas morning. All of us were together opening presents at the Hanson's, laughter, wrapping paper and eggnog flying around the living room. 

They'd made me feel like I was a part of the family since I'd brought Zac home from Nashville. His parents knew how much Taylor had always been his best friend so it made sense for us to try and bring him home. Nevertheless, they were still broken up that he hasn't come home, too. 

"Mama!" Zoe yelled, holding up a box in gold wrapping with a giant red bow on top, running over to Diana. 

Diana's face crumpled, and she sadly took it from her. She held it in her hands, running her fingers over the bow. Walker was next to her on the couch, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

"It's okay, dear." He soothed, holding his wife close, kissing the top of her head. "We'll just mail it to him." 

She looked up at him and nodded, setting it down on the coffee table. 

"Mama where's Taylor?" Zoe asked her, bouncing on her toes, her hands on her mother's knees. "When's he coming back?"

"He's on a trip. I don't know when he'll be back, baby." She sighed, patting her youngest's hand.

"Come on, Zo! Let's play with your new toys!" Zac beamed at her, picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. 

She giggled and squirmed as he tickled her before he got back over to the tree and set her down. 

Taylor once again, forgotten. 

*****

It was late that night, Christmas dinner over, and everyone was off to bed. 

I had decided that since my parents were off on their well deserved vacation for the holiday, I'd just ride the couch. 

There was nothing sadder than being alone for the holidays, and his family knew that. 

Diana had given me more than enough blankets and fixed it up nice for me, before she headed off herself. 

The only lights lit in the room was the rainbows of colors from the Christmas tree. I lay there staring at it under the multitude of comforters trying to fathom that this is my present. The anguish and hostility we'd been through to get to this point, at the time, didn't feel worth it. But now that I was here, I felt at peace. 

I rolled over, my body colliding with another. It appeared that sometime during the night, Zac had shimmied his way underneath my covers next to me. As he always did. A low snore emanating through him. 

Just as I was comfortable and falling back asleep, I heard a rustling at the front door. I blinked rapidly, trying to get my eyes to adjust well enough to see the door better from across the room, grateful for the Christmas tree lights. 

I heard it again. 

"Zac!" I whispered, shaking him. He didn't stir. "Zac!" 

"What!" He replied back. "What do you want?!" 

The noise happened again, only this time louder, and the door flew open. Zac and I sat up hastily then, yanking the covers up to our noses. A silhouette stood in the front door entryway. A robber on Christmas?

They took a few steps forward, shaking the snow out of their hair, coming into the light. 

"Hey guys." Taylor chuckled, looking between us shaking his head. 

"Taylor!" Zac smiled and scrambled up off of the couch and ran into his arms. They stood there and hugged each other tightly. "It's a Christmas miracle!" 

They were happy, and I was pissed.


	41. Chapter 41

Zac

My brothers home and everyone is more than thrilled. That is, except for Lydia. She wanted no part of him back into our lives, and I was trying to show her that now everything was going to be different. Natalie was here with him for the holiday, so really what could go wrong? 

"Zac, I'm over it." Lydia huffed, crossing her arms, watching Taylor as he held onto Natalie across the room, stealing glances over at us. "I don't believe he's different." 

"Lydia, he's my brother." I sighed, looking down at the cocoa in my hands my Mom had made, my gaze wandering up at the fire Taylor built for us. "Can we just get along for the sake of the holiday?" 

"I'd rather be alone at my house than here with him. I'm not an idiot, Zac." She rolled her eyes and stood from her spot on the sofa. 

I groaned and set my cup of cocoa on the coffee table, pushing my hair back as I stood. She was already at the door grabbing her purse when Natalie walked up to her. She was whispering something in her ear, Lydia looking at the floor shaking her head. She pulled open the door and shut it before I even got halfway across the room. 

"What did you say to her?" I asked Natalie as she turned, walking back to her place with Taylor. 

She stopped suddenly, and folded her arms. 

"Girl talk, Zac. Don't worry about it." Natalie smiled at me, patting my shoulder, and went back over to him. He arched a brow at her and then at me. 

Even I was starting to feel like a stranger to him. 

He'd barely said a paragraph to me since he'd been home, and had planned to leave again in a couple of days to go back to Georgia. Apparently he preferred there to here, but that felt like a joke. Ever since we were kids, he'd never even dreamed of calling anywhere else home. 

Maybe Lydia was right in some aspects. Maybe he was up to no good. 

I called Lydia dozens of times since she'd left, straight to voicemail. As much as I didn't want to suffocate her and that she was allowed to have her feelings, I started cursing Taylor under my breath. 

He didn't even have to do anything. 

Just his mere presence was drifting us apart. I was so happy to have him back when he first got here, and now, I just wished he would leave. 

We were all sitting around the dinner table in the dining room, discussing things here and there, nothing of great importance, when we heard a glass clinking. 

All of us turned to the right side of the table, Taylor was standing there with his glass up, a butter knife in his hand. 

"I'd like everyone's attention, please." He smirked, and set down his butter knife on the table. All of us silenced ourselves and looked at him expectedly, waiting for him to continue. 

"Natalie, if you would." He said, and she stood up next to him. 

He put his arm around her and looked over everyone at the table, his eyes stopping at me as he spoke. 

"Everyone. We're uh.." he looked down from our gaze at the table. Natalie nudged him in his side, her face glowing. Taylor looked back at her, and nodded. "We're having a baby." 

My jaw dropped. 

He's been gone for a month and he's having a baby. What the fuck? 

My Moms water glass tipped over, spilling it all over the linen tablecloth, my Dad frozen, the rest of the table emitting cheers all around. Of course, the kids were too young to realize what real impact this was. 

"You've got to be kidding me." I stated, looking directly at Taylor. His eyes glazed over and his cheeks reddened. Natalie snapped her head towards me, scowling. 

"My thoughts exactly." Ike said to my left, getting up from the table. "Typical fucking Taylor." He threw his napkin down over his plate and pushed his chair in. 

My parents then got up too, myself, following suit. 

"I'm so disappointed in you, Taylor." My mom sobbed. "So disappointed." 

All the kids voices stifled then, slowly retreating from the table, Mom grabbing Zoe's hand and lead them out to the living room. 

"So you quit the band, get another band which you also quit, and now you got a girl pregnant?!" Dad yelled, both Natalie and Taylor grimacing. 

"Dad I-" 

"No." Dad said, pointing at Taylor. "It's my turn to talk and you listen. Have a seat." Taylor and Natalie both sat down tentatively, eyes down on the table. 

Ike and I were standing at the other side of the table, our arms crossed. I glanced over at Ike, he was mimicking the same level of disappointment as Dad. I felt the same way. Next level bullshit was always coming from Taylor. 

"You two." He motioned between the two of them. "Are getting married." 

Taylor and Natalie snapped their heads up in my dad's direction, their mouths hanging open. 

"Dad, but-" Taylor started to explain but Dad slammed his hand on the table. 

"Listen to me. You will do as I say or you can forget about being ever welcome back here. You've put this family through so much shit, and we've all had it." Dad said, leaning across the table at Taylor's eye level. 

Taylor slowly looked up at him, his eyes filled with anger, then shook his head. 

"Come on Natalie." Taylor said, standing up from the table. "We don't need this." He spat, then grabbed her hand, pulling themselves up from the table. 

"You walk out that door, Taylor, don't ever come back." Dad yelled at his back. 

Taylor waved his hand in the air, and slammed the front door behind him and Natalie. 

Dad stood there, staring at the closed door, motionless for a moment. He turned to Ike and I, shaking his head. 

"Where did we go wrong with him?" Dad sighed, his eyes glossy, rubbing his forehead. "I wish he were more like you two." 

*****

The wind and rain had pulled in another level of chill in the air, fogging up the windows in the car, making it hard to see very well. I kept fiddling with the defrost knob in Mom’s Cutlass, but it didn’t really kick in until I’d pounded my fist on the dashboard. 

It was only a five mile drive to Lydia’s house, but it felt like it was taking forever to get there. I hit every stoplight, and the train decided to come just at the moment I’d tried to cross the tracks. 

By the time I’d pulled up to her house, it was nearly eleven at night. I ran up to the door and knocked quickly, my breath covering everything in front of me with vapor. I watched my breath for what felt like an eternity, still no answer at the door. The rain was pouring down and I didn’t want to go around to her window with it like this. I pulled my phone out of my jacket, flipping it open, and dialed her number. Still straight to voicemail. 

I stood there for a moment longer, contemplation on what to do next, until I saw a car’s headlights showing up on the vinyl siding of her house. I turned around, shielding my eyes from the lights until they’d shut off, trying to figure out who was here so late. 

“Zac!” Taylor yelled as he’d opened his drivers side door, his windshield wipers at high speed. “She’s not here!”

“What?!” I yelled back at him over the rain. He shook his head and slammed the door to the rental car, jogging up to me in the rain, meeting me on the covered porch. 

“She’s not here.” Taylor sniffed, his nose red from the cold, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

“What? Where is she?” I asked him.

“She’s at Kate’s.” Taylor said matter of factly, shrugging.

“Why..What? Why is she at Kate’s?” I asked him, shaking my head. He had to be wrong. Why would she be there? Especially after the way she’d left us at the hotel.

Taylor shrugged again. 

“I don’t know. But I can take you?” Taylor offered, jutting his thumb to the rental. 

“Why would I want to do that? After all the shit you put us through, what makes you think I want or need your help, Taylor?” I snarled at him, running down the steps back to Mom’s car, my feet squishing on the grass beneath my shoes.

“Zac! Please!” Taylor yelled behind me, but I didn’t give a shit. Something was going on and as usual, he was in the middle of it. “I know you still love me. Just admit it!” 

Lydia was right, as I expected her to be. I should’ve left with her when I had the opportunity to. I should’ve never stayed behind just for the sake of a holiday.

Taylor was pounding on my driver’s side window yelling my name. I could barely see him through the condensation, but the emotions he wore were filled with damage. I shook my head at him and started the ignition, pulling away from him as he stood there in the rain and drove to Kate’s. 

I didn’t know what would lead her there, the day after Christmas, but I was going to find her, and save her before someone else tore us apart.


	42. Chapter 42

Lydia 

After I’d slammed the door on the Hanson’s house, I decided there was nowhere I’d rather be than to be at home alone with my thoughts. 

Just a day ago, I was finally at peace, Zac and I were happier than ever. Now, Taylor blows into town as if to remind us all that we’re the backseat to his sociopathic bullshit. Quite frankly, it was pretty pathetic and I just knew that he had an ulterior motive for showing back up. 

The part that wasn’t sitting well with me was that after all Taylor had done to his family, to us, Zac still managed to play “buddy-buddy” with him. Taylor almost single-handedly dissolved our relationship and that didn’t seem to matter as much to Zac, as it did to me. 

Was I supposed to just sit there and watch the world burn around us with him there? 

I think the fuck not.

When I got onto the main road to go back home my cell phone rang in my purse. I dug it out, and flipped it open pressing it to my ear, expecting it to be Zac.

“What?” I asked sternly, putting my turn signal on to pull into my neighborhood. 

“Is that anyway to talk to someone who gave you what you wanted?” Kate cooed into my ear. 

Really? What is this? Abuse the fuck out of Lydia, week? 

“Hi, Kate.” I sighed, pulling onto my road. “What do I owe the pleasure?”

“Come to my house. I want to talk to you.” She said as I pulled into the driveway, raindrops started to hit the windshield of my parents car I’d been using while they were out of town.

“Isn’t that what we’re already doing?” I rolled my eyes, sitting back in the seat. 

“I need to see you in person.” She sneered. “Now.”

“Is it really that imp-”

“I wouldn’t call you if it wasn’t.” She sighed, "1043 Mulberry. Be here in 10.” She replied, disconnecting the call. 

The last thing I wanted was to see her smug stupid little face after what I’d dealt with already tonight. But she was right. She did coax me into getting Zac. So I suppose whatever it was, I’d have to do something for her in return. 

What else did I expect? 

Her to just do that for me and her not to come asking for a favor? I knew better.

I put the car into reverse, looking over my shoulder at the road, mumbling under my breath, “Fucking bullshit.”

*****

I ducked out of the car, it pouring down raining now, and ran up to her porch. I knocked on the door, turning and looking back at the road. It was so foreign to be alone after the past month of being with Zac constantly, next to me, providing me the air to breathe. 

Without him, I felt so naked, alone, and afraid. I didn’t know how to be me, anymore. I wanted to leave, run to the car, and tell him I was wrong. But my gut instinct was not to do it. To let him figure it out without me there telling him what to do. 

“Well, hello darling.” Kate smiled from behind me. 

My stomach clenched as I turned around, pulling a big brave, yet fake, smile on for her. 

“Hey.”

“Come on in.” She said, holding the door open wider for me to go inside. Turns out Kate and her brother lived alone in a small log cabin styled home. The inside of the walls were all natural colored wood, black leather sofas and a bear skin rug in the living room. To be truthful, I didn’t see that coming at all. 

“So what did you need?” I turned to face her as she made her way into the kitchen, opening the fridge. She took out a couple cans of soda from the fridge, extending me one. “Thanks.” 

“Can’t a girl just want her friend over?” She smirked at me, popping the tab on her Sprite and taking a long sip. 

“Sure.” I said, drinking a couple sips of mine, and set it down on the counter. 

Kate let out a soft chuckle, and grabbed my hand as she’d done so many times before, leading me down the hall and into what I presumed to be her bedroom. 

Of course she had a Zebra print comforter. Of course. It was so Kate.

She pulled us to the bed and she’d sat on down it, pulling open her side table drawer. When her hands came out, a brown wooden box was in them. She set it down on her nightstand next to her blue and purple lava lamp and cordless wall phone. 

“So.” Kate said, then turned to me. “I need you to help me with something. That’s why I called you over here. But, we’re going to have to get our hands dirty.” She pulled me down to sit down on the bed next to her.

She gave me one of her trademarked wicked smiles, and put her hand on my right thigh. I looked down at her long fingers, polished black, as they wrapped around my leg. I swallowed hard and looked up at her again. Something told me she didn’t want me to braid her hair, heh. 

“Do you know what’s in this box?” Kate asked me, lifting it off the nightstand and set it on her lap, looking over at me. 

“No...what is it?” I asked her, my voice cracking. She smirked at me, tucking my hair behind my ear.

She said nothing, but opened the box, a small letter opener in it, covered in blood stains. 

“A letter opener?” I asked her, my eyes still focused on it. “Am I supposed to know something?”

Kate let a low laugh out and reached inside the box, picking it up, holding it in front of my face. 

“This.. is a murder weapon.” Kate said matter of factly. “What you see here?” She said, pointing to the red stains on it. “Are blood stains of a victim.” 

“What? Like a real person?” I asked her, jumping off of the bed. She licked her lips seductively, laughing as she put it back in its box and set the box back on the nightstand.

Kate rose from the bed and came towards me once more. Every step backwards I took, she followed. Soon, we were against the wall, her closing the gap between us.

“I gave you what you wanted, right?” Kate said, kissing my lips. “You owe me something in return.” 

“Wh-What.. Do you want me to do?” I squeaked out, my heartbeat in my ears as her breasts pushed up against my chest.

“Kill for me.” She said sweetly, kissing me again. 

“What?” I breathed, my eyes frantically searching hers. 

“Kill for me, sweetie.” Kate cooed, wrapping her arms around my neck. 

“Who do you want me to kill?” I asked her, swallowing hard again. I could swear she could feel my heartbeat against her own chest. I was sure it would pop out of me at any second.  
“Taylor.” She said, more sternly, pressing her lips to my forehead. She leaned back again, and looked at me, then left me again for the box.

“This letter opener?” She said, pointing down at its closed position. “This letter opener killed someone’s daughter.” 

“Who’s?” I asked her wincing, keeping myself pressed against the wall, afraid to know the answer.

“You know Zac’s doctor back in Nashville? Dr. Fowler? It was his daughter. It happened back in early November when they were on tour. Zac killed her. But now, Taylor knows… and Taylor plans on telling the police about this. You see… that’s the reason he came back. To frame Zac. To get the murder weapon. To end your blissful happiness!” Kate shouted, every word she said taking another breath out of me.

“Zac killed someone?” I asked her, my knees threatening to buckle underneath me. “You want me to kill Taylor?” 

“That’s what I said sweetie.” Kate smiled sweetly again, sitting on the bed and digging through her nightstand again, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one.

“What’s in it for you?” I questioned, biting on my lower lip. 

“He’s made my best friend pregnant, and well, I can’t have that. You see.. He was with me first. I want revenge where it’s due. I tried fucking his brother but you see, that didn’t work. Taylor never came back to me. He’s left me no choice.” She sneered, flicking her ashes into her strawberry shaped ashtray. 

I stood there for a moment, frozen, paralyzed. The anger I’d had in my gut for Taylor was growing every day. He pulled Zac and I apart multiple times. He kept wanting to start another fight every second he got and my God, was he ever selfish.

I understood her anger. 

Taylor was the reason for everything. She never had any animosity towards me. It was all Taylor. I just happened to get caught in the crossfire. 

“What do you say?” Kate asked me, exhaling on her cigarette.

“Okay.” I nodded. “Let’s kill that mother fucker.”


	43. Chapter 43

Zac

When I got to Kate's house, Lydia's car was in fact in her driveway. Without contemplation, I jumped out of the car and let myself in her house. I knew Kate, she never left anything locked; her legs or her doors. 

I crossed the threshold, nothing showing anyone was here outside of the two soda cans on the counter in the kitchen. 

"Lydia?!" I called out, walking towards the hallway.

I heard low whispers as I got to the end, and stuck my head inside Kate's bedroom. 

Lydia and Kate were sitting on the floor, eating pizza out of the box and talking. 

"Lydia what are you doing?" I asked her, stepping up to them. 

They both turned their heads towards me, Lydia's face going slightly pale. 

"Hello, Zachary." Kate smiled at me as she swallowed her bite of food, patting the floor between the two of them. "Have a seat. We were just talking about you." 

"Lydia we should go." I said, shaking my head, ignoring the invitation. 

"Zac. You're being rude." Kate snapped. "Sit down." 

I rolled my eyes and sat down cross legged on the floor in between them, my eyes never leaving Lydia's. 

"Lyd...what's going on?" I asked her, resting my hand on her shoulder. 

Lydia looked at Kate for strength, which she then nodded back at her, and back at me. 

"I know." Lydia mumbled. "I know, Zac." 

Kate smirked at her and Lydia set her piece of pizza down back in the box, then turned to me. I looked between both of them, unsure of what they were talking about. 

"What do you know?" I asked, confused, and leaned back on my palms. 

"I know about Tonya." Lydia said, more strength in her voice now. "I know you killed her." 

My breath caught in my throat. How did she know this? The only person I told was… 

"Taylor?" I asked Kate, which she nodded back at me. "Why..he said he would never tell anyone." I frowned, covering my face with my hands. "Are you going to tell anyone?" 

"Quite the contrary, Zac." Kate said matter of factly, dropping her food down back in the box too. "We're taking care of it."

"What does that even mean?" I asked her, looking between the two of them again. Lydia sighed, leaning forward on her crossed legs. 

"Zac." Lydia said. "We have no choice. We...we have to kill Taylor." 

"What?!" I said scooting myself back against Kate's dresser on the opposite side of the room. "You can't do that!" 

"Oh yes we can." Kate spat. "He came here to RUIN you, Zac! You think he just came back because it's Christmas?!" 

Kate got up off of the floor and grabbed a wooden box off of her nightstand and stomped over to me. 

"Open it!" Kate commanded, outstretching the box towards me. 

I looked at the box, to Kate, and to Lydia. Kate's eyes were dark and serious, Lydia's sad. 

"I said open it!" Kate said again, shoving it more towards me. 

I swallowed and leaned forward, my fingers grasping the lid tentatively and opened the box. The blue handkerchief I'd been keeping in my nightstand in mine and Taylor's bedroom lie in it, right underneath of the letter opener. 

I gasped, my heart started racing again, my mouth going dry. Kate snapped the lid back closed and set it on top of her dresser, bending down to my level. 

"Now you understand." Kate grinned at me, running her fingers along my jawline. "We have no choice." 

"But.." 

"No buts, Zac. Do you want to go to prison for the rest of your life? Or do you want your sweet little flower over there." Kate pointed over at Lydia, my eyes following her finger. "Or, do you want to kill the one person that's made your life a living hell, who plans to continue that until YOUR dying day?" 

I swallowed thickly again and closed my eyes. Without meaning to, I nodded in agreeance, but it was obvious to myself, that I'd meant it. 

I didn't want to kill Taylor, I didn't. But the idea of him coming to wreck me so he could go run off with his pregnant girlfriend into the sunset, was eating me alive. 

How could he do this to me? My best friend? 

We'd been through everything together. At the height of it, thick as thieves. We’d even loved each other more than one brother should love another. But it was never enough.

I opened my eyes, Lydia still looking at me, the same fire and tenacity she'd had for our relationship all along. 

She continuously fought for me, for us. 

If I were to give up now, what did that say about who I was? 

Sure, I had a body on my conscience, and she knew it. But she didn't even question my motives, didn’t press for answers. I knew that Lydia would be with me until my dying day if I allowed it. But did I want to? I'd put her through so much since we met, I don't know how much more she was willing to tolerate. 

I'd made up my mind. I had to do this. For the sake of us. 

Once there were several rapping knocks at Kate's front door, all of us stared at each other. 

"Who the fuck is that?" Kate asked, eyeing me. 

"Probably Taylor. He met me at your house, Lydia.. screaming at me." I frowned. 

"Then it sounds like our guest of honor has arrived." Kate beamed, shutting the pizza box and laid it on her bed. 

She turned on her heel, and made her way down the hallway. 

"Lydia." I said, scrambling to my feet and made my way quickly to her. "I love you." I breathed, pulling her face close, passionately kissing her. 

Time stood still for a moment. Everything around us blurred and fell away. Just me and her. 

"Where is he?!" I heard Taylor from the opposite side of the house. 

I pulled away from Lydia, and panicked, shutting the bedroom door. 

"Zac! Get the letter opener!" Lydia whispered hastily. 

I turned quickly and ripped the letter opener out of its wooden prison, tucking it into my back pocket. His voice was getting louder and louder, cursing and yelling from both Kate and Taylor. 

Lydia ducked into Kate's closet, shutting herself in, and I stood behind the door against the wall, squeezing my eyes shut as I heard his footsteps approaching on the wooden floor. 

My heart was beating a million miles a second, stars floating around in my vision behind my eyelids, my breathing shallow. I felt like I was going to black out again, which I wouldn't mind right now. If I couldn't remember it, maybe I could actually live with myself. 

Scenes from our childhood kept flashing into my mind. Laughing and giggling on the tire swing out back, trick or treating with me as a clown, him as a cowboy. 

Then, it slipped forward all the way to the time we'd figured out what porn was, staying up watching the static on the TV to make out a boob. Followed by the first time we'd heard our song played on the radio, then to our first kiss on Whitney's front steps. 

Finally, the moment I'd seen him in our living room just a night ago, and the hug we shared. The last time we hugged. 

The last time our bodies touched one another. 

The last time I felt happy. 

Then the bad things came into focus. Him quitting the band, leaving me broken hearted, deserting me at the hospital and in life. 

Making a life with someone else besides me but wanting me to be miserable while he remained happy. In another state. Alone, with her. Me alone in Tulsa. Questioning everything I'd already known with Lydia. Questioning our love and what she really meant to me from the moment I saw her. 

Then trying to frame me for the murder of Tonya. One that I can't even remember. The anger in my entire body unleashing at the thought of him willing to do that to me. The one person I'd confided in my entire life, and trusted. 

The door burst open, my eyes snapping open, my vision barely visible, cloudy. I saw him, he looked at me confused then wide eyed, as I stabbed him in the side of his neck with the letter opener. 

Blood sprayed all over my face from his neck followed by gurgling sounds. The world fell away again, but this time it was just me and him. As much as I wanted to black out, my adrenaline took me over, keeping me in the moment. 

Taylor kept opening his mouth to speak, blood pouring out of his mouth by the handfuls, his neck continuing to pour. His hands fell against me, wringing on my shirt, then my pants, as he fell to the floor at my feet into a crumpled heap. 

The closet door slowly opened, Lydia's eyes being the only thing I could see. Low sobs were coming out of her mouth. I stepped over Taylor's barely lifeless body towards her. She didn't move away from me, but lunged into my arms instead, holding me as tight as she could fathom. 

"You two get out of here." Kate said, sobbing at Taylor's body on the floor. "I want these last moments with him, alone. Thank you, Zac. I feel like I now have peace." 

I nodded at her and walked down the hall towards Kate's front door, Lydia's hand intertwined with mine, covered in Taylor's blood. 

For the first time, I could say that I felt my future looked bright. There was nobody to blame for holding me back anymore. 

I could finally kiss the stars, my girl by my side every step of the way.


	44. Epilogue

Lydia

After Zac killed Taylor, things were rough for a little while. 

We stayed in town just long enough for his funeral, then we packed our bags. 

I decided I would instead, test out with my GED later on. My parents understood that I needed to get away after losing such a close friend. They also understood that there was no way I could concentrate on school work. I did my best to show them how upset I was, to plead my case, but on the inside, I wasn’t upset. I was grateful that the biggest obstacle in us being together, would no longer keep us apart.

There were many times that Zac had said how much he didn’t miss him, how much he didn’t regret it. But I’d find him some nights in our hotel rooms on the way out to Maine, where we decided we wanted to live, I’d find Zac sitting alone in the bathroom sobbing. Wishing he could undo what had already been done. I’d console him on those cold tiled floors, holding him while he cried, hoping to mend a broken heart. 

Months went by, us settled at our new home in Maine right on the water, and I started to see the real Zac coming back to life. 

We’d sit out on the porch, gazing out at the stars at night, the ocean lapping at the rocks below our home. 

We would talk about how much we’d been through as a couple and how much life ahead of us we still had to live. The idea of kids wasn’t something we were entirely fond of at the moment, but decided if we ever did have a child, and it was a son, we’d name him after Taylor. Because while Taylor was a major issue in our life, he was still Zac’s best friend, and a big part of who he and I were. 

If it wasn’t for Taylor’s voice on the radio as MMMBop broke the air waves, I’d never have known Zac. It’s just that both hearts couldn’t be on the same Earth as the other at the same time. They were too strong, too much of a pull, the opposite sides of a magnet. One couldn’t exist while the other survived.

******

Present Day 

Zac

Today is the day of Taylor’s death anniversary. It’s been eighteen years since he’s been gone now, and I still miss him everyday. It took me so long to get past the initial grievances of his death, I thought for sure I’d lost myself along the way. There were many times I’d find myself in the Church more than once, begging God to take me, too. 

He never did, but I never lost my undying faith.

On this day, I look back at the darkest time in my life. I haven’t had a black out since, and Lydia claims Taylor was the reason for them. The reason that I never fully could open up to a deep emotional level while his toxicity rained on me every chance he got. I believed her. 

It’s three am, and my brain was not welcoming the idea of sleep. I needed inspiration. A tribute to the time of the beginning of all of this. I looked over my shoulder, smiling at the scene in front of me: Lydia, now my wife, was asleep with our two month old son, Lucas Jordan, named after Taylor.

We’d decided to get the band back together a few months ago, but with our younger brother Mackenzie to fill in the missing pieces were Taylor had left off. I had no plans to tell Lydia about the song I’d planned to write, but staring at them, in their slumber, it all came rushing to me and out on paper.

*****

The day came to perform the song I’d written her, Lydia off on the side of the stage. She’d never heard it before, but I wanted our love to resound over the whole auditorium of Cain’s Ballroom, where we’d met for the first time.

Some day soon  
When we're older  
So much life won't pass us by  
And on that day  
I'll wash away  
All those tear drops from your eyes  
It's so hard  
To be waiting  
Thinking of the life we'll share  
Love you still  
Then you know I will  
And every moment now until

No one needs to know  
That I climb through your window  
Each night under the stars  
I'm reading your mind  
You don't have to tell  
But I don't want to hide it  
I just need to see  
That look in your eyes  
When I'm reading your mind

Some may say  
We're too young  
To know why we feel so strong  
But who are they  
To say what is wrong  
When they've never spend the night in your arms

When I feel you breathing  
You make my dreams come true

No one needs to know  
That I climb through your window  
Each night under the stars  
I'm reading your mind  
You don't have to tell  
But I don't want to hide it  
I just need to see  
That look in your eyes  
When I'm reading your mind  
Reading your mind

Some day  
We won't have to part  
Soon we'll be  
Together, all day long  
No more hiding

'Cause no one needs to know  
That I climb through your window  
Each night under the stars  
I'm reading your mind  
You won't need to tell  
But I don't want to hide it  
I just need to see  
That look in your eyes  
When I'm reading your mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to all of those who kept me writing this story and sticking by me while I did so. Your comments kept the fuel going throughout the whole process. As much as I wanted to get burned out, I looked forward to sharing this story with you. Every comment gave me that extra burning fire that I desperately craved, wanted, desired.  
> Because of you, I was able to finish my first ever Hanson fan fiction piece. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I did, while writing it. 
> 
> Please let me know how I did, and if you loved it, I'd love a kudos. :)


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